


Bittersweet boys

by Sungie_3



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bang Chan & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Bang Chan is a Good Friend, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff and Angst, Han Jisung | Han Is Bad at Feelings, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, Hyunjin has a lip piercing, Jisung is kind of in gang, Kim Seungmin & Yang Jeongin | I.N are Siblings, Kim Seungmin is a Little Shit, Lee Felix is Whipped (Stray Kids), Lee Felix-centric (Stray Kids), M/M, Mentions of rape/non con but nothing explicit, Oblivious Han Jisung | Han, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, felix can bake, hyunlix are kinda mean at first, hyunlix love each other so damn much, lee know is good at everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 58,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28737141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sungie_3/pseuds/Sungie_3
Summary: "You've been staring at him for the past hour""I'm curious about him""fuck Hyung, please don't drag him into anything""Too late, he's going to get involved anyway""What do you mean...?"Seungmin sighed, slowly turning around to face his brother. Head tilted to the side letting his bangs fall onto his usually friendly eyes which now wore a serious look on them."he's Hannie's new roommate"=or to put it simpler=A seemingly unlikely group of people at the campus suddenly become what looks like close to each other, in order to hide tangled threads of lies. just what might happen as a new party joins the group and dives deeper into their business...their fake smiles might finally turn genuine or will the already weak trust bonds completely collapse,.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 40
Kudos: 112





	1. trickster cards of fate

New college, new campus, new life . that was it. The desperately awaited new start was finally here and nothing was blocking his way. Carrying his luggage up the stairs towards his room, Minho couldn't resist the ghost of a smile appearing on his lips.He’s been waiting for this all summer long so it was hard for the boy to hide his excitement. To be fair though, having such a resting bitch face, the way of looking ‘excited’ for the male was the slight tug on the corners of his lips and a bright glimmer in his eyes..It never really went further than that. 

So stumbling up the stairs of the campus staircase and struggling with his way to oversized luggage he made it to the fourth floor and was now walking down the corridor with a tiny little piece or chewed up paper in his hand. Finally stopping in front of a wooden door with the numbers that matched the paper, Minho fished the key out of his pocket and took a deep breath before entering the campus apartment.

The room appeared to be bigger than he expected, with baby blue walls and dark wooden floors, windows pleasantly big and sunshine peeking through the curtains, shedding rainbows onto the vast grey carpet. It had a small kitchen, a little too small for his liking but still big enough for sharing. The beds were situated on the both corners of the same room, two desks next to them and two bookshelves replacing the bedtime table. A cozy looking matching grey couch, which looked softer than it actually was, happened to be another endearing advantage. What surprised him the most was in fact a minuscule balcony on which you could easily get by climbing out of the window, weird engineering but still a fun little twist. 

Inhaling the aroma of his new home, Minho swung his backpack off his shoulder and threw it onto the left side bed, his roommate hadn't arrived just yet so the boy had the benefit of choosing his side of the room. The boy then crouched down before his suitcase and after struggling a few minutes with zipper, he began unpacking. Thing is, Minho was a strong believer that first impressions really mattered. From his point view, if you had a bad encounter with someone, it was pretty hard to change their mind and being on bad terms with the person he was going to pass the rest of his year with wasn't a part of his plans. It was just so crucial that his part of the room had to be tidy, with that in mind he began arranging his room.

It was nearly 11 in the evening and his roommate still wasn't here. It wasn't unusual for someone to arrive not on the first day of settling in but...it wasn't the first day. Or the second...or the third.  
As a matter of fact it was the last day of getting to campus and Minho began doubting that the boy will ever show up at all. Slightly annoyed with that, he quickly logged onto his email and searched through his ‘studies’ titled file before finding the message where the name and phone number of his roommate were listed. 

“Han Jisung huh…” the male mumbled and began typing a message but briskly changed his mind and deleted the few sentences. Already frustrated he bent down to his backpack and searched through it before finding what he was looking for. The boy sat up on his bed and turned on the little lamp, fetching out his reading glasses, calmly opening his book and diving into it. What's funny is that he didn't like reading? It pretty much annoyed him and to be fair he didn't have enough patience, but this book was special.  
The amount of times he reread it was simply borderline insane. It was an old book that the boy dragged around anywhere he went, the book was his comfort space, he almost knew it by heart at this point. The paperback was ripped in a few places but carefully taped back together, pages somewhere stained with coffee marks and bent edges. Minho truly treasured it. As his eyes wandered down the oh so familiar pages he dived deeper into the story and engulfed by it he didn't notice how the rain started pouring outside. He didn't know how much time had passed when he was pulled out of his phantasies by loud laughter of what seemed like four or five boys running down the hallway. 

The sounds got louder as the group approached the direction of Minho’s room and he prayed to god that they weren't living in the room next to him because the walls were apparently made of paper tissues. The footsteps finally stopped right besides his room and apparently one of the guys leaned onto the door. They were careless enough to talk loudly so Minho could easily overhear their conversation. 

“Yeah man that was fucking sick’’ the voices were either harsh or rude obviously not caring about the wellbeing of others “Bet she'll run back to me in a few days asking for a round two”  
“Jeongin you’re a literal child, someone close his ears” loud laughter was heard next “seriously man you gotta get your shit together, if you keep fucking around-’’ “relax I told you its not serious” then the voices lowered and they seemed to say goodbye to each other and just as Minho got his hopes up that they left his door swung open and a boy stumbled inside. 

His laughter abruptly ended as his eyes fell onto Minho. They took a few seconds staring into each other's eyes. The boy was obviously some kind of delinquent. Starting from his high platform black boots covering his calves, to his tech wear trousers decorated with various chains and belt straps that hung loosely from his sides. Eyes moving upwards to the white oversized t-shirt over which hung loosely a ripped black denim jacket with even more chains and straps on it. He wore dangly silver earrings and had an eyebrow piercing. Not to mention that the boy was also soaking wet from the rain making his caramel dyed wavy hair stick to his forehead. In one hand he was dragging behind him a travel suitcase and a Backpack. They continued to stare at each other as Minho felt his heartbeat slightly fasten from the intimidating glare that the other was giving him. It's just that this whole situation made him feel really uneasy. 

And was he also absolutely breathtaking. 

Compared to Minho who was wearing nothing but a simple grey sweater which gave him hoodie paws and skinny jeans, not to mention that he also had put on makeup that day…

They stayed like that for a solid minute before the boy broke the science with a ; “What the FUCK are you doing here”

This was unexpected. 

Minho put down his book and frowned at the intruder.

“I live here...and I think I should be asking whoever you are the same question’’ 

“Yeah I don't think so, I always live alone and last time I checked this was my room” 

the kid took out of his back pocket a scrambled piece of paper identical to the one which Minho was given to find his room.  
He was taken aback by the other's sudden statements, definitely not what he expected when he pictured his roommate..

“Did you check the email?’’ 

“What email” 

Minho sighed and opened his laptop typing something and turning the screen towards the other. It showed the email from the admins stating; room *****, Lee know - Han jisung  
The boy squinted his eyes and tried to approach his bed when Minho hissed at him. 

“Don't you dare walk on the carpet in these boots Jisung” 

Jisung looked up at him, visibly surprised at the usage of his name, he rolled his eyes and obeyed, taking off his platform boots and letting his coat fall onto the floor. Then he walked up to Minho's bead leaning on it with one hand over Lee Know who was definitely giving him a death stare. Jisung was very obviously drunk. It was easy to tell just by his breath, actually no, he was full on wasted. Scanning the content of the letter with his eyes his facial expression changed from pissed to confused as he stood back up muttering a quick ‘what the fuck’ and passing his fingers through his hair letting the drops of water hit the sheets. 

“Listen, I don't know what they told you but this right here says that we are roommates so go get out your stuff and go take a shower.”

Jisung nodded and abruptly turned around to head towards the bathroom but his legs tangled and he tripped on himself., luckily Lee know was fast enough to stand up and catch the shorter male. The way Jisung stumbled made his shirt accidentally rise up revealing a scary looking scar all cross his hip up to his ribcage. Minho's expression quickly changed from annoyed to concerned and as the boy gripped his shoulders to stabilise himself he had a good 3 seconds to get a clear view on the traces of the past wound. Jisung mumbled a silent thanks and headed to the showers leaving the other watch him slam the door. 

Blinking a few times, Minho returned to bed and slipped under his covers letting his body relax and melt into the pillows attempting to distract himself from the whatever just happened.  
How fucking unlucky did he have to be in order to get such a problematic roommate, all he wanted is a peaceful year...but he had no idea what the malicious cards of fate destined him to go through...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music : 
> 
> Jisung - Onion boy (Isaac Dunbar), outrunning karma (Alec Benjamin)  
> Félix - Sugar crash, Psycho (Mia Rodrigo), Violent (carolesdaughter)  
> Bang Chan - False confidence (Noah Kahan)  
> Jeongin - Rebels ( call me Karisma) 
> 
> Bittersweet boys - Devil town ( Cavetown), Red (survive said the Prophet) 
> 
> Please please leave a comment nothing motivates me as much to post a new chapter than hearing your thoughts !


	2. One of us

As the morning came Minho tore his eyes open and extended his arm to shut off his alarm. It was only 6 am, usually he'd wake up at 6:40 but knowing how much time he can spend in the bathroom he decided that getting up slightly earlier in order to not bother Jisung would be a better idea. Speaking of which, Han ended up being a heavy sleeper,. or maybe it was just the hangover, there's no way that boy’s going to wake up sober. Forcing himself out of bed and shivering from the cool air that filled the room, Minho tiptoed to the bathroom. Once inside the tiny space, he turned on the tap and splashed the icy liquid over his face letting the droplets of water race down his cheeks, sliding into his parted lips and balancing on his long eyelashes.

His eyes glimmered in the dim reflection of the mirror, pupils dilating and retracting. He stayed in this position for a while before enhancing his daily routine. Pulling on a pretty purple hoodie and combing his dark hair and finally reaching for a tube of lipgloss. Passing the soft brush on top of the peach of his lips he observed in fascination as his boring face features lit up with each stroke of makeup. He would never admit it but he liked seeing himself gentle...and vulnerable...and pretty. He liked the thought of having a smaller waist and bigger thighs, and liked the thought of a silver necklace on his porcelain skin. He liked to read these cheesy romantic novels and imagining himself as that pretty girl being picked up by the edgy upper classmate and kissing her breathless. It was his secret guilty pleasure that Minho desperately hid from others throughout his life. Minho was happy with the way he looked, he enjoyed having softer features. He also hoped that other boys liked it too. Except for he would never let them see it. It was all just foolish dreams...right? In reality he was that emotionless boy with few friends that got praised by the teacher, he could be happy living his little dream at home where no one would ever- 

Suddenly the lipgloss fell out of his hand hitting the floor and rolling under the bathtub. His muscled tensed and body froze in place as memories rushed before his eyes. His vision blurred for a second before returning back to normal . 

“Ugh Dammit,” 

as he awoke from the flashback anger arose in his mind, in a trigger moment the boy slammed the heels of his hands onto the sink as his fingers curled scratching it’s sides.  
"You're wrong, i'll prove you wrong!” Minho growled through teeth grit. 

“Im not a fucking girl, I'm not fucking ill”  
his breath got heavier and his nerves were reaching their climax but suddenly he got pulled out of it due to a bandaging sound from the outside.  
Blinking a few times Minho exhaled and exited the bathroom hurrying towards the noise.  
Apparently someone was aggressively bashing their fists against the front door. 

“Eyo Han open the fuck now” Came a voice from the other side. 

“I swear to god if you don't open I will kick this shit with my foot right this inst-”  
The person didn't have time to finish as the door darted open revealing a visibly angry Minho. The guy from the other side looked at him unimpressed before replying. 

“who the fuck are you?”  
The tone of the other really didn't please Minho, not only was he having a bad morning but now some punk shows up early in the morning because his day wasn’t shitty enough.

“I'm his roommate and I would appreciate if you would not bother me at 6 am"  
The boy's lips curled into a mocking smirk before he burst into giggles.

“There's no way Hannie has a roommate, he lives alone”  
Minho gave him a blank stare before reaching his hand in order to shut the door into this kid's face but the frame was suddenly stopped by another hand.  
Jisung was pressing his chest against Minhos' back and slightly leaning over his shoulder to support himself. He was still sleepy and clothed in his night t-shirt and shorts. One of his hands was stopping the door from closing.

“Gmornin Seungmin, the fuck do you need”  
Jisung said in a slurred way. Yep, he was definitely after a hangover and it was painfully obvious.  
Seungmin's eyes darted between Minho and Han’s faces before asking in an innocent tone.

“So you're gay now? Add to the pile but that's unexpected”  
Jisung rolled his eyes and sighed into Minhos neck letting shivers run down the older's spine 

“That's my roommate you imbecile, why'd you come?’’

“Roommate? Don't lie to me Hannie, you live alone, always did” 

“Yeah I do, but apparently the rooms are full so they let this new guy stay or something, he's my friend.. so what are you doing here hmm?”  
To be completely honest Minho didn't know why he just kept standing there, letting Jisung lean on him and talk to Seungmin over his shoulder.  
Seungmin shot Jisung a wary gaze before replying in a colder tone 

“Not in front of him”Seungmin pointed at Minho.  
Jisung smirked and let his hands snake around Lee Know's waist, putting his chin now fully onto the other's shoulder. 

“Why? He's my friend, friends trust each other right?”

Minho now had no idea on what was going on. Why was Jisung calling him his friend all of a sudden? they didn't even know each other, but for some reason he felt like Seungmin wasn't Han’s friend either so he decided to play along. Tilting his head and turning the aura around them even more intimidating, Minho stared straight into Seungmin’s eyes and relaxed his muscles under Jisung's touch. He could feel The younger’s smirk widen slightly from his actions.  
Seungmin, on the other hand, didn't look amused at all 

“You let Jeongin go with you yesterday, I told you to not drag him into your business’’  
Jisung’s expression relaxed as the name was mentioned

“We discussed it already, if he wants to drag along then who am I to stop him” 

“Han he's 18, he barely turned 18,I've said this before and said this again...I don't want him hanging around guys like you.” Seungmin's attention then switched towards Minho.  
"And I recommend you don't take his side either"

The tension in the air became unbearably thick, as if it was able to cut through it with a butter knife, Jisung seemed to hesitate with his answer  
“It's not for you to decide who I or Jeongin hang out with”  
Seungmin stayed silent, it was obvious that he wanted to continue the argument but was incapable to do so because of Lee Know’s presence, so the boy just bit his tongue and turned away without sparing them a last glance. 

As Seungmin walked away Jisung separated himself from Minho and with a deep exhale leaned against the hallway wall throwing his head backwards and covering his face with his hands. This wasn't a natural silence between them. As Minho closed the door he turned to face Jisung who was looking at him with half covered eyelids.

“C'mon, feel free to explain yourself” Minho said as he crossed his arms on his chest. 

“I'm sorry...I didn't think he would show up on the first day, thanks for...your help?” Han's voice sounded tired, he really didn't seem that menacing or problematic...just sad?

“Listen I don't want to be dragged into any of whatever this is” Lee Know began but was cut off by Jisung.

“Me neither, the motherfucker just keeps bringing it back”

“Bringing back what”  
Jisung didn't answer, just stared at his feet before whispering a brief ‘nothing’ and walking back towards his bed.

“Hey wait up”...“Jisung”  
The younger turned around now facing Minho.

“I didn't want us to meet on bad terms...Lee know, if you want you're free to join me and the gang whenever you want” His lips curled into a soft smile, and rubbing his eyes he disappeared into the bathroom. 

♣

Walking down the streets of the college Minho was heading towards his first class. To be honest he wasn't quite sure where he was going and was already regretting that he didn't ask Jisung to guide hm around the campus. To be fair though, when Minho was exiting their room, The younger was only putting together another rebellious outfit, so waiting would have only gotten him late along side with Han.  
he did have a map of the place on his phone., but was obviously struggling with that too. As a matter of fact, Minho was standing in the middle of a flow of other students and at some point he felt a push on his side as one of the people bumped into him at full speed.  
The boy nearly tripped but quickly stabilised himself, after what, began to furiously apologize to Minho and asking him if he was okay. 

The kid looked around his age, black slightly messy hair, wearing a white tank top and ripped jeans with a hoodie tied over his waist. He was carrying a heavy looking bag over his shoulder and was apparently hurrying somewhere. After making sure that Minho was okay, he raised an eyebrow while examining his face. 

“Hey, you’re new where right?” he had a friendly grin and extended his hand towards him. 

“Im Changbin, I know everyone here on campus and you're obviously new”

Minho shook Changbin's hand and nodded.

“Lee know” 

“Nice to meet you Lee Know! You seem lost, what's your major, maybe we're heading the same way, I'd be happy to help”

“My major’s music but I also signed up for a club thing or something...and apparently I have it right before first period”  
Changbin's face lit up as he heard Minho’s response, “Im also Music major, I had to bring in this stuff to the club room too so I'll guide you, follow me”  
Minho nodded and went alongside Changbin who received a few ‘hello’s from other people passing by. Turns out he wasn't exaggerating, he really did know everyone here and was pretty popular judging from the glances that some girls gave him.  
After a few minutes of walking they entered one of the buildings and swerving up the staircases stopped before one of the doors. Changbin ruffled his pockets and after fruitless attempts of finding the keys he sighed and shaked his head apologetically. 

“Shit man, sorry I think I forgot the keys” 

“It's fine” reassured Minho “By the way, how come you get to have keys? Aren't only the professors supposed to have access to these rooms?’’ 

“Yeah but clubs are hosted by students and I just happened to be one of the hosts “Changbin swung his bag off of his shoulder and let it hit the floor “see this? That's new equipment, I was supposed to bring it in before any of you show up but…”  
Minho hummed in response sliding down the wall to sit next to Changbin. As they waited, Changbin began telling him how things work here and some other stuff alongside it. 

“Also There's Jackson, He's an awesome guy that hosts the sickest parties, looking for a hookup? I tell you, girls are swerving around him 24/7” 

Honestly Lee Know didn't really pay attention to what the other was saying, he listened for the most part, but when Changbin began ranting about how pretty was a girl that he met at one of the campuse’s cafes his thoughts drifted away somewhere else. 

Suddenly, Chnagbin stopped in the middle of a sentence and shot up to his feet.

”Oi Chan!”  
He waved over his hand at a guy walking their way from across the corridor, staring down at his phone. Noticing Changbin, the male hurried his pace towards the two of them.

“Changbin? Why aren't you in the club room, I thought you'd set things up before the boys come.” 

Changbin let out a nervous laughter and began explaining the whole key situation. Meanwhile Minho also stood up and rocked awkwardly on the heels of his shoes waiting for the others to notice him.  
“Oh yeah, By the way we also have a new member now”  
Changbin pointed at Lee know and smiled “Bang Chan thats Lee know, Lee know thats Bang Chan”  
Bang Chan shook Minho's hand and greeted him with a sweet ‘nice to meet you’. The boy had a friendly smile and a familiar accent...australian. 

"Chan is the main host of the club and thank the gods that he isn't late as always" 

"yeah good thing I woke up early, cant imagine you guys piling up here waiting for me to come and save the day" Bang chan then turned his head towards Minho.  
"Sorry about him, I promise we’re more organized than that" 

Changbin shot him a guilty look and picked up his bag. As the door into the club room opened the three of them entered a stuffy feeling space with rays of sunshine peeking through the grinds.  
It had chairs positioned in a demi-circle, a couch, a desk and even a professional recording booth. Once inside, Changbin headed straight to the booth and began taking stuff out if his bag. It seemed to be just some tools set up the tech.  
Chan gestured Lee Know to take a seat as he fished out a paper out of one of the many folders on the desk and started reading through it. 

"Ah I see you, Lee Know, age : 22, major: music and speciality : vocals" 

"Yes That's me" confirmed Minho. 

"Congrats Lee Know, now you're one of us" Chan gave him a warm smile.  
One of them...this felt nice.

"I'm also a vocalist, Changbin there is an awesome drummer"  
Minho smiled back at him awkwardly not really knowing what to say, he wasn't a particularly social person, he just wanted to be on good terms with everyone.  
Soon enough there was a knock on the door and a head popped up asking for entry. 

“Jeongin! You're also early, look at us being on time” chan commented “Why are you still standing there? Come on in"  
The boy whose name was apparently ‘Jeongin' entered the room followed by an already familiar to Minho guy. Seungmin.  
Both of them greeted Chan with smiles before turning their attention to Minho.  
This was a rather awkward situation as Seungmin and Lee Know just kept on staring at each other. After a while of silence Minho stood up and presented himself to the boys. 

“Umm I’m Lee Know, vocalist” 

“Hey, I'm Jeongin, I play the guitar” Jeingin grinned back at the older, revealing his braces. 

“Hey I'm Seungmin, I'm on the piano keybords” Seungmin’s voice was slightly uncertain but still pleasant, gravely different from the bitter tone he used on Jisung this morning. 

After a while of awkwardly staring at one another, Changbin called out for Jeongin to come over so he nodded, turned around, and joined the older in the vocal booth. Next, Seungmin signed Minho to follow him. The two boys sat on the couch, Lee know looking indifferent and Seungmin sort of guilty. 

“Look, Lee Know..I'm sorry about earlier today. I was just so mad about Han that I probably came off as terribly rude, you see Jeongin is my smaller brother, I don't want him involved in his business and don't recommend you to do so either”  
Lee Know didn't really trust Seungmin but the boy looked like a scolded puppy, so swallowing his instincts he decided it would be better not to create an argument. 

“Okay, don't worry about it too much but I think it's my decision about who I get involved with or not.”  
Seungmin nodded in understanding and took a seat on one of the chairs leaving Minho on the couch. 

For a while everyone was just minding their business before the door opened again. This time another pair of boys walked in. Lee Know on instinct brought his eyes up from his phone and his mouth involuntarily opened in a silent gasp. The boys in front of him were simply breathtaking.  
One of them had silver hair perfectly trimmed into a mullet, glitter eyeliner under his eyes and face sprinkled with cinnamon freckles that accentuated his dark coffee eyes. He was wearing a pink sweater crop top and black choker on his neck. He had the prettiest dangly earrings and a chain attached to the rim of his ripped black skinny jeans. The other boy next to him, one hand swung over his shoulders, didn't spare one on the looks.  
He had long golden hair down to his shoulders held up by a black bandana. He had a red hoodie with no sleeves and black low waisted tech-wear pants. He had a lip piercing and wore several chains around his neck. The intimidating aura of the two immediately took over the room. 

Chan turned around greeted them with the same way as he did with Jeongin and Seungmin.  
“Hyunjin, Felix! You guys came... I was afraid you'd drop out but your names are still on the list and good for me” chan winked and gestured towards Minho “Look we now have another vocalist his name is-”

“Lee Know?” said a voice coming from behind Hyunjin and Felix.  
Everyone turned around towards another person Standing in the doorway. Han Jisung. 

Already being phased by the first two, Minho wasn't ready to see Han. The boy was panting as he was obviously hurrying not to be late, he held a skateboard in his hand and Minho would be lying if he said he wasn't staring. Jisung was wearing a black t-shirt with an unreadable print on it, a long sleeved, red with black stripes turtleneck underneath. The light in the room only made his caramel hair seem blonder, and his earrings, crosses, rings and chains glimmer under the sunshine. Minho felt himself once again shrink under the intense gaze the younger was giving him, but of course don't let it show. Pride above all.

Hyunjin turned around and raised an eyebrow.  
“So you two know each other, how come?” 

“He's my roommate” Calmly replied Han as he entered the room and closed the door behind him. After these words everyone was silent and staring at Minho, except for Changbin and Jeongin who were still in the soundproof booth and were oblivious to whatever was going on.  
“here you go Chan” Jisung handed a folder to the older then taking a seat next to Minho on the couch. 

Bang Chan cleared his throat and quickly went through the papers that Jisung gave him.  
“Now that everyone is here we can finally begin our first club time of the year…..” Chan continued talking for another 20 minutes introducing the members of the club.  
Soon enough Jeongin and Changbin joined them and the tension in the room slowly disappeared as conversations began to flow, and everyone seemed comfortable with each other. 

From what Lee Know had caught onto, Han, Hyunjin and Felix were good friends. Even though Jisung acted tough he didn't give off the same aura as Hyunjin and Felix did...  
Seungmin was mostly quiet and Jeongin always attempted to please Han in some way. From what it seemed like, he just really wanted to hang around the ‘cool kids’.  
Bang chan and Changbin were completely in sync and everyone seemed to like them.  
when club time ended everyone went to their classes, minded their own business, and stuck around their own groups of friends. 

Hyunjin and Felix were constantly followed by some girls and a few other guys that Lee know didnt recal. Bang chan and changbin talked to mostly everyone and jJsung seemed to be a part of a questionable group of delinquents which others seemed to avoid but also had a respectable amount of fangirls. Jeongin attempted to follow Jisung around and even though he didn't necesserily fit in but he also was sort of a part of them.  
What did sometimes bother Minho, is that he mostly noticed Seungmin in the same places as he went and sometimes felt like he was being observed. Seungmin was usually writing something in his notebook or talking to a random guy or girl, pulling Jeongin aside and scolding him for following Han. 

A loner. Minho usually was a loner, but things were about to change, he was finally going to have friends. With that though in mind, Lee Know began searching a group that he felt he would be welcome in. 

♣

Seungmin was standing leaning onto a table in one of the halls, looking at Lee know from afar. feeling a tap on his shoulder he heard a familiar voice.

"You've been staring at him for the past hour "

"I'm curious about him" 

"fuck Hyung, please don't drag him into anything"

"Too late, he's going to get involved anyway"

"What do you mean" 

Seungmin sighed, slowly turning around to face his brother. Head tilted to the side letting his bangs fall onto his usually friendly eyes which now wore a serious look on them.

"He's Hannie's new roommate"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooof it legit took me all day writing this haha 
> 
> Felixe's outfit is Lowkey inspired by Yeonjun from TxT
> 
> I hope its better than the previous chapter though 
> 
> please leave a comment <3


	3. Don't move, or you'll scare the Joy away

Finding a new friend group ended up being quite harder than Minho pictured it. It was already a week since last club meeting and he would still be wandering around on his own.  
Today was no exception. So there he was, standing in the middle of the university lunchroom still having no idea where to sit. Making his way amids other students and pushing through rows with short ‘excuse me’s. Minho was going to take his usual place at the quiet kids table and like hell did it remind him of highschool. Right before he was about to take a seat he heard his name being called and turned around on instinct spotting a smile Chan from across the hall. He was gesturing for him to come over. Rolling his eyes Minho joined the older at what he would call the ‘popular kids’ table where all the pretty and social people sat. 

“Hey there Lee Know, notice you haven't really been around anyone these days, how are you doing?”  
Chan had a friendly smile and it looked like he was actually asking a genuine question. 

“Uuuum, I’m fine, just takes time to you know, adjust my communication skills”  
Chan giggled in response, he really had a very soft and pleasant laugh. 

“I was thinking, maybe you would join me and Hyunlix at a cafe after classes end? You now it being a Friday and all that’’

“Hyunlix? You mean Hyunjin and Felix?” 

“Yeah these two are always together so we just don't bother with both of their names anymore, it's easier like this anyways”

Minho frowned his eyebrows and nodded. Really why not, Chan seems like a cool guy to hang around with. 

“Is anything wrong?” 

“What? No, Why” 

“Don't know, you just kinda spaced out” 

“No It's nothing, I Just didn't know you guys hang out” 

“Oh, we used to be closer, it's based on old friendship anyways” 

That made sense. Even though Minho couldn't really picture how the fuck-boy Hwang Hyunjin and Felix who mostly only talked to his Hyung would just casually go out to a cafe with Bang Chan the notorious social butterfly, he didn't know their pasts.

“They wouldn't mind me joining though, would they” 

“Eeeeh” Chan squinted his eyes in an unsure grin, “They can really come off as unfriendly at first, but if you get to know them better...Felix for example is actually a ball of sunshine and Hyunjin is such a drama queen, he's actually really nice if you don't anger him” 

If you don't anger him...well that's reassuring. Right now the two were sitting a few tables away from them. Felix was on Hyunjin's lap (which wasn’t at all surprising) and the other was in a conversation with a bitchy looking girl. Their table happened to be the most crowded one, mostly girls though, and mostly looking at Hyunjin. Observing at them from afar, it wasn't hard to confuse Felix for one of the pretty girls flirting with the blonde, that's when realisation came to Minho. 

“By the way Chan..” Minho turned back to face his friend who was currently stuffing his face with salad. 

“Are Hyunjin and Felix dating? Because they sure look like they do” 

At that moment Bang chan nearly choked on his food but was lucky enough to swallow it in time. 

“Not that I know of they aren't, Felix is just all that for skinship” 

That was hardly believable, looked like Felix was really ‘all that for skinship' only when it comes to Hyunjin. Lee Know looked at the older skeptically before nodding. If Chan said they weren't in a relationship he wasn't going to assume, in any case he was still a newbie to the friend group. 

♧

After classes ended Lee know hurried out of the main building to meet Chan and Changbin already waiting for him. As he started approaching them, Chan waved his hand and smiled brightly which definitely gave him some confidence. To be completely honest, he himself did not know the reason why Chan was so nice to him. They haven't even talked that much except for the brief exchanges between them during the first club meeting and a few other classes that they happened to share. Otherwise, whatever the reason was, He wasn't going to let such an opportunity slip away and finally hang out with someone other than a cat game on his phone. 

Coming up to the two, he greeted them with a casual ‘hey’ and they exchanged a few empty words out of politeness, although Hyunjin and Felix still weren't there. 

“Hey um, Chan? Where are Felix and Hyunjin..?”  
Minho asked in an uncertain tone. 

“Oh they're coming. Just wait a few more minutes and they'll be here’’ Chan was in a good mood. Well, Chan was always in a good mood but this time he was particularly happy, but then as if remembering something the smile on his face began to fade away. 

“By the way Binnie, did you by any chance manage to get Han or Seungmin to join us today? Jeongin at least?” 

Changbin looked up at Chan and shook his head. 

“Han keeps on avoiding everyone except for Jinnie or Lix, I never get to talk to him and Jeongin is always too pumped up about their gang stuff or whatever that is all about” Chgangbin's voice lowered and the mood of the conversation also shifted into a more personal area.

“And Seungmin?” Chan was serious, it was obvious that there was something that Minho didn't know. Changbin sighed and put his hands on his hips.

“I don't know Chris...I still see him carrying this notebook around...as much as I would love to get us all back together but you know its hard on him”  
At this point Minho really felt like he was third wheeling and whatever Chan and Changbin were talking about seemed pretty serious. But before their conversation could evolve further, Chan's eyes lit up again as he smiled looking over Changbin's back. He stepped aside and gestured his hand towards the two figures exiting the college building. 

“OI felix! Come here bruh”  
Minho turned around to see Felix and Hunjin running up to them, Felix had a very pretty wide smile on his face. The wind was light and was toying and riffling Felix's silver hair strands... he looked like a kid running towards his father. Minho actually liked felix, he wanted to approach the younger a few times during class hours but Hyunjin never left his side. As to the blond, Minho felt like Hyunjin was quite overprotective towards his friend, although Felix didn't seem to mind, in contrary he was fond of the older... Minho looked at Felix approaching but as their eyes met the younger's smile dropped and he slowed the pace. 

Coming up to them, Hyunjijn gave Chan a questionable look,  
“What’s he doing here?” Said Hyunjin gesturing at Minho.

Chan rolled his eyes before replying.  
“C’mon Jinnie, you can't ban yourself from seeing any new people at all” 

Minho stood aside and tossed around some pebbles that his feet found on the ground, the situation was becoming more and more awkward.  
Hyunjin hummed in response and Felix didn't seem to thrilled about Minho’s presence either. Well, to be precise Hyunjin was the one looking mostly annoyed by Minho, if anything he didn't even look amused about the whole idea of hanging out with Chan and Changbin. He was pretty much dragged into it by Felix. 

“Hey guys, you know I could just go and leave you to yourselves if this is creating some sort of issue.” Lee know didn't mean for it to come out bitterly...but it did. As everyone turned around to face him, Hyunjin opened his mouth but immediately closed as Chanbin aggressively stomped his foot. 

“Nonono, There's no way you're going anywhere, we are passing time together and Hyunlix will have to deal with it, right?” Biting his lower lip out of pain but obviously over reacting, Hyunjin furiously nodded at Changbin’s statement. Felix just remained unfazed by the situation. 

Changbin sighed apologizing to Minho on behalf of Hyunjin and after a little debate within the group they finally departed.

As they were walking, Minho noticed how close the four of them seemed to be. Felix and Chan especially, probably because both of the boys were australian. Changbin himself was a very talkative person so it didn't surprise Minho that he physically couldn't survive without interacting with the boys in one way or another. Hyunjin was probably the one to remain slightly sceptical of Minho, even though he did seem to relax more throughout their walk, it was obvious that the boy didn't trust him. 

Felix was still the biggest surprise. 

Although Minho did notice throughout the week that his glances and exchanges with Hyunjin were gravely different from others, but he seemed like a very intimidating and ‘to himself’ person, at least it was the way he was acting in class and public places. When Felix was talking to Bang Chan or Changbin, his personality seemed to change ….no, he didn't become loud or highly extroverted, the boy just softened and let himself relax. It was pleasant to look at.  
Once they finally arrived at the cafe, Minho was already sort of able to interact casually with the others. By others he meant mostly Felix; Bang Chan and Binnie were never difficult to chat with so Minho did not consider that as any progress. 

♧

A pile of Uno cards.  
The game was lying on the round coffee table around which sat the boys. It was already getting darker outside and the street lights began to shine projecting atmospheric glimmers onto the cafe glass windows. They just finished their coffees so while Chan was still eating his piece of cake Changbin whipped out the game and put it on the table. He was looking really excited and grinning uncontrollably.  
Hyunjin who was calmly siping his ice americano gave him an ‘are you good’ look. 

“C’mon guys it's going to be fuuuuuuun” Accentuated Changbin. 

Felix meanwhile was just vibing to a song that was playing on the radio. Finishing his last piece of cake, Chan pushed over his plate and whipped his mouth with a napkin. 

“Okay, you have a point let's play” Reaching out to the pile, Chan began distributing the cards sliding them out to each player. 

“Yessss” Hissed Changbin as he was obviously overexited about the game. Hyunjin remained unimpressed and sank deeper into his oversized White hoodie, and mouthed to Felix 'are you also down on this?' with a pout. 

“Please Jinnie, for once contribute to the society won’t you?” Scoffed Lix.

Faking his annoyance Hyunjin reached out to take his part of cards then Ruffled the younger's hair. Felix smirked and hugged Hyunjin apparently hard enough for the older to choke slightly.  
Lee Know on the other side was looking tired and leaning on Chan's chair, complaining about how he doesn't get enough sleep. 

The game began with Felix plopping a yellow nine and Hyunjin literally throwing his cards on the table in defeat revealing every colour but yellow.  
Changbin then scolding him and explaining that its' not how Uno works and that he had to take a card from the main pile or a nine of any other colour would also work and Hyunjin whining in response that he apparently doesn't know how to play Uno.

“How can you not know how to play Uno?” Exclaimed Minho in pure astonishment and Hyunjin got all upset and muttered something about confusing it with poker.  
Minho then attempted to explain to Hyunjin how Uno works but then his version of the game ended up to be too difficult according to Changbin who googled the rules online. 

“That's because the internet says that you have swap cards with the person left to you when you put a four” 

“Hold up then when do you give cards to the person next to you?” Asked the visibly confused Hyunjin. 

“When it's fucking four!” REpeated Changbin but really loudly

“So you don't exchange cards but give them?” 

Chan was face palming while Changbin and Hyunjin were once again in a heated argument. Felix just giggling and Minho was ordering something from the menu again.  
Time was passing pretty quickly as the game evolved and Chan kept on getting these +2 cards out of nowhere so Lee Know and Hyunjin came to the conclusion that he was in fact a wizard.  
Lix was dying from laughter when Hyunjin tried to bribe Minho from putting him a skip turn and getting heavily upset when the other declined. 

“I thought you didn't want to play in the first place!” Gasped Minho.

“I didn't, just now it's a matter of honour” 

“Honour my ass, you're literally trying to bribe me!" 

“Shhh the others will hear you” Whispered Hyunjin. 

“Hyunjin the whole cafe can hear you” Pointed out Changbin 

“You shut up, you're trying to cheat all the time” 

“See now you're just being overly dramatic” Said Changbin as he slipped his cards back up his sleeve. 

“No I’m not, I swear I saw five cards in your hands and now you have only two” 

“Thats because I actually play the and not pass my time bribing Lee Know” 

“Whether or not I am trying to bribe Lee Know is none of your business, go talk to Chan or something” 

“Uno and double card I win” Felix's voice was heard louder than ever and everyone turned to face him. The blond was sitting with a mischievous smile on his face and two identical cards over the main one. 

“I win” Felix giggled at his victory. 

Everyone groaned and dropped their cards back onto the coffee table as for his prize, Chan ordered Lix a piece of chocolate cake which the younger adored so much. Even though it was getting rather late, Hyunjin ended up making everyone go for another round as according to him 'he had the victory in the palm of his hand' and wasn't going to let it go this easily. Minho then made a bet with Hyunjin that if he lost again he was obliged to save him a space in their exclusive friend group at which Hyunjin aggressively shouted deal and began distributing the cards. 

The second round began in dead silence. No one wanted to lose and Felix was just as serious about wining a second time, while not forgetting to munch on his piece of cake.  
But that atmosphere didn't last long as Chan commented on how pent up Hyunjin looked and the other found it so funny that his fith at this point americano went through his nose. 

Lee Know was having fun. He was smiling, and laughing...something he doesn't do a lot. Something he missed a lot. He did feel rather guilty about misjudging Felix and Hyunjin at first but to be fair, in class and around other people they act like total assholes...well only Hyunjin does, Felix just stays silent and intimidating. But this was it. People that he was comfortable to be around, people that did not pressure him and people that smiled alongside him. 

Minho’s eyes wandered on Hyunjin who was smiling and laughing, one hand over Felix's shoulders who was cuddling up to the older, at Chan who was apparently winning and the competitive glimmer in his eyes brightened with which second, at Changbin who looked confused out of his mind but still cracking a fond grin...but then his eyesight caught a familiar Black jacket and ruffled caramel hair sticking out of a maroon beanie. 

Han Jisung.

Jisung was standing at the counter and waiting for his order, probably something on the go as the boy didn't take a seat. Minho wandered if he should call him over to join the game and debated with himself on doing so but was quickly pulled out of his thoughts by Changbin shaking his shoulder. 

“Hey it's your turn, quit spacing out and help us stop Chan from getting the win” 

Right. 

He was with Changbin, Chan, Hyunjin and Felix. So shaking his head Minho dove back into the game and whipped out a +4 with a cry of ‘take that’ and enjoyed the look on Chan’s face as he began collecting the cards. 

When Lee Know looked up again he saw Jisung already exiting the cafe with a bag in his hands but as he was walking out of the door they locked eyes for a tiny moment. Just a brief second before Han walked out into the streets but was enough for Minho to immediately regret that he didn't stop him. Then he felt like everything went silent and the only thing he could hear was the music playing in the cafe as his eyes refused to leave the door. 

A sound of a spoon falling down on a plate echoed in his mind but brought his attention back to the table. 

Oh. everything did go silent. No one was talking, or laughing anymore but looking at Felix. The boy slowly brought his hands up to cover his ears as everyone began asking if he was okay or what happened. 

“No...please stop it…” He whispered and Hyunjin shot up abruptly taking Felix into his hands and grabbing their stuff. 

“We have to leave, now. Chan I'll pay you back later” Hyunjin said with a serious tone and rapidly guided the smaller out of the cafe, Felix’s hands still covering his ears.

Bang Chan sighed passing his hand through his hair. Changbin sank back into his chair gaze down to is feet, biting his lower lip. 

"I think i should probably go..." Let out Minho 

"me too" 

"Yeah I'll also get going" 

The silence was deadly. Suffocating and creeping under their skin, whatever just happened Lee Know felt he didn't need to witness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just saying that there will be a lot of soft hyunlix in the next chapters I promise
> 
> I'm not proud of this chapter argh 
> 
> Also please leave a comment of what you would maybe like to see in my work <3 
> 
> Comments would really encourage me haha


	4. Paper cuts and Paper hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just have to give а trigger warning to this chapter.
> 
> panic attack, ptsd, (reference to past abuse), -don't like don't read. 
> 
> but there's also hurt|comfort and kinda a heated moment so....

Coming back to the dorm, Minho didn't really know what to expect. He didn't want to face Jisung and silently hoped that his roommate was already asleep despite it being only 9 in the evening. Who knows, what if luck decides to side with him for once and Jisung, for some reason, went to bed early. In the morning there would be no problem waking up and escaping the dorm before the younger notices, it’s not like they’re friends anyways.

So why then standing in front of the door to their shared room was so hard for Minho? Whatever the answer was, he was about to find out. Taking in a deep breath Minho shoved his hand into his pocket in order to take out the key and….

Fuck

The key wasn't there.  
At this point Lee Know simply wanted to punch himself in the face because what kind of idiot doesn't double check the most important stuff before going out.  
Well apparently he doesn't. The only option left would be to knock or to wait and sit down before the door like a total looser and if that was the case, he would rather go and crash at Seungmin’s and that was a statement. 

After a few minutes of useless debating, Lee Know piled up his shit together and and with the knuckles of his hand battered the door a few times. After a brief moment of silence some movement was heard from the other side as footsteps approached the entrance and the click of the lock cut through the stillness. The door cracked open revealing a disheveled and worn out looking Jisung. He had a new slit on his lip and a rather big bruise decorating his neck. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt and some pyjama pants. 

“Hey” He whispered in a raspy voice looking Minho dead in the eyes. 

“Jisung...what happened?” Lee Know’s voice hitched as his eyes traveled around the younger’s body discovering some fresh cuts and scratches. 

Jisung didn't answer, he just silently turned around and returned into their dorm while still holding up the door open with the tips of his fingers for Minho. Sliding into their room, Lee now noticed that the lights were already off and the blanket on Jisung's bed carelessly tossed aside. A medical kit was positioned on the sofa alongside with some bandages. 

“Had fun?” Hans' voice was quiet, barely audible. 

“Huh? Oh...um yeah, we just played uno. Nothing much” 

To that Jisung just nodded. Having his back turned to the older Minho couldn't see his facial expression. Swallowing dry, Lee Know's brain was panicking, trying to ask something. 

“And you?” 

As Minho muttered the question he immediately regretted it. Jisung stiffened and turned back to look at the older. 

“I- it….” His voice hitched as if restraining a sob and his teeth leeched onto his bottom lip biting and nibbling on it.  
This was the most vulnerable he has ever shown, at times even refusing to talk to Minho. These days they passed together at the dorm were monotonous and even though Minho attempted to have decent conversations, Han always turned him down. He never let the cool and arrogant persona slip...until now.  
Jisung lowered his head, just standing there, beaten up and poorly, still attempting to phrase a sentence. Seeing him like this...wasn't bearable to Minho. So advancing forward he embraced Han, tightly wrapping the other in his hands and pressing their bodies tightly together. 

“Hey it's okay you don't have to say anything” Minho whispered to him.  
Jisung felt his knees weaken as the warmth of Lee know’s breath passed against the nape of his neck. He hesitantly lifted his hands to Lee Know’s back and buried his face in the older’s chest. Jisung’s body began to slowly shudder and give into Minho’s touch, he gripped onto his shirt, clawing his shoulder blades as hot tears began escaping his eyes. Jisung's heart was beating faster with each passing second, overflowing with emotions. They remained standing there for a few seconds while Jisung cried into Minho’s shoulder. Once His grip began to loosen Lee Know carefully guided the boy towards his bed and sat him down. Turning around, he wanted to get him water but the younger firmly grasped his wrist. 

“Stay...please” Jisung stuttered through his words, still shaking. He lifted his gaze to meet Minho’s black eyes glistening in the dim light of the room. Heck, he didn't even know the guy...then why does he-  
Lee Know sighed and sat besides Jisung letting his hands rest on the others shoulders, not letting go.  
After a few minutes of silence Jisung began talking. His voice still raspy and words slurred together as some tears still dripped down his chin. 

“It’s stupid...really...That girl, I,I knew she had someone but i still” Jisung hicked pausing to wipe his nose on his sleeve “and...and then he, today....It’s my fault….i did because i...wanted to...i wanted to prove...something to myself” His sobs were interrupting his sentences as he mumbled the syllables. 

“And did you?” MInho softly traced his hand through jisung's hair to calm the boy “Did you prove it to yourself?” 

For a moment Jisung stopped trembling and looked back up to meet Minho’s intense gaze. His puppy eyes were puffy red and shiny from crying. They didn't break eye contact as the situation began getting to Minho’s head. His hand still wrapped around Jisung's shoulders so close to his neck, the way their thighs touched, the way their fingers intertwined, the way that Jisung looked at him. 

Slowly Minho’s eyes were falling lower, tracing the outline of his nose and stopping at Jisung’s lips. As Han was slowly leaning forward, the distance between them became dangerously close and out of overwhelming emotions Minho shut his eyes. Swallowing dry, passing his tongue over his lower lip and slightly opening his mouth, the older held his breath still, unable to move away or forwards.  
His heart was hammering in his chest as he awaited the kiss….but it never came.  
Instead of crashing their lips together, Jisung’s forehead bumped into Lee Know’s shoulder. 

Oh.

After deposing his weight onto Minho, Jisung seemed to finally calm down. He was probably tired and worn out, his wounds were probably hurting...he just wanted comfort and someone to be there for him.  
And what did Minho do? He was ready to take advantage of Han when he was in such a weak and confused position, he was ready to be so selfish as to even suppose Jisung was going to kiss him when just minutes before the boy was beaten up for fucking a girl. It was ridiculously selfish. 

“No..i didn’t...it only got worse..” Jisung murmured against his collarbone, so quietly that it felt as if he was asleep “...I ended up proving myself the opposite” 

“Lee Know?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Can I...can I stay with you? Just for tonight?” 

“Uuh, yes, yes of course” This terrible gut feeling gifting a so familiar taste of bittersweet, Minho wasn't stupid to think that this was a one time thing. There's just this much he's seen for now...

Slowly, Minho’s hands tightened against Jisung and let himself fall back onto the mattress with the younger still in his arms. After a while of cuddling this way, Han’s breath became calm and rhythmic. He looked so peaceful. Eyelashes long and black, lips pursed and crimson dried blood still on the tips of them. Skin flawlessly soft and pretty with curls falling onto his forehead shimmering their pretty brown sugar colour.  
Looking at him, so beautiful in his hold.  
Minho couldn't take his eyes off of him. There was no need to acknowledge it for it to be real, the realisation comes with time but what happened has happened. 

Like a little paper cut, an old wound, a betrayed feeling fluttered awake in Minho’s heart. The same that's Jisung has been killing for so long. 

♡

As sunshine pecked wake up kisses onto the cheeks of the freckled boy, he turned around in his bed scrunching his nose and mumbling nonsensical little sentences. The wind from the opened window flutters like butterflies into the room and lets fresh air fill in the space. 

After a while of fooling around in his sheets the boy sits up and ruffles his silver hair, opens his chocolate eyes and sits up in his bed. Slowly stretching his muscles and adjusting his sleeping T-shirt, the boy sniffled the air, catching sweet aromas coming from the kitchen. He carefully hopped off the bed and slipped into his slippers. Still sleepy and barely woken up, Freckle boy made his way downstairs in order to chase the delicious smell. 

Childlike, he skipped down the staircase until jumping off of the last one and almost tripping, but luckily regaining his balance on the last second. Slightly opening the kitchen door, he stuck in his head through the open crack and smiled to himself as his eyes fell upon a tall figure of a man with long golden hair tied up into a tidy ponytail taking out visibly burned muffins out of the oven. 

Giggling, the boy tiptoed behind the other and waited until he finally deposed the tray onto the kitchen counter and hugged him from behind, tightly squeezing his shoulders.  
The taller figure let out a surprised scream, nearly stumbling over the sunshine boy, but quickly turning around with a fond smile looking down at the beaming other. 

“Lixie! Why are you already up, did you not see the time? It's only eight” 

“I know, I could smell you burning brownies back from our bedroom” 

“I swear i tried to follow your recipe correctly this time.. I don't know what went wrong”

Felix scoffed as a teasing smirk appeared on his face “ You aaaalways say that but still end up messing up, move over” 

Lightly pushing Hyunjin to the side Felix bent over the brownies and picked the most decent looking one before plopping it into his mouth. 

“Mhhmmmm” The boy moaned, rolling his eyes back and chewing the brownie after which licking his fingers and showing a thumbs up. 

“Is it good?” Hyunjin asked with curiosity, observing every one of the younger's indications. 

After completely finishing the brownie Felix looked back at Hyunjin, his mouth a bit dirtied with chocolate at the sides. “Nah, still very dry and you need to add more chocolate filling” 

“What?! That’s just unfair, you showed all the signs of approval” Argued The blonde.

“Yeah but I didn’t want to make my Jinnie sad, did I?” Felix pouted and leaned back against the counter.  
“God, stop being so cute for at least a second won't you?” said Hyunjin approaching the younger and carefully tilting his head before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss against Felix’s lips.It was meant to be short but once Felix’s hands rose up to lie on the taller’s shoulders and Hyunjn’s snaked around his waist the kiss quickly became more heated. 

Hyunjin’s lips began being more demanding, biting and sucking Felix’s heart shaped ones as he gasped and let out little sounds into the kiss. Hyunjin's leg made its way in between Felix's, pressing against his lower region. The younger carefully butted out now fully sitting on the counter. Next, the blonde's hands began Lifting Lix’s t-shirt and tracing lines on his lower abdomen. Freckle boy's hand made its way into the older's hair, lightly tugging on it and melting deeper into the make out. 

As the situation began taking a heated turn, Hyunjin failed to notice how close a bottle of cranberry juice was standing to his lover’s hand and as he attempted to take off the other’s shirt in a brief moment, Felix’s elbow touched the bottle and it flipped over falling onto the marble floor. 

The air was suddenly rent by the sound of breaking glass. Like a gunshot, nothing is more terrifying and alerting, as this god forsaken feeling of chills that rain down your triggered skin and invade a seemingly so secure capsule of the brain. It takes a few seconds before the distress buttons are finally being pushed, tugging on all the possible strings and senses like a drunk spiderweb.  
Felix’s eyes, so terrified, seem to be blank of all emotions but fear gulping up inside them as the reflection of the gem like ruby pebbles escaping the sharp scattered pieces of glass is absorbed inside his consciousness. 

Hyunjin momentarily closes his eyes with the palm of his hand but is too late as he is being pushed away with inhumane force and aggression. Felix’s body begins to tremble as he slides down from the counter. 

It's just cranberry juice but his senses are screaming wine. The repulsing flavour of a specific red wine, of the specific french Pinot Noir, famous for its blood-like colour and tender taste. The specific smell of this alcohol is rising in his nostrils and getting so painfully real, so painfully there, even though being just an illusion. Just a memory. Just a memory of these expensive bottles thrown and broken into thousands of glittering fragments so often, that the sound of it became the anthem of his past. 

His vision began to blur. Blur the lines between real and illusion, lines between present and the past. It all became one.  
There he was, so overstimulated, segregated, aggravated, overstated..... a mess. He was no longer himself. 

And the person in front of him was no longer Hyunjin. 

No, please not him. Grabbing the the knife with his quivering hands, which was still on the counter, Felix pointed it at the man folded in half in front of him. As the figure began extending their arm towards him, his heart was beating so fast that he felt it would simply explode through his chest. And that would be better than seeing him again. 

"D-dont come...don't come near me" he sobbed and shouted through his panic and crawled backwards pressing his back tightly against the counter behind him. 

"Lix. lix, listen to my voice, it's me Hyunjin, It's me, I'm here with you." 

The voice was calm. He sounded like Hyunjin, But there is no way it's him, it cant't be. 

"Lix take deep breaths and tell me what you see around you. describe me where you are" 

"What, what I see?" 

"Yes, where are you Felix" 

"I...I'm under a...t-table and it's dark and"

"No Lixie open your eyes, tell me what you see with your eyes open" 

"..And there's There's My, He, I..." 

"FELIX OPEN YOUR EYES" 

So he opened his eyes. The light was bright. Tears still creating a transparent barrier between him and Hyunjin....Hyunjin. 

"Felix what do you see" Hyunjin's voice was firm yet calming, once Felix finally looked at him, he began counting out loud "One, Two, Three, Four" 

"I see my kitchen...and...and Hyunjin.....Jinnie?"

"Five, Six, Seven"

"Jinnie... is that you?"

Hyunjin nodded "Eight, Nine"

Next Felix's eyes shifted to the knife pointed at Hyunjin. 

"Jinnie....I'm, I'm so sorry"

"Ten"

the knife in Felix's hands dropped. 

silence. Once The weapon was on the floor Hyunjin shot ton Felix as fast as he could and intertwined their hands while repeating 'its's all over now you are safe, you are safe'. Slowly picking the freckled boy up in his hands, he placed a soft kiss on his temple, Carrying him bridal style Hyunjin brought the boy back to their room and back into their bed, carefully laying him down, he let him rest.

♡

after an hour or so, Hyunjin walked into the room offered him a cup of tea on a plate and a paper-heart. 

Felix weakly smiled unfolding the origami sheet of paper and revealing pills. 

"V'been a while since I've taken these" He whispered. 

"I Know, i'll be here Felix, I'll be here all the way through it. You know that I can and will kill for you...You're the only one I love"

Felix shook his head.  
"I know...but I miss Chan, and Changbin...and Seungmin and Jisung....and this Lee Know guy seems really nice."

"you do know that telling them about your condition would also mean telling them about...." Hyunjin paused giving a Felix meaningful look.

"I Know...but can we still hang out with them? time to time?" 

"And let this happen again?" 

"It wasn't their fault that the music-" 

"I know, I promise we'll talk to them sometimes....sometimes"

Felix nodded gulping down his medicine and relaxing his body against Hyunjin's shoulder. He was all that he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no actual idea what where or why but i like how it turned out.
> 
> Please leave a comment <3


	5. Trinkets of the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuugh sorry for late update but here you go a longer chapter )))
> 
> This one is not beta but we die like men

It's another plain morning. Not so different from other mornings, except for He’s not freezing cold. It's not the sort of cold which you feel on a winter evening...It’s more of that type of chilling lonely cold which crystalises your body from the inside.He doesn’t feel it. Although what he does feel is hot breath against his skin and how his body is pressed against someone else. When Jisung opens his tired eyes and blurry patterns begin forming into shapes, he is able to distinguish a still dormant Lee Know who lies oh so very close to him. It takes him a few seconds before memories from last night come rushing back and tinting his cheeks a pale pink. Lee Know took care of....him? No… this is wrong. This is very very wrong. This should not happen, never. Having a goddamn mental breakdown in front of him? What the hell was he thinking? Probably wasn’t.

Carefully lifting up the blanket Jisung fidgeted out from Minho’s warm embrace and climbed out of bed. Looking down at the sleeping boy, Jisung never really noticed how pretty the other was. Peacefully sleeping in the lights of dawn as the sun didn't even begin to emerge. The situation was messed up enough on its own and Jisung wasn’t planning on making it weirder but unconsciously he reached out his hand to take a few hair strands off of Minho’s sleeping face.  
Yeah. He definitely was pretty. As his fingers stayed on Minho’s cheekbones, the older moved his head burying his nose deeper into the side of the pillow. Jisung momentarily retraced his hand as if burnt by a flame. Minho nuzzling into the pillow and unconsciously complaining for the loss of Han’s warmth...Jisung found it cute.

Well shit. He wasn't supposed to find him cute. And hovering over a still asleep Minho wasn’t on his plans, fuck this, none of this was on his plans, yesterday wasn’t on his plans...That Saturday Night wasn’t on his plans. Before He began scrolling through the memories and making himself miserable all over again, Jisung decided he needed some air.  
soundlessly walking away from the sleeping boy, tearing off the wings of butterflies which barely began moving again in his stomach he walked away. Towards the couch buried under a few layers of clothes, he rapidly dressed himself into a hoodie and pants, not forgetting a few chains and a beanie. His wounds were still stinging from yesterday but he didn't mind, These were just minuscule inconveniences he had to deal with, too small and insignificant compared to the maybe biggest mistake he is about to commit. He'll probably regret it. But the heart wants what it wants and Minho wasn't the one who he'll ever ask for it. 

Running again, dragging his feet towards the door. Hoping that the sound of keys won't awaken his roommate, although Minho's eyes have been already wide open.  
He just stayed silent. Listening to Jisung's ruffles and steps, to his movements and aching to leap out of the covers and beg him not not leave. Whatever was holding him down must have been pretty heavy as Minho didn't move an inch. He let Jisung walk away. Jisung let Minho stay alone.

Jisung ran again.

He runs because he knows can not hide. Poor people he's forsaken, left behind...again. Down the stairs, slightly stumbling because of morning sickness....overall sickness? Did he finally find a little glimmer of light in Minho? Maybe, although it doesn't matter right now. What mattered was the soft breeze of air as he stepped into the fresh outside. What mattered was the rumble of stones under his feet as he made his way towards an old pub, still closed. Fiery rayons of the sun just made their way upon him. It's just a game of waiting until he runs for good. The new year was supposed to go easier, but after a whole summer of careless partying, seeing their faces again took a harsher hit on Jisung than he initially expected. There it was, next to the spray paint coloured wall, stood a jet lack bike, ripped stickers still glued onto its sides. the bike was dirty and left dormant for a while but it really was the time to ruffle old friend's engine. Crouching down before the safety chain, Han shifts the lock's code into place and with a click detaches its coils. Passing his hand ver the bike's curvy sides and glisty iron buckles. Caressing the leather seat and passing his thumb over the silver monitor. A little pretty key chain in a star shape dangles off its handles. Nothing but a useless trinket, which means so much to the boy. Pushing the bike over to the side and leaping onto its back. Closing his eyes and letting himself get drowned in the old engine's ruffle as it coughs a bit before the vocals roar anew and the machine catches on speed and pushes off. 

Wind hits his nostrils as Jisung speeds through the streets. Letting his heart chase the pace of the vehicle. The sky was clear but it was still storming. It was still freezing even though the sunshine coated his skin. It was still foggy even though the air was clear as ever. 

Running out of oxygen. 

And he'll race for miles through the dawn, as if being chased by karma he runs as far as he can, to the only place he knows that he can call safe. The only place where he can let himself breather freely and forget about the evening battles that creep awaiting him in the mirror. How burning in the hellfire of his demons, hiding underneath the human sight.  
A hopeless fool who lost in search of hope, still pressing on the gas. And even though the burden was evil to handle he smiled. Smiled so bitterly and laughed so sweetly. 

Maybe he was crazy, so what? Not like he's being judged. This race alongside himself is necessary, Jisung thinks too much, he's too tied up. Wanting to cut these ropes there really was a home of light next to which he could still park his bike. 

Sure it was scary as Fuck but didn't he try everything already? Suppose he did. Guiding wherever the wind blows, every boy has a weakness and every man is a son, a son of a mother. Driving down the now becoming familiar streets, already lost in time it brings one to the abyss, a place of freedom and pressing even harder on the gas he lets himself out. The bike escapes the wormy roots and is now flying through a beautifully endless road. and digging into this feeling he opens his mouth and rips his throat with a shout. A scream for help? One of relief? Jisung didn't know... but he screamed, his voice tore out and so loud, so desperate and so liberating that his lungs puffed with the fresh blow of wind. After the scream came laughter, and diminishing to chuckles and water droplets swished off the corners of his eyes, stolen with the gale.  
It was time to find home. 

The world's not perfect but it's not that bad, this house still stands. She just might be still waiting.  
after an eternity of roads and turns and alleys, Jisung parks his bike next to an old crumply building with shattering down grey paint, copy pasted balconies and clothes hanged over them. That old mechanic door cornered in a tucked away space, west side of the city. What a hopeless romantic looks with longing eyes at that little window on the second floor, light already shining through the old brown curtains of the kitchen. What was he, a lost kid, definitely lost, surely their kid. What are these salad days he missed so much without a mention of a brown haired girl, a tall woman in a yellow summer dress and smily man with round glasses. 

He couldn't face them then, couldn't drive back during the drunken summer, couldn't look them in the eyes after what he did. After what they don't know. After this stupid blood soaked crime still keeping his wrists close. 

After the attraction he feels towards those he should simply befriend and after the plain mud taste and loveless kisses he offered those who he was meant to love...  
those who timidly spread their legs in front of him. He didn't like these girls. 

any girls. 

This as why he kept trying and failing, it was fruitless. And while chasing lies he hurt a young boy who loved a young girl by stealing her away for one single saturday night. Jisung knew he well deserved all the punches he received yesterday but still failed to stop pitying himself, failed to keep himself together.  
But he couldn't fall apart in front of a perfectly fine Lee Know. Lee know deserved better, and Han was an asshole towards him. Why the fuck did Minho help him was a mystery he couldn't solve. Maybe his sobs were fucking annoying, his tears were simply bothersome and now he left him alone in the bed.

Being awfully Conscious by the lump bobbing up in his throat Jisung made his was towards that door. With trembling fingers he pressed the buttons, rusty from all the rain that often cried down on this area. Wavs if heat and frost spreading along him as the familiar beep of approval is let out by the machine and the door is pushed open. It is 6:48 precise as the boy stepped over the threshold. Seconds ticking through his mind as he slowly stepped up these stairs, so close yet so distant. hands brushing upon the wooden railings and catching the didn't he obviously didn't mind. He wasn't tripping on pills, and it was a cry of shame that he crawled this way after packing his bag back when a foolish kid. A sixteen year old dream chaser with earphones and ticket to a dream university which could maybe let him sing on the big stage. He wanted to be just like them, like these sunlight sparing stars, music for those like us who's cities are built and buried in the dust. 

That day when still a rookie on a skate jumping down this step. That's where he broke his wrist. And this window before the second floor, he sat with his guitar singing to a tune he whistled himself refusing to head towards the apartment. And now he was standing before that very wooden door by the number of 25. They say distance is relative but this feels so alone. Missing it all. And six feet apart is so close, close enough to break into tears but to far to knock. Feeling blue or turquoise, blue marine...it didn't matter.  
A step, and another, and another. So Jisung holds his breath and makes this final distance shorten, makes his hand reach up and ring the surprisingly not broken bell.  
Louder than anything his heart bashing like crazy. 

The door slowly moved open, revealing a girl. Fifteen or younger by the sight, hair oddly curled into lumps, taller than Han remembered. With a green hoodie to her knees with shorts barely peeking from und it. Her bamby eyes met jisung's and....it was silent. Seconds pass as her lips treble and eyes widen.  
Jisung's brain can't formulate a thought, at least not one based in any language. Luckily he doesn't have to as the girl wordlessly throws herself towards him and the warmth of her body meets his cold skin. One moment they're apart and the second they're one whole, how the ground nearly slips from under his feet, from how strongly the girl grips onto him. his hands reach up and clasp around her back, letting her face burry in is coat. With each collision more tears and gasps escape her and the harder she squeezes his figure.  
With a trembling voice Jisung lets out a soft chuckle. 

"You've gotten so strong Nari"

"You- Liar, you promised" 

"I know, sorry that trip took slightly longer than a day"

Nari only cried harder, melting slowly into her brother's embrace. They stayed this way for some time before another voice was heard from the appartement. 

"Nari! What is taking you so long? Who even comes at this ungodly hour?"

As a middle aged woman stepped out to look over who her daughter greeted at the door, The mug held in her hand was let go and it fell heavily onto the floor shattering to pieces. Jisung lifted his head to look over at her. Just as he remembered. Hair always impeccably combed and tied up by a ribbon, the same pink slippers except were as worn as ever, She was rapped in a white bathrobe letting her olive skin catch sunshine's kisses and shadows shape her slim physique.  
She was rightfully stunned upon seeing Han. But oppose to what he expected her to do, cry, gasp, rush over towards him...maybe get angry and chase him out? The woman stayed collected and after taking a few breaths she spoke calmly but not without a hitch. 

"Come inside, don't just stand out there." 

Nari, still sobbing, pulled Jisung by his sleeve inside the hallway, locking the door behind them. Once they entered he couldn't let himself lock eyes with her again, his mother didn't deserve such treatment. She didn't deserve such a son. Slowly taking off his shoes he stayed in the hallway, not daring to advance further awaiting his mother's words. 

"Han Jisung"Her voice was stern and cold, yet loving. 

The boy immediately bowed. There is just so much respect one can show. Nari circled around him and came standing next to her mother, wiping her face with the sleeves of her hoodie. 

"Welcome home" 

Such simple words but sounded so foreing. In confusion Jisung stood up from the bow, timidly looking back at his sister and mother. 

"Huh?" Was all his stupid mouth could say.  
The woman approached jisung and offered him a small little smile. 

"I missed you for too long that time washed away any anger, common now, I know you're not here for good" 

"mom" Jisung's feelings began to panic and his eyes to water. He swiftly embraced her in a hug and heard her laughter against his ear. This was what he needed, this took away all his worries. 

His father woke up a few hours later and nearly mistook Jisung for a stranger. It's true though he was much older now. Family chitter chatter echoed for hours after that, sharing their tears and burdens. Nari has become such a beautifull young girl, much more mature than a ten year old kid as he last saw her. His parents aged, but their smiles remained young and light, welcoming and soft. His old room, one that Jisung cursed at called a prison now seemed a harmless little space where memories were stored awaiting their master. Everything felt dear to him. Once time turned 7:30 Nari run off to school leaving Jisung alone with his mother and father. His mom was a great cook and beautiful lady who still worked, being in her late fifties. Miss Han Jinsoo, rightful and strict, always on time cycled off to work after lunch hour leaving his father sitting at the laptop.  
Jisung's dad was a simple online sales man who was a kind hearted and easy going person, he rarely ever seen the man angry himself. 

They were poor people in a poor town, this place was rotten for good and slowly dying, thus the reason why once...he packed his bags and ran away. Off on his bike to a beautiful and majestic town of Seoul, where he'd seen so many succeed. To be fair, Jisung was smart and easily earned a well rated scolarship. Once high school let him go he easily got into a not so bad college, at the corners of the big city. Although he was still forced to sell his guitar, Jisung never regretted nothing as he twisted his voice in funky was and ended up in a cool little friend group of the music kids. 

Well...never regretted nothing until this one time. This one decision after which it all went south and his vision got blurred by alcohol, tits and butts, bu the money and the reps. He was never a part of the edgy guys, he was forced to be one. There was no way he could honestly talk to the ones he befriended at first. They would never want to talk to him themselves if they found out what had happened that day...better stay safe than sorry. At least they didn't hate him.

"Jisung, why did you return?" 

His fathers voice brought the boy back to reality. Han turned his head to face his father who was looking at him concerned. 

"I...I just missed you and..." 

His father sighed closing his writings and came sitting closer to Jisung at the couch. 

"We both know, it's not the case, why did you really come back" 

Looking into his father's eyes Jisung couldn't dare to lie again but neither coyld he tel the truth. 

"There is just so much going on...i needed a second to breathe" 

"I assume you won't tell me?"

Jisung remained silent as shame tormented his brain. No, he won't tel him. He will not show them on how many spectrums he has dirtied their name.  
He nodded understandingly and reached for the remote turning on the TV. It wasn't such a bad idea, why not watch something together. As he was switching the channels one of them clicked upon a couple getting married. A gay couple.  
Jisung momentarily bit his lip and observed his dad's reaction. His father frowned and continued switching letting a silent swear out of his lips. 

'Fucking faggots"

Nothing new, nothing old, just how it always was. Jisung swallowed dry and let it pass by his ears. What did he even expect?

♠

It was just time to begin another speech at their little music club as Chan kept his eyes locked on the door. 

"I told you he won't come, he didn't attend class this whole week" Remarked Hyunjin. 

"And he isn't even staying at our dorm, nor is he replying to messages" Added Minho. 

"Wait, he gave you his number?" 

"No, just I happened to have his email, you know, like all roommates do?" 

"Oh, okay then" 

It was almost a week since Jisung left and since then, no one heard a single thing from him. Minho was down the whole time and really nervous, god know where he could've went or what he could've done. Changbin just kept reassuring him that the lather won't take long to come back and to be honest he was doing a very crappy job. 

Minho was sunken deep into the club room sofa, hugging his notepad with lyrics and earphones in his ears in order to nit hear whatever the rest of them were talking about. Seungmin was probably the only one who was kind of happy by Jisung's disappearance, he really didn't like the guy. Be it for the fact that Jeongin drags along with him into trouble or some other personal reason Minho wasn't bothered enough to figure it out. 

The hour went on as usual of everyone doing their own thing in sorts of practice and Chan and Minho taking turns in the recording booth. Every time he passed Chan, the older gave him a weird look before returning to whatever occupied him more. Time went by rather quickly and as Minho was about to exit the room Chan caught him by his shoulder and pulled him to the side.  
Lee know rolled his eyes to show his annoyance and the fact that he really was not in the mood for gossip or any talk they could have in a spare of five minutes before both of them wuld be late to class. 

"What do you want Chan?" Minho was clearly in a bad mood and not even going to hide it. 

"Wanna skip class?" The older blurted out rather rapidly so Minho had to blink a few times before he could fully comprehend what Chan asked him to do. 

"Skip class? with you? Chan you don't just skip class, is something really important up and if so we could later" 

"Yeah actually something is rather important" His voice was more concerned but he tried to cover it up with a grin which obviously didn't work "Lee Know...You've been completely out of it lately. I tried to find you around the campus but apparently it's insanely hard to get to you when you're intentionally avoiding people, this was my best option. So you wanna skip class?"

as a response never came from Minho, Chan shrugged and tugged on his sleeve dragging him along in a hurried pace "We're skipping class" 

The two of them jogged through the corridors towards the main entrance and out in the streets. The weather was rather nice and sunny, so was the whole week, it was pleasant to take a walk. They stopped at a little kiosk selling rice and fish cakes towards the side of the road. It was a little bus shape wagon which only had a few tastes, cheap food, what to say. Chan payed for the both of them and gestured to dit on a bench while a still suspicious Minho nibbled on his portion. 

"Chan, please tell me what's up, the supper important thing couldn't have been us eating tteokbokki" Even though he sounded impatient, Minho was actually thankful for the food, he was so preoccupied and stuck in his head that the past days he got the habit of skipping meals and hot, spicy, street tteokbokki might be exactly what he was craving . As chan finished munching on Fish cake he set the paper dish aside and turned towards Minho, one leg over the other. 

"Lee know I need you to be completely honest with me on this one, okay?" 

Minho nodded, refusing to let go of his dish. 

"What the fuck happened between you and Han" The sudden question made the other stop chewing and dart his round brown eyes back at Chan. 

"What, why would you think that something happened? Nothing happened. Do you think he left because of me? Why would you think that? Did he tell you something? What did he tell you? Am I rambling right now...I'm rambling aren't I?" Minho said it all without taking a single breath. 

Chan sighed and took the tteokbokki out of Lee Know's hands setting down on his side to the displeasure of the other.  
"I don't want to pressure you, but the shift in your behaviour was so obvious since he disappeared, even though I and Changbin told you that it was a rather common thing that he would do. Yes, it usually was only a couple days...but you shouldn't blame yourself; unless there is something you would want to tell me" 

Minho blinked a little considering and nitpicking words as for what he was going to say next. He didn't want to accidentally say something personal about how his views towards the younger might have changed or that being left alone in bed took a harder hit on him than he thought it would.

"Umm, that evening after the uno game, when I returned to our dorm, Jisung was all beaten up. He didn't seem drunk or anything but halfway through the conversation he gave out and began crying. He asked me to stay besides him and not leave so I did...and in the morning, poof, gone with the wind." Minho Chuckled at his naiveness, "What did I even think, believing that Jisung had a secret another side huh? He is a total jerk around campus and a fuckboy at night, I shouldn't even be bothered by such" His tone grew bitter and his eyes fixated at a pebble on the road, he wasn't as much as talking to Chan as he was to himself.  
Chan let him finish talking before passing a hand on his back. 

"You know, it wasn't always like this. I wasn't planning on telling you this but here we go.  
Last late summer before the college year finished, we still were one big group. The seven of us.  
Me, Changbin, Hyunjin, Felix, Seungmin, Jisung and another guy. To be fair Seungmin only talked to Hyunlix, Jisung and the other. Jeongin at the time wasn't a part of the music club.The guy's name was....Kwan Jae. Seungmin especially, they were always together, knew each other since childhood. Personally I wasn't too close to him, the guy always seemed severely off to me, you know when people just give you that vibe?  
Once him, Jisung and Hyunlix decided to go to one of the self proclaimed 'cool' parties. They were known to be big and fun and harmless but it's also the places where they sell all the illegal shit. After the party neither of them came back, at first it was the normal stuff, many wouldn't show up due to hangover and other....things so no one claimed big deal. But once they did...Jisung never was the same. I couldn't forget that blank look on his face, as if all life gas been sucked out of him. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't even look my way, found himself a new friend group. Same as Felix and Hyunjin, except for that's when Jinnie became so violent and overprotective towards Lix. The first time he would't let him out of his grasp for a mere second, they went to the bathroom together, sat only together and he talked for him for the first days. As for Kwan Jae...he never showed up. After a month he was announced dead. There was an investigation on campus to which Seungmin got obsessed about. He was obviously ditched by his friends and his only true one has just been murdered, the rumour had it that the police had the suspects noted down but the case was suddenly closed for no reason which sent Seungmin off. He decided to lead it individually and even held it against Jisung and Hyunlix as they were the last ones to see Kwan Jae, it lead to nothing. As matter of fact, Kwan Jae was also Han's roommate at the time. After his death, Jisung firmly said that he wants to live alone and distanced himself from us...this is exactly why you are such a mystery Lee Know"

Minho remained silent, not knowing how to respond. This was a lot. 

"Well, look at that, we should be returning back to the main building" Chan said joyfully as if he didn't just recite a true crime story to Minho. Picking up their plates he handed Minho's portion back to him and they made their way across the campus. their silence remained slightly awkward but Chan being the wizard that he is still managed to brighten up the mood before they returned.

♠

Honestly, Minho didn't want to think about it. Now he knows the full story? Good. So he won't judge, they had their own issues to deal with. He'll help if they ask but.....He will not. get. involved.  
Quietly muttering this to himself, Lee Know was pacing down the hallway and didn't pay attention as he walked straight into Seungmin. Both of them fell over and the notebook which the other boy had in his hands slid open with images and pieces of paper scattering out of it. 

Minho's blood went cold. 

It was many crumpled police records with pictures of a blood covered a boy and a few of Hyunjin and Minho. Seungmin in panic stuffed the papers in his bag and took off running leaving Minho dumbfounded on the floor. 

No, It could't be the case.....Seungmin.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thnx for reading, pls leave a comment <3


	6. those who rip off the stars

Morning sickness is something Lee Felix has the unpleasure to experience way too often. Whether it is nice outside or storming rains, he’ll close the windows and sleep through his alarms burying his face into Hyunjin’s shoulder.  
It’s always better this way...definitely better than screaming awake in cold sweat from a nightmare, and calling his lover’s name. He knows that the other will never leave him, so he lets himself depend on Hyunjin more than anything, conveying himself in his arms. 

“We’ll make it another night” is that very phrase that he hears these times he’s afraid to close his eyes. 

Hyunjin knew perfectly well that he couldn’t be there for Felix forever but both of them drowning in denial set the most extreme measures to stay together. Except for, Felix had a good taste of freedom at some point in his life, which left him starving for more. He loved Hyunjin, he really did...but he missed the laughter and smiles of others so badly that he thrived to socialise with those who he somewhat knew. It was harder for him than he expected as he trained himself to appear menacing, to the point that his resting bitch face managed to even trick Hyunjin himself. 

But every time the freckled boy was reminded of a scar so deep it will never wash away, the only thing left for him, the last match of fire left burning will always be Hyunjin. Always. 

One of his guilty pleasures that only made it harder for the boy was his love towards cute and feminine clothing. There really was just something about a soft pink sweater or a white neck ribbon that made him feel special and beautiful. These precious little gifts that Hyunjin brought him on rainy evenings and made his eyes sparkle were none other than pretty little pieces of clothing, maybe some expensive brands with a new collection. Felix liked how it suited him.

He also enjoyed wearing these clothes daily. Lix wasn’t under any illusion and knew that people stared, knew that people talked. What kept him safe was the undeniable power and authority Hyunjin held over others.  
Girls would crush at him and boys would fear him, it was no secret on how violent he could get if someone insulted Felix so people kept their mouths shut. 

Surely it was no surprise when Felix woke up on a Monday morning from the screech of the alarm and found Jinnie sitting next to him with a baby blue packaged bag held in his hands.The freckled boy sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and yawning before accepting his little surprise. Felix’s fingers wandered around the packaging paper before carefully ripping it apart revealing a soft angel white cardigan dress. It had big pockets and polished golden buttons down the middle part with a carved in symbol. Chanel. His lips slightly parted letting a tiny gasp slip away as he held up the gift. 

“I thought you might like it…” muttered Hyunjin, his eyes not leaving Felix’s. 

Slowly, Lix’s heart shaped mouth stretched in a sincere smile and eyes wrinkled into half moons as he leaned forwards, pulling Jinnie closer into his embrace. He placed featherly kisses onto his lips, nose and cheeks, ruffling and undoing his ponytail, letting Hyunjin’s bleached hair fall on his shoulders. 

“Thank you...I love it” 

♢

There is a very specific smell that all the colleges must have wandering around the corridors in the morning. The familiar smell of freshly cleaned chemicals floor, the still cool air in the hallways before it gets overused by the many students soon to be rushing through it. Many early birds are already hovering around at their lockers, leaning against the walls next to their classes and diving into their laptops. As the bell rings more and more people start flooding the free spaces and hurrying in order to not be late. Finally as the first wave sashes through the corridors shuffle with whispers as a popular persona or a pretty girl walks by.  
They divide in little groups alike to kids and gossip, talk about an attractive professor, about a popular couple on campus, about some fake rumours and the all fascinated edgy people, wannabe's or social outcasts.

These times the better thing to do is ignore the rude or mean comments that might be thrown your way or scare away with authority. So they do.

Another gossip way flows through them as those mildly late begin to arrive. The hall's doors swing open as Hyunjin pushes them apart and a few girls are already following him with their eyes. Not to anyone's surprise, walking by his side is none other than Lee Felix, the golden boy with a murderous gaze. It's at that moment as they start glaring and discussing how he is dressed, how he walks, how he speaks. How he wears an expensive looking white cardigan dress. Some shoot him with judgemental glares but he darts his coffee eyes back with an even scarier intensity so they turn away.

"Won't you look at him? Wearing something from the female collection, another day another struggle" 

Some step aside letting the two pass through as others don't bother with it. Felix knows that they will stare, he walked these halls many times and he knows most of the people here. 

"Heard he doesn't even flinch at insults" 

Although there always was a group of fuckboys which took it as a hobby to insult them. Their words were always stupid and primitive, sometimes threatening but no one really dared to get physical as Jinnie kept his cool and no one dared to provoke him this much.  
"Yeah, watch this...Ey Faggots" 

Hyunjin grimaced at the insult but kept walking, not paying attention as Felix seemed to not even hear it. 

"What is Felix your little slut?" 

"Buying him all this shit, does he call you Daddy?" 

Felix Swallowed dry and Hyunjin turned around with an annoyed face. 

"Will you just shut it Ji Woon?" Snapped pack the blonde, it was simply irritating. 

"Or what Hwang? I'm done with everyone being fearful of your rich ass, what's there to be fucking afraid of?" 

This seemed to pickle on Hyunjn's ego as for a brief moment he let go of Felix and walked up to the other. 

The boy, Ji Woon, smirked but still stepped back turning to his shitty little group of bullies. As Hyunjin was about to walk back to Felix who looked absolutely unbothered, leaning against one of the lockers, Jin Woo said something under his breath. The air around them went numb and Hyunjin froze at place. The atmosphere drastically changed as he slowly turned around. At this point others went silent paying attention to whatever just happened. 

"What did you just say?" This voice wasn't like Hyunjin. No, this didn't sound like him at all...cold, silent and threatening.  
The shift in his behaviour was sudden and harshly visible. 

"What ?" The hitch in Ji Woon's words as he spoke gave a feeling of instant regret. 

Felix's eyes darted towards him, looking worried and alarmed. 

"Jinnie what's wrong?" He softly said, wanting to approach as a hand stopped him. It was a girl his age or maybe younger, she was holding a phone in her hand and shushed at him. 

"Wait, I want to see what will happen" She whispered. Felix didn't know why he listened to her... he didn't come closer to the other even though all the alarms in his head were going off.  
He had a strong feeling that whatever was going to happen won't be pretty. 

"Where did you hear it? WHERE?" Approaching Ji Woon, Hyunjin's voice grew louder and more menacing. 

Ji Woon backed away further as his back was pressed against the wall. He was visibly shrinking before Hyunjin's gaze. The boy flinched as the blond's fist hit the wall close to his face. Hyunjin was holding back...and whatever Ji Woon has just said was never supposed to be heard. The few Students which were still there began slowly stepping aside, leaving more space for the two of them.

Pride is a dangerous thing and as the audience grew Ji Woon became more anxious, if he didn't 'step up', his reputation would be ruined, so taking a big breath he looked Hyunjin back in the eye and straightened his back in a pathetic attempt to regain confidence before opening his large mouth.

I said, Protecting little Lee-" 

He didn't have time to finish his sentence as one of Hyunjin's hands was pressed against his mouth. Leaving Ji Woon no time to react, Hyunjin's knee rose up to his stomach as the other folded in half from pain, dropping down to his knees. No one dared to interfere as The blonde held Ji Woon by his hair and landed a fist right beneath his jaw letting the other hiss in pain as crimson droplets of blood began leaking out from his parted lips and create a puddle beneath his chin. Still holding his scalp, Hyunjin crouched down before the barely put together Ji Woon, his knuckles and face pale as bone and spoke extremely quietly through his teeth grit. 

"If this name leaves your filthy mouth ever again, I won't even need to check your pulse"

Hyunjin doesn't just lash out. Felix knew it better than anyone, but when he does...  
Just like the others, he couldn't have heard what Ji Woon told Hyunjin but there must've been a reason to shut him up. Lix turned his head towards the girl next to him and frowned in realisation that she wasn't at all horrified at Hyunjin's violent actions. She was looking at him with mesmaration. 

"Just look at him...the ice prince" The girl murmured. 

'The ice prince' was a term that girls at campus came up with to describe Hyunjin. Because of his beautiful looks and sharp gaze, the term suited him perfectly. Even though Felix was aware of how obsessed some people became with him, he never thought that they would give him heart eyes and stay loyal to their idol like love as he was beating someone up. Felix knew he would....but it's different. Him and Hyunjin _loved _each other. If anything, Jinnie was beating that guy up for _him _. For some reason the thought of Hyunjin hurting someone for him didn't disgust him, on the contrary, it let a familiar warmth spread in his chest. It made his thoughts wonder into a dangerous place as he began slowly realising that Hyunjin might just as well do anything Felix asked him for....His heart rate accelerated and he felt a glimmer of sick excitement pound in him, but before he could let himself drown in such apathy he was brought back to reality as he saw that Hyunjin was raising his hand once again.____

____ _ _

____No, this wasn't the Jinnie he loved. He loved the sweet caring Jinnie that held him in his arms. He loved his joyful smile and he loved his addicting laughter. Felix won't let his Hyunjin drift away...it's never too late._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Jinnie Stop!" His voice tore loud and clear through the hall and Hyunjin slowly lowered his hand, turning back to face the freckled boy._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____For a second, Hyunjin's eyes were covered with a blinding mist of rage and only once he met Felix's worried gaze it cleared up and he let go of Ji Woon's hair, letting the boy fall back supporting himself on the palms of his hands. He blinked a few times before standing upwards and turning back to the panting Ji Woon. He didn't hurt him badly, just gave him a split lip and probably a bruise on the stomach but hadn't Felix stopped him... Looking around, some people began going their ways and some darted to Ji Woon. Walking back to Felix, he wiped his hand onto his jacket and looked back at him almost apologetically. He opened his mouth in order to explain himself but Felix intertwined their fingers and gave him a reassuring smile._ _ _ _

____'It's okay, I trust that...you maybe had a reason, if anything you can tell me later."_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Hyunjin nodded and looked down at their tangled fingers, he offered him a ghost of a smile and pulled him along while saying something about being late to class. To their luck they weren't in a very crowded hallway so the amount of students that witnessed the fight were only just a few, but still the rumour will be quick to invade the campus just like a virus._ _ _ _

____As they snuck into the audience hall and sat in the usual back it didn't take long before the static like voice of the chairman was heard._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Hwang hyunjn to the chairman's office, Hwang Hyunjin to the chairman's office"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____To that Hyunjin only rolled his eyes and gave Felix a pat on the shoulder. "Well then, see you in a few hours, please stay around someone" And walked out if the door, his bag lazily swung over his shoulder._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____♢_ _ _ _

____Hyunjin wasn't back in a few hours. He wasn't back up until the very last class and the only thing Felix received was a quick text on his phone explaining that he has something very important to take care of and that he'll text him when to come._ _ _ _

____such news undeniably worried Felix. For a long time he never really was separated from the older so at first he didn't really know what to do. Feeling lonely he searched for Chan and Changbin which stuck around him for some time but the last classes the only person he knew was Minho with which Felix wasn't familiar enough. Feeling self conscious he tucked himself to the upper right back corner of the class hall and stuck in his earphones. Wobbling his leg, Lix failed to listen to the professor as he began drifting away in music._ _ _ _

____To be honest he didn't know how much time had passed once he heard his name being called. Once he snapped out of his thoughts, Felix quickly pulled out his earphones and shifted in his chair._ _ _ _

____"Umm yes?"_ _ _ _

____"Awesome, then you and Lee know will stay after class cleaning up" This said, the bell began ringing and everyone hurried out, leaving a surprised Felix in his seat.  
Well fuck. Now he will worry Hyunjin by being late...not good. Feeling slightly lost, he tucked his things back into his bag and stumbled down to the front seats. Minho was already thumbling in the back door closet and walking out with a mop and cleaning supplies that the two boys will be needing. _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"So, i'll clean the tables and you clean the floor?" In the empty place Minho's voice sounded clear and loud._ _ _ _

____Felix shrugged and took a bucked and a mop from him, heading out of the hall to fill it with water he turned around to see the other peacefully wiping the desks. Minho was whistling a tune to himself and seemed completely unbothered about the fact that they are staying 30 minutes late after class.  
Once Felix came back, he was all ready finishing up the first row and spraying it with sanitiser.  
They passed the next few minutes in silence and it was becoming really boring so Lix pulled out his earphones and began scrolling through his playlist. Selecting a song he pressed play, but quickly realised he forgot to connect the devices and the music rang loudly through the air. The freckled boy didn't expect him to have his volume turned on to the maximum and jumped out of surprise letting his phone fall out of his hands and slide down the stairs in between the class-desk layers.  
Lee Know turned his head towards the sound and watched as Felix chased after his phone and once he picked it up, struggling to turn it off mumbling excuses._ _ _ _

____"Hey...isn't that ?" Asked Minho with a curious smile on his face._ _ _ _

____"Umm yeah, you know him?" Felix replied slightly uncertainly._ _ _ _

____The older's face momentarily lit up as he straightened himself and trotted up to Felix. He ruffled his pockets and took out his phone. He scrolled through his apps before tapping on spotify and showing it to Felix. The younger squinted, reading through the songs and darted his dark eyes back at Lee Know. Without saying a word he did the same, showing his playlist to the other and as Minho was scrolling through his songs they both began cracking up.  
Suddenly, Lee Know ran off to his bag and came back with a loud speaker. They took a few minutes struggling with the connection but then, once the music began playing both of them were acting as if they knew each other for ages._ _ _ _

____"Dude, we practically have all the same songs in here" Gasped Lix while his face was shining with amusement._ _ _ _

____"Yeah for some reason you gave off the vibe that you listen only to the trendy hip hop songs and stuff, who knew?"_ _ _ _

____"Is it because i act so tough around others right?" Giggled Felix in reply._ _ _ _

____"Yeah you really do, but it's just not really you though isn't it?"_ _ _ _

____At this Felix just sighed and looked down at his hands fidgeting with the long sleeved shirt."I don't think that acting otherwise would be a smart option...people don't really like the way i dress and all, if I was a softie they would burn me to the ground so this is way safer y'a know"_ _ _ _

____"I...I actually envy you from this point of view, I don't think I could ever wear these types of clothes without getting all anxious and stuff" Minho lightly chuckled but his laughter felt heavy and sad, as if holding back an unpleasant memory.. "This dress sweater really suits you, don't listen to whatever the assholes say"_ _ _ _

____"Thanks, it's actually a cardigan dress that Hyunnie got me" As Felix mentioned Hyunjin's name, his eyes wandered off somewhere else and the smile on his lips softened...seemed like he blushed just from pronouncing the blonde's name.  
Minho carefully studied his facial expression as he truly didn't comprehend Hyunjin's relationship with the younger. Chan said they weren't dating but it sure as hell seemed like it. So if they weren't in this kind of relationship (Which Lee Know highly doubted) maybe they were Siblings or childhood friends? No this certainly was more than that...he could sense that whatever it was, it went deeper than he could imagine. _ _ _ _

____Before He had time to ask questions, the song switched to another one and Felix immediately connected with this one too, telling him passionately how he loved this music and why this particular cover. Minho began to argue that he preferred the cover from someone else and they got into a mini war as to which cover was the best.  
This carried on for some time as the two boys completely forgot about their task and were engulfed in their conversation. Felix was seated on one of the tables and lazily passing a napkin over it as Minho danced in pair with the broom. _ _ _ _

____"Hey come to think of it, you're a pretty good dancer" Noted Felix as Minho swung the broom around " I swear to god don't make it weird Lee Know"  
Hearing his remark, Minho bent over the broom and grinded on it as the song reached its beat. Felix made a disgusted sound through his laughter and threw the napkin at Minho's head shouting "Shameless!" _ _ _ _

____Obviously the older didn't appreciate the wet piece of cloth against his face and shot it back at Felix who dodged it just in time.  
"We're so getting scolded" Winced the freckled boy. _ _ _ _

____"Jeez Lix, you're talking like a 16 year old, what's up with that bubbly boy persona?"_ _ _ _

____"Yeah, count it as a secret side to me that Nooooo OnE KNowS About" Replied Lix dragging out his 'o's in a comical manner. They had another five minutes left and they've only cleaned one part of the three sector divided hall._ _ _ _

____"I actually did dance class back in my hometown so I guess I have some practice behind my shoulders" Said Minho "Consider it my secret talent" He quickly added and winked at the freckled boy._ _ _ _

____"Secret talent ?" Felix smirked raising an eyebrow "That's not a secret talent"_ _ _ _

____Minho rolled his eyes and stopped his movements to face Felix "Okay, then what is considered a secret talent huh?"_ _ _ _

____Something sparkled in Felix's eyes as he hopped off the desk and run up to the loudspeaker, lowering its volume. Then he took Minho's phone and began typing something on it._ _ _ _

____"Hey what are you doing?" Complained the older, seemingly unhappy for Felix to be digging through his device._ _ _ _

____"Showing you what a real secret talent is like" With that said he pressed the play button and a very familiar bass echoed through the hall._ _ _ _

____"Corpse?" Questioned Minho_ _ _ _

____"It's not just Corpse...it's karaoke" Added Felix and as the beat dropped he began reciting the lyrics._ _ _ _

____Lee Know's eyes widened in surprise as he heard the voice coming out of Felix's mouth. The voice was deep and powerful, it didn't match the boy at all and as he continued rapping, Minho's jaw dropped further. Felix felt insanely happy with himself, he didn't get to use his raspy voice often or at least with other people. He was having fun in all honesty, in that empty audience hall while they were supposed to be cleaning paired up with Lee Know. He missed these oportunities and mentally thanked Jinnie for being busy, when else would he have some time to fool around on his own? Finishing the part he bowed dramatically and thanked the imaginary audience. As he came up to the phone to switch the dong once again, Felix's smile faded as he looked on the screen._ _ _ _

____"Hey what's wring?" Minho walked up to Felix bending over his shoulder._ _ _ _

____"The time's up...so you should already go" Mumbled the freckled boy, he obviously wanted for Minho to stay but didn't feel like it was his place to ask._ _ _ _

____"Why aren't you going anywhere? You can't just stay in the building, you know that right?"_ _ _ _

____"It's just hat Jinnie's still not here and I...I can't really leave without him"_ _ _ _

____After a few seconds of silence Minho sensed that he should't leave Lix alone "You know...I could stay with you for the being and once Hyunjin arrives i'll head my way"_ _ _ _

____Felix's head shot up momentarily as his eyes shone with hope "You'd really wait with me?"_ _ _ _

____"Well yeah, why n-" Minho didn't have time to finish his sentence as Felix's body was pressed against his and the younger was squeezing him tightly. The boy hugged him for some time and mouthed a silent thanks before letting go. They quickly packed their things and tidied the cleaning devices, joking about what a poorly job they did at cleaning the place. At first their talk was simple and they soon got bored, pacing around the empty space with Felix checking his messages time to time. Then, the freckled boy stopped as he was intensely staring at the window._ _ _ _

____"Hey Lee Know...I think I have an idea but it's not a really good one"_ _ _ _

____"If its going to lighten up the boredom then i'm down" Replied Minho._ _ _ _

____Felix spun around and pointed at the rather big window leading to the fire exit "Lets go to the roof" Blurted out Lix._ _ _ _

____Minho took some time looking from Felix's enthusiastic face to where the younger was pointing and probably took it as a joke before the younger began consistently persuading him to climb out.  
A few moment's later two shadows were creeping out of the window frame and gripping onto the fire exit ladder pulling themselves up onto the roof. The air was cool, offering a soft evening breeze from the evening cloudless sky rich with blossoming colours of the sunset. It wasn't really dark outside but you could already make out the stars spread across the vast miles of the blue sky scapes and shining down onto the streets and alleys. The college roof was flat and you could easily get up there using the normal stairs but that staircase was already locked and there was no particular fun in doing that. They sat down backs pressed against the upper staircases exit wall, Felix leaning onto Minho. _ _ _ _

____"You know, the stars are so pretty, I love wishing upon them" Said Felix out of no where"_ _ _ _

____"You mean wishing on shooting stars?"_ _ _ _

____"No, on those who are still shining...so someday you can look up and see the star that you wished on still there...still shining....Hyunnie taught me that"_ _ _ _

____Minho didn't reply but just kept on observing the town. It was nice like this, in silence._ _ _ _

____"Hey Felix?"_ _ _ _

____The younger hummed in response, his breath steady and calm._ _ _ _

____"Why does Hyunjin have to guide you to the dorms? It's literally a five minute walk from here"_ _ _ _

____"We live off campus"_ _ _ _

____"Oh" Minho took some time considering his next question "You guys seem...very close"_ _ _ _

____"We are. I've known Jinnie since we were kids...he saved my life"_ _ _ _

____"Saved your life? How?"  
Minho was genuinely curious, but Felix didn't answer, he was lying calmly on the other observing the sky and maybe even drifting away to sleep. Thing is, Felix didn't really get a good amount of sleep the past days and was pretty exhausted. As he was slowly closing his eyes, the freckled boy began mumbling some nonsensical little sentences._ _ _ _

____"From those who rip off the stars..."_ _ _ _

____♢_ _ _ _

____Hyunjin didn't want to leave Felix alone, he really didn't. But there was something he simply had to do._ _ _ _

____So once the blonde was finally let out if the chairman's office and that was already close to the end of the day, he walked out of the building and stood behind the corner of the front entrance. He didn't have to wait long enough before the one he was waiting for walked out and was struggling with the vending machine. He detached himself away from the wall and roughly pulled the figure over pressing him behind the corner. The man stiffened as his eyes landed onto a sharp object that Hyunjin held next to his neck._ _ _ _

____"What the fuck do you want from me you sick bastard"_ _ _ _

____"You still didn't answer my question from earlier today" said Hyunjin with a menacing tone._ _ _ _

____"Where did you hear that name?" He stood steadily, applying slight pressure onto the knife so that the cold blade was pressed against the other's skin._ _ _ _

____"I- from no one, it was written on a piece of paper I swear"_ _ _ _

____"Don't lie to me Ji Woon"_ _ _ _

____"I'm telling the truth" whispered the other as he slipped his hand into his back pocket and let a crumpled note-book sheet fall out. Having the knife still close to his neck, Ji Woon bent down picking it up and handing over to the blonde. Hyunjin frowned, reading the paper's continence. His eyes darted back to Ji Woon._ _ _ _

____"Who gave this to you"_ _ _ _

____"No one, I- I found it in one of the corridors, please i'm telling the truth. It was slipped under one of the heaters and I just happened to pick it up"_ _ _ _

____Hyunjin was extremely sceptical about such things but Ji Woon was too much of a coward to lie when having a knife pressed to his neck. The blonde leaned over to his ear and whispered._ _ _ _

____"If you tell anyone about this, The blade will go deeper" With that said, he let him go, once being freed, Ji Woon sprinted away as far as possible._ _ _ _

____Hyunjin stood there unmoving for some time, rereading again and again the sloppily scripted notes. Next he crumpled the paper and taking out the lighter, set it on fire letting the sheet burn, and dropping it onto the ground. The flames quickly enveloped each and single note, burning it ruthlessly. The last of flames circling the title which read:_ _ _ _

____Suspect n˚3 Lee Felix/Lee _Yongbok _____ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha what's up with me and longer chapters? 
> 
> Please please leave a comment, Appreciate it <3


	7. Those who run and Those who chase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be devoted in two parts) 
> 
> so i'm currently working on the second one 
> 
> meanwhile enjoy this longer chapter ))))))

It didn’t take long before Felix’s phone began ringing and the boy shot his eyes open, darting to the device. Obviously enough, the one calling was none other than Hwang Hyunjin, so the two of them quickly struggled down back to the hall and snatched their stuff, raced through the building’s staircases and corridors, to where Felix was supposed to meet the blonde. Felix happily ran up to the other and straight into his arms as if they haven’t seen each other this very morning. Hyunjin subtly thanked Minho for taking care of Lix and the three of them parted, with Felix jumping into Hyunjin’s car and Lee Know taking a walk back to the dorms. 

The outside weather was pleasing and he didn’t really hurry bak, taking his time to appreciate the coral golden skies of the leaning sunset. Minho wasn’t what you would call lonely by himself but once being in silence again, his thoughts kept coming back as to how his friends would be currently chatting with their roommates and generally having some company.  
Don’t get him wrong though, he actually enjoyed passing his time by himself although these past evenings he couldn’t help but worry about Han.  
He didn’t leave a note or text any of them about where he was and it really concerned Lee Know, he was a witness to how vulnerable and broken Jisung was the day before he took off so naturally some nasty thoughts creeped into his mind.  
Being all caught up in his thoughts, He didn’t feel like coming back to the dorms just yet, so he took a turn off campus to a nice shop and cafe alley, it wasn’t that late so the boy could allow himself some time to relax.

He spotted a pretty looking little coffee shop and his legs guided himself there. As he opened the glass door and stepped into the slightly dimly illuminated space he was immediately struck by the strong smell of dark chocolate mixed with freshly crushed coffee beans. The place itself had a sweet french vibe with surprisingly few people in it. He walked up to the bar stand and after deliberating a few minutes on the large menu board, he settled with a dark chocolate and tangerine coffee cup, also claimed to be their signature drink. The cashier being a young looking girl was obviously inexperienced and struggled a part with her timing. She kept apologising and awkwardly telling Minho to wait just a little longer as she was preparing his order. 

Minho sighed, shaking his head at the girl's incompetence which he found quite endearing and stood waiting at the stand before a familiar name caught his attention, slipping from a conversation happening a few tables behind him. 

“Im telling you Seungmin, I want to help, I really do but there's just this much evidence that you can present legally, which by the way I have no idea from where you got any of this information without breaking the law” 

“Please, you can’t drop it, I beg you, there must be something more to it, I can feel it” came Seungmin’s voice which sounded very much desperate.

“I know that you want justice….and believe me I want it too, but they aren't letting me see the confidential files, and unless someone steps out with some real hardcore evidence, I personally can’t do shit” Replied the woman. 

Seungmin groaned, dropping his head onto the table. “Please Sana, is there really nothing we can do with this info? I have been digging all summer long, there must be something here that can tip the case...i'm begging you"

With the side of his eye Minho could see a notebook through which the woman, Sana, was flipping through. It was the same exact notebook which he saw the boy drop when he bumped into him at one of the college corridors. Come to think of it, this made perfect sense for Seungmin not wanting to drop the case as it was shut off so abruptly and he never got any closure about the murder of his best friend and would be understandable, respectful even unless...the suspects in Seungmin’s notebook were none other than his friends. 

Sana stopped at one of the pages examining it carefully, then took out her phone and snapped a shot of the notes before giving the notebook back to Seungmin.  
“I’ll se what I can do with this but without clear motive or evidence of murder, it’l be just plain accusations, and remember, everything you have there, has to stay between you and me only. This stuff is confidential, if any of this gets out..you might get some months in jail and i'll probably be fired.” 

Being so caught up in their conversation, Minho remembered how to blink only after the cashier girl repeatedly called him ‘sir’ and finally waved her hand in front of his face. 

“Uh, I'm sorry I spaced out, what was that again?” Cleared his throat Minho and brought his attention back to the girl in front of him. She giggled lightly at his reply and pushed forward his drink slightly blushing. 

“Your drink is ready,” She repeated this time more firmly with a soft little smile on her face. 

“Thanks, Have a nice day” Replied Minho, taking his steaming hot paper cup as he hurried out of the shop before Seungmin noticed his presence.

The drink itself was pretty good so Lee Know finished it quickly and as he was about to throw it away, he noticed something written on its side, right where he was holding his hand. He brought the cup closer and it read; * *** *** ** ** Nagyeon.  
Oh...So that’s why she was acting so flustered. 

“I’m sorry Nagyeon…” Mumbled to himself Minho as he threw away the cup. 

It wasn't so rare that girls showed interest in him, but whenever they did, Lee know always had it tough with turning them down, at times it came off to harsh or he made it too subtle leaving the poor girls with false hope. He wasn't so good with words as he made it seem, he could easily play the sarcastic and arrogant manner but when it came down to feelings he would end up rather stuck. To be fair, Nagyeon was really attractive and he might've even saved her number and try taking her out on a date if wan't so very gay and so very closeted.  
Minho was fairly sure about his sexual orientation being not so typical but coming out never really was an option. At some point it was, and at some point he told a few people...and that didn't end well. What happened wasn't even fast but he was dragged down the path of bullying and shame long enough for him to not attempt this again anytime soon.

As he was thinking about this little incident at the cafe and whatever was up with Seungmin, Minho didn't notice that he was already standing at the Campus dormatory building. The thought of opening the door into an empty room again wasn't something he wanted to right now but hey, he could just settle under his sheets and reread his book. again. life goals. 

Minho walked up the stairs which complained and squirmed under his footsteps up to the 4 floor and lazily walked towards his room. As he unlocked the door and entered the changing space he felt that something felt different...and so he saw it.  
A familiar pair of black, shiny, high platformed boots neatly positioned next to his Nikes. The weren't just carelessly thrown off as they would usually be when Jisung stumbled back home, so that was new. Jisung.  
As realisation striked, Minho rapidly threw off his coat and rushed into the apartment. The lights were off and it seemed to be very quiet. Nothing was out of place except for a bag tossed next to Jisung's bed and someone sleeping in it. The pillow which remained vacant for the past time, now had splattered lock of caramel hair layed onto it. His back turned towards the older, Han was slightly snoring as he cosily slept tucked into the bedsheets, street clothes still on but that didn't matter. The first wave of relief came down onto Lee Know. There Jisung was, all alive, all fine, sleeping peacefully while tucked into his covers. Minho wanted to rush over to the sleeping boy and slip his soft cushion from underneath his head, wake him up and hug him tightly. Tell him how he was worried, ask him why he wasn't texting back or where has he beed for the past week.  
Minho wanted the younger to know that he was worried sick and tell him off, make him apologise and promise to never do that gain. For god's sake he even let the scary possibility of Jisung being dead sneak into his anxiety full mind. 

But he didn't. Lee know was aware of how tired Han must've been to fall into bed without undressing, he'll let him have his rest and they'l talk once the morning comes. Sighing deeply, he quietly took off his clothes and without making a sound entered the bathroom, paying attention to softly close the door in order to not wake up the younger. In a few he minutes he sneaked out of it, clothed in an oversized T shirt. He probably should've just climbed back into his own bed but instead Minho stopped, looking at the sleeping boy in front of him. 

Not really thinking, Minho slowly walked up to the other, eyes glued to his figure, tracing the lines of his face in the darkening light slipping through the window. He stood besides him for a few seconds before leaning over and taking a peak at his closed eyes and parted lips. from their first meeting up until now, Minho was convinced that Han was an asshole. An asshole with a big burden on his shoulders? Sure, but still an asshole. And for whatever reason he seemed to somehow grow attached to him, not that Jisung was likeble or nice to him in particular but he showed his vulnerable side to him so it must've meant something...right? Whatever it was, it was easy enough to be named attraction. Perhaps even a slowly developing crush.  
After staring at the younger, Minho began feeling that his behaviour could be taken as creepy so he turned around and snuggled into his own covers, waiting to fall as sleep so the morning can come faster. 

♤/p>

Opposed to what he expected from getting in to bed early, Minho slept like a dead man. He didn't wake up when he heard muffled noizes through his dream, he didn't wake up at echoes of footseps nor did he wake up at the subtle sound of a closing door. The moment when his eyes finally cracked open, his alarm was going off for the second time after he carelessly snoozed it once. He heavily sat up in his bead, ruffling his hair and stretching his body into a wide yawn, he felt oddly sore as he has probably overslept. His mind remained blank as he crinkled his face from the bright light of sunshine tickling his eyelashes. As he stood up and looked around the room he suddenly felt a pang in his brain as a name popped up brightly in his memory.  
Jisung, Han Jisung, his roommate. That's right, he was finally back, all safe and sound but...as he turned his head enthusiastically in search of his silhouette all he found was an empty bed and no. one in sight.  
Minho frowned as the time was way too early to be heading to class, taking in count that he usually woke earlier than Han, going to the bathroom first and then shaking the younger awake as he groaned lazily and pushed him away. Lee Know smiled at the memory, but it quickly retracted as the realisation of being left alone again sank into that sunny morning. His eyes dropped and he cracked hid knuckles out of frustration and...hurt. There was a subtle pound of betrayal that flickered inside him, what hurt even more was that as it spread through his body, he failed to become angry. A part of him wanted to scream at Jisung or hurt him back, but another part, missed him more that he realised...and desired nothing more than to see him again. 

There was just something captivating about the boy which made Lee Know feel strangely attracted to him, maybe Jisung was his type? A typical bad boy, delinquent, doesn't care about the rules always late to class and undeniably straight. Right, class. Instead of standing lost and figuring out his feelings it was better that Minho began getting ready for class, he'll meet Han at club time and talk to him then.  
It didn't take long before Minho was already exiting the apartment room and locking the door. He didn't care that he was early and that the college building was still closed, he simply felt more at ease walking down the campus streets still awaiting the sunrises full bloom. It was still chilly outside, the right amount of cold through the air which was so good at waking you up and clearing a mind stuffy with thoughts. 

Glancing a few times down at his watch, Lee know slowed his pace as he had another half an hour before he would start heading to club time so he decided to take a sit at the campuses cafe right before the main entrance. To be fair, the coffee there was really crappy and the food visibly overpriced but many early students liked to hang around there before class or read their books. When he walked through the glass door, the first thing to catch his eye was a guy sunken deep into one of the sideway sofa's, his hood over his head. The lad was probably sleeping, as his head was relaxed against his shoulder and hands crossed on his chest. Apparently, he ordered tea as there was a still hot cup on his table, steam emerging from it, he must've fallen asleep before it was brought to him. Not even realising it Minho stepped towards the sleeping figure as he felt that the boy was oddly familiar even though he couldn't see his face.

As he pulled over his the chair to take a sit, the other flinched, lifting his his chin up and revealing a pair of tired brown eyes looking back at Minho. 

"Seungmin?" Was the only thing he thought of saying. 

Seungmin sat up, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head as to awaken from the weak dream he was having and nodded. For whatever reason the boy was there, he looked exhausted, his eyebags darker than most of his skin made him look like some sort of racoon. There's a type of tired that needs a good sleep to ware it off and the other one, which desires so much more to let go. Seungmin looked worn out. He scratched his head and moved his cup of tea towards him, taking a sip and shooting a questioning look back at Minho. He wore a different set of clothes from yesterday, so that was good, it meant that he most likely didn't pull an all-nighter on the streets. 

"Uuh, I'm sorry that I woke you up," Muttered Minho as the situation was very awkward. They stared at each other for a few seconds. As he began slowly turning around in thought of leaving the boy alone but stopped abruptly as Seungmin suddenly grabbed him by his wrist. 

"Wait! I, I actually have something I wanted to talk to you about." 

Minho was uncertain about his decision, on one hand he was curious to hear his side of the story. Based on what he heard from Chan, Seungmin didn't have it easy and apparently still didn't let it go. But on the other side...he saw with own eyes that he's been digging up stuff about his friends. He was suspecting Hyunjin for murder. He was suspecting _Jisung _for murder.  
Whatever he really had in mind was still a mystery for Minho so he decided to give the boy the benefit of the doubt and hear him out. And not get involved. __

__Lee Know sighed and let his bag fall off of his shoulder as he took a seat in front of Seungmin eying him with an indifferent expression._ _

__"Sure, Just make it quick...I was just planning to get an americano and head out"_ _

__"Thanks" Seungmin's voice was quiet, so Minho had to apply attention to hear what he was saying._ _

__Seungmin looked down at his hands before he began talking..._ _

__"I wasn't planning on having this talk with you Minho...You just happened to get into it on your own. I know you overheard me yesterday, and I know you saw my notebook the day we ran into each other. Just please don't tell anyone k? If this ever gets out, Sana will get fired and I'll never solve this fucking case...and this is not an option"_ _

__Seungmin's voice hitched in the middle of his sentence._ _

__"Will it involve Jisung?" Realising his slip, Minho immediately kept on rambling "I, I mean will it involve anyone from our friend group like Hyunjin or Felix, Chan and Changbin?"_ _

__"I don't know what's going on between you and Han but take my advice and stay away from him, he isn't who you think he is"_ _

__"How can you say this? You were friends, Kwan Jae was his friend too, you- you can't just accuse someone of murder"_ _

__Hearing his name something snapped in Seungmin and Minho instantly regretted triggering him in such a state. The boy's tired eyes lit up with a flame of anger and he stood up, hands on the table leaning over to Lee Know._ _

__"You don't even know them. You never knew Kwan Jae, he did nothing wrong to be killed! And the next Monday, as I come up to each of them, all that meets me is a blank, empty stare in their eyes as they avoid me. They avoided my touch, avoided my eyes, avoided my words, ghosted me and left me all alone. How do you think I felt when standing in the main hall I heard the announcement his death? It all made sense then, they couldn't even look me straight in my eyes leaving me bare to the news. Chan and Changbin only looked down on me when i said that I knew that they killed him. It all tied together perfectly, it all was right in front of them but no- 'Seungmin, they're our friends''  
he spat resentfully.  
"'give them some time' they said. and what then? Then they closed the-" He took a shaky breath dropping his gaze down to his fists "They dropped the fucking case. They shut it down in the middle of investigation, only a few months in, and Jisung? He ditched us all, went to hand out with the delinquent assholes. Hyunjin didn't even let me talk to Felix, all I needed to hear was his side of the story but motherfucking Hwang keeps his mouth shut, I wonder who else he shuts down....maybe the police? Holly shit, Minho do you even know who _Hwang Hyunjin _is?"___ _

____He looked like a lunatic. Completely drained of energy as the only thing firing him up was the wound of sorrow burning deeper than could be seen. He didn't want justice...he wanted revenge. Seungmin, as the boy Minho knew him to be, was a quiet person all up in his business, cares for his brother and someone who went through some shit. But this....this was just nonsense. What he said didn't make sense, right? It was all just accusations out of pure starvation to blame someone, he's hungry for revenge...right?_ _ _ _

____Once Seungmin finished talking, he was out of breath and seemed to come back to his senses. The fire in his eyes dimmed down, leaving out watery brown irises meeting Minho's darker ones. He blinked a few times before sitting sown and clearing his throat. He reached his hand to wipe off something glistening at the corner of his eye._ _ _ _

____"I'm sorry." Seungmin practically whispered._ _ _ _

____It took Minho a moment to realise that the younger had slipped a tear from his eye. He wasn't angry anymore...he was pathetically desperate. With all honesty, he was sorry about Seungmin, it didn't mean that was he was doing was right or wrong, but it did give him an extremely string motive. Suddenly, all of Seungmin's behaviour added up perfectly, how the others treated him, how worried he was about Seungmin and how bitter he acted with Han. Having no better idea in his mind Lee Know sat next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder . The other slowly turned his head facing Minho with an unreadable expression._ _ _ _

____"I don't want to get on bad terms with you Sung, I think you have your reasons but if you continue going at this pace, you'll drain yourself of all sanity."_ _ _ _

____"I don't even know if I have any left...i spent all summer on this and now....and now i'm hitting the same wall all over again." Scoffed the younger as a bitter smile appeared on his lips."There's not much time left Hyung, If no one steps in, if no one helps me, This-" He flopped his notebook on the table "These months of research...are going to be absolutely useless"_ _ _ _

____Minho sighed, sliding the notebook back to Sengmin with a glimpse of a reassuring smile.  
"I'll be honest with you, I don't approve of whatever digging you're doing there but I'll keep it between us as long as it doesn't harm anyone. Don't cross the line okay?" Something in Minho felt off and whatever it was, it kept telling him that the continent of his little research crossed already a lot of lines but seeing Seungmin's condition, it might break him if he tried anything right now. And whatsoever, neither Jisung nor Hyunlix were murders so what could he possibly find out, he shouldn't fear because they were innocent...right? _ _ _ _

____"Thanks Lee Know, i appreciate that" Tucking his book back into is bag, Seungmin stood up glancing at the watch on his wrist. "I think we could maybe already make our way to the club room, Changbin can actually be super early at times so..."_ _ _ _

____"Yeah, let's go together" Confirmed Lee Know, why not? There really is more to Seungmin than it seems._ _ _ _

____Seungmin offered him a soft smile, he looked very pretty when he smiled, Minho silently wished he would smile more. It made him look so much different? It's a sweet side to the younger that he should show more often. The two of them got up and after leaving a few bills as the tip for the waitress, they walked out turning towards the main entrance.  
While they made their way up the stairs, they even managed to crack a few jokes, sustaining a pleasant conversation. Seungmin visibly relaxed and felt more at ease with Minho, talking casually for some 15 minutes before they were pacing down the last corridor before knocking onto the clubroom door. To both of their surprise, they heard music through the door and a smoothly delivered beautiful line of rap echoing from the inside. _ _ _ _

____"I haven't heard that voice for a while" Mumbled Seungmin._ _ _ _

____Slowly opening the door, Minho poked his head through the crack and stared. He felt the door being pushed further through by Seungmin and he nearly tripped inside and snapping out of his haze._ _ _ _

____Jisung was standing inside the recording booth, a suspended Microphone in front of him, eyes closed as he was reciting rap lines one after another. Next to him stood Changbin, adjusting vocals t the micanical part .As he saw Seungmin and Minho, he brought up a finger up to his lips mimicking a silence sign. Lee Knows eyes shifted from Changbin back to Han and he was gone again. He felt a light tug on his sleeve as seungmin pulled him down to sit on the chair and handed him a piece of paper._ _ _ _

____"Changbin said we have to write commentary" Told him Seungmin in a hushed tone and plopped a pen into his hand._ _ _ _

____"Commentary?"_ _ _ _

____"You know, constructive criticism and stuff"_ _ _ _

____Minho nodded and brought his attention back to Jisung who's eyes remained shut so he hadn't noticed them yet. He was obviously in his own world, consumed by music, slightly frowning from the rapidity of the flow. What kind of commentary was he talking about? Jisung was _flawless _. He tried to come up with any words except for a rain of compliments but his mind remained blank, listening to Jisung's voice. Remaining lost he looked over to Seungmin who already had a few sentences down and carried on writing something. He frankly couldn't comprehend what kind of criticism Seungmin was writing down but yet again, he openly disliked the other so what was there to be surprised about?  
He lifted his gaze to look back at Han. All of a sudden, his rap broke off into a high pitched voice reaching beautiful hights as lyrics rippled the air. Wow. He knew that Han was a rapper...but also a vocalist? Minho's lips parted as he gawked at the younger. Changbin was bobbing his head in rythm and took a quick glance at Lee Know's enhanced expression, a confused smirk made its way upon him. ___ _ _ _

______Jisung finished the flow with a breathless 'uuh' before opening his eyes and turning towards Changbin in an expectant way. Changbin showed a thumbs in approval next pointing fingerguns towards the two boys seated at the demi-circle positioned chairs. Once Jisung catches sight of Minho and Jisung his smile drops but he attempts to cover it up with a fake one and a greeting nod. Once Minho get's the long awaited contact he attempts, he really tries to hold onto but it slips away as Jisung gulps and avoids the older. As he opens the door of the booth Han ruffles his hair and hands the earphones back to Changbin who pats his back as a praise. He awkwardly walked past Lee Know, not a single 'hello' or 'morni'n' and dropping down into the sofa._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Heyyy what's up with you guys being so early today? I mean, I woke up early to take my dog on walk and just happened to run into Jisung who was doing god knows what, tossing pebbles into he fountain" He lifted his eyebrows towards Jisung "All of a sudden he's super eager to finally record a test song and so we came over here like a whole hour before opening hours and now you guys show up 30m minutes early too" Points out Changbin._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You have a dog?" asks Minho._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yeah Its name is Pablo" Replied Changbin._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You named your dog Pablo..?" Confirmed the younger._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yeah What's wrong with that? I think it's original"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho Chuckled while Seungmin remained silent, fidgeting a pen between his fingers._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Alright, umm...The song was amazing though! You're really stepped your game, I mean where were you the past week? An idol training course?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"please Hyung, It's not that good" Chuckled Han._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I liked it, I thought it was great, I, I've never heard you sing before" Commented Minho, he might've came off slightly enthusiastic though. Han shrugged in response, not even looking back up at the older._ _ _ _ _ _

______"And what did you think about it Minnie?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______After that Seungmin read out a whole paragraph how his vocals went down during the summer due to lack of practice, how his rap part was to harsh compered to the softness of the song and how the 'ey' and 'uuh' sounds were completely unnecessery. To that, Jisung didn't even bother replying as Changbin took the paper from Seungmin's hands and shoving it away to the younger's displeasure. They continued relistening to the recording and adjusting his vocals through an app, adding harmonies as the door was struck open again by Hyunlix._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hyunjin walked into the room with a large guitar case over his shoulder, a fancy electric of a good quality brand and Felix next to him. What was another eye catcher were Felix's freckles which were dotted gold and sprinkled with glitter, it made the boy look even more like a piece of sunshine if that was possible. They greeted Changbin as he grinned widely as he eyed he guitar once Hyunjin handed it over to him. He plugged in the guitar onto a power channelling device inside the booth and the blonde went over to adjust it, Felix going along with him. It didn't take long Before Chan was there, dragging behind hm a grumpy looking Jeongin who also had a guitar with him.  
Chan later on explained that today it was revision for the instrumentals so the vocalists and rappers could hang around if they wanted to but basically had some free time and could be dismissed. Lee know would be lying if he said he wasn't happy about that, he could finally have some alone time with Jisung and figure out why he left so early this morning or where he was these past weeks. But before he had time to pull Han aside, he noticed him having one arm over Jeongin, guiding him out of the club room. Both he and Seungmin weren't thrilled to see that. At this point Minho was positive that Han was doing his absolute best to avoid the older which stung but if he plays this game, them Minho can play it right back. Biting his lower lip he toulc a few seconds considering his decision but quickly after rushes after them. _ _ _ _ _ _

______'Hey guys d'you mind if I hang around today?" Catches up Minho._ _ _ _ _ _

______"No"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Sure"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jeongin turns to Jisung and shoots him an uncertain look._ _ _ _ _ _

______'Umm, you can't because we're skipping class today...it's gang stuff"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"We are?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yes we are." That said Han attempted to walk away but Jeongin stopped him by his shoulder. "Hyung, Lee Know can come with us if he wants to though, right?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Han slowly rocked on his heels and passed a hand through his hair. "I mean sure, you can go with us" His voice seemed uncertain and forced, gliding through the air with a minor crackle wobbling his words. It wasn't hard to see that he was forcing things and was doing a terrible job at hiding it. The boy had his heart displayed on his sleeve, all of his emotions leaking through._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______"But i don't think you'd want to..because of my absense we'll have to go to the meeting skapes. Street fights, weird people, possible drug deals and shit, trust me Lee Know you won't want to go"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hearing his words Jeongin's expression changed into a darker one "you...you want to go to the skapes?" A light silence was suspended through the air "Lee Know, here Han might be right, the skapes isn't a place that-"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm going" Interrupted minho "This place doesn't sound safe, it's only better if i look after the both of you." Jeongin looked like he wanted to argue but shut his mouth as Minho carried on "And I doubt that Seungmin would approve of that right Jeongin?" He grimaced shaking his head theatrically "No, your brother would hate if he found out that Han dragged you into such a terrible place hm? He already tells you to stay away, wonder what will happen if I just..."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Alright! I give up, please don't tell Seungmin, I don't want to worry him. _please _" A nasty smirk tugged on the corners of Minho's mouth. If Jisung was going to play dirty, then so is he. Jisung glared at him warily before dropping his eyes and nodding, gesturing the older to follow him. The three boys trotted down the stairs and sneaked out the college back door escaping into the streets. No words were exchanged between them, simply following Jisung as they made their way swearving the streets outside of campus. Jisung hurried the pace as if trying to escape Minho's burning gaze that didn't leave the back of his head. Finally, he stopped before a spray painted garage wall, crouching down before its lock and fidgeting with it for a few seconds before the blinds swung upwards leaving out the chain. As the sunshine shone upon the dim inside glistening onto the carcasses of it's continents, enlightening the sight of five or so bikes parked in a row. Jeongin momentarily lit up with a joyful smile, hopping towards a dark blue one and passing his hand on top of the bike's back. the boy rolled the bike outside, proudly showing it to Minho who stood with his hands in his pockets.___ _ _ _ _ _

________Han's bike was visibly older with torn off stickers, double seated at that, so two people could fit onto the vehicle. Jisung searched a bit in the back of the garage, then walking out with helmets and tossing one over to Minho who steadily caught it with both of his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Lee Know, you're gonna sit with me and Jeongin follow along" Noted Han._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Both of them nodded, taking their positions onto the bikes after Han locked up the blinds once again. Minho had his hans tightly wrapped around Jisung's waist, in fact he was slightly sacred of the ride but didn't show so. Han ruffled the engine a few times before taking off with a rapid start. Once the bike began streaming down the road, Han felt Lee Know duck into him, pressed extremely closed, like a scared rabbit, obviously not used to the speed. Feeling the older's body wrapped around him, made Jisung's heartbeat skip a beat but the boy brushed it off. There was a reason he was avoiding him... Don't let it slip Han. _Don't let it slip _.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________♤_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________They were racing through the downtown streets, watching the town turn gloomier and gloomier, houses scrappier with sketchy looking people roaming don the streets, not even bothering to turn their heads to the two bikes racing past them as the bloated sun was now straight upon their heads. Jisung drove over behind another abandoned house with a junkie trashcans to its sides, parking his bike besides the sidewalk. These parts of town usually are feared by the amount of gangs hiding through the streets, using the fact that security forces don't give a shit about these corners letting teens go south throughout their growth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Swinging his legs of the seat, Jisung stepped onto the ground waiting for Jeongin to park his while Minho squinted his eyes from the brightness. For whatever reason, the light here also seemed different, burning his vision as he looked around._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"How did you even get a place among these people?" Spoke up Minho._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Jisung sighed, taking off his helmet and passing a hand through his messy hair. "I...Used to go to high school here, before moving to the pretty parts of Seoul."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Is your family from here?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Jisung didn't have time to answer as Jeongin finally pulled over parking besides them. "Hyung, Are you sure it's a good idea? We haven't been here since summertime and that didn't end well"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"That's exactly why I'm here, sorry that you dragged along but but it was your choices"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He wasn't wrong, both Jeongin and Minho had the option to stay and go to class but they decided to follow Jisung here. Even though it was beaming midday, the aura of the place was harshly overpowering...Minho wondered how the average person, possibly with kids would go about living in a place invaded with criminals. Jisung guided them into another narrow alley with inwall kiosks and a few guys standing here and there, spitting out clouds of smoke from their mouths, a cigarette synched between their fingers. He walked up to a little tent like stand, apparently selling water. The vender, a petite looking girl with dark short hair was leaning over it and glancing down to her phone. As they approached her, Minho noticed something shiny attached to the side of her hip, _a knife _.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________'We're closed" she stated without looking up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Jisung tssked at her with a subtle smile "Won't even spare us a glance now Lisa?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The girl looked over at them through her lashes studying their faces with a cold gaze. "Who's that with you?" her left hand pointing towards Minho._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"A friend of mine, he's like I.N. except for he's only here for a visit"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"We don't do visits, you're either in it or you're Han Jisung"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Han smirked bending slightly towards her "I see i'm still special here hmm?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Lisa rolled her eyes, putting her phone away and opening the tiny door of the stand and stepping aside so that they could come in "You're not. I don't even know how everyone just keeps letting you go both ways, I guess it's also your bonus card in Seoul isn't it?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Jisung scoffed shaking his head and gesturing Jeongin and Lee Know to follow them into the depths of the house which resembled more a labyrinth of corridors and stairs. Han swept one of his hands over Lisa as she kept hers crossed on her chest showing no reaction. He kept talking to her like an old friend and she wasn't pushing him away so they probably were somewhat close. Maybe they were very close? ...More than friends close?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"He'll be acting really differently here, so don't expect anything k?" whispered Jeongin. Minho faintly startled by the younger being so near to his ear snapped out of his thoughts. Why the fuck was he even thinking about Jisung's past relationships right now? He should really stop projecting the fact that he might be maybe having feelings for the younger onto every single situation they get into._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Lisa turned towards a large staircase leading through the house into some kind of underground. it was stuffed with people passing by them wobbling and pushing past each other, drunk, high or something else. The whole area barely lit by a few dim lights, shone down onto a rather large crowd explosing in shouts and cheers. It was stuffy, the strong aroma of sweat hitting their nostrils brought a rather nausea like feeling but it's easy to get used to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________A fucking illegal fighters club. What else to expect._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Suit yourselves, y'all got lucky to stop by on a tournament day and Jisung...show e'm out there" With that said, Lisa stepped out, probably returning to their fake water stand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Han took off his jacket handing it over to Jeongin, swerving down into the mess of bodies leaving Minho and the younger alone. It took Minho a few seconds to realise what just happened as he lost sight of Jisung and was ready to run after him but felt a hand on his shoulder stopping him from chasing the younger._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"It's not your game Lee Know, he knows these people"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"I can't just let him participate in these fights"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Well you have to" Jeongin's tongue wetted his lips from frustration "He hasn't been here for months, these guys remember him since he was 16, if you want him to listen...trust him"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Minho held the intense eye contact for another solid moment before swallowing his disapproval. To trust Jisung. the images of a crying boy all cuddled up in his arms flashed before his eyes. He had to trust him. Suddenly, the crowd exploded into a n obnoxious cheer and both of them turned their heads towards the stage. There stood Jisung, in the middle of spotlight, grinning widely as a few other people gave him pats on the back and handed him towels and bottles. Soon enaough another guy climbed up onto the ring, he was butched and taller than the lather with tattoos descending down his back, he lifted his hands in the air and a side of the people shouted even louder in order to please their fighter. Finally seeing an opponent Jisung whipped off his shirt letting his caramel skin glisten from an already appeared sweat. Guys around them began making bets, and trash talking either Jisung or the guy besides him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Minho's eyes stopped fidgetting around as he fixated them on the people in the ring once a third person stepped in. It was the judje, or whatever ypu would call the man with the whistle, stood in the middle his hand in the air until it slowly quieted down. Tension only kept rising and Minho's lids slowly descended shutting off his gaze, heart pounding, not willing to look._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Aren't you going to watch?" Asked Jeongin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Is he going to be alright?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"We'll wait and see"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________These words spoken, the air was struck by the cry of a whistle, meaning the fight has began. Jisung, who was previously walking around and shedding smiles at those beneath the stage was now standing in position, a slight shift in his aura but already was more confident or even menacing.  
In that frozen second between stand off and fighting Minho can clearly see their eyes flick from his opponent to him. His face is unreadable, no fear, no invitational smirk. In that very glimpse that their gazes interlock Minho took in a deep breath and pierced his lips from the intensity of the moment....then it's gone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Jisung's attention is back on the butch guy who took the first swing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to make my next update as quick as possible <3
> 
> please please leave a comment <3


	8. Lost in mind scapes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minsung figuring things out

The blow felt too sluggish, but still it hurt. He stepped a few steps backwards, regaining his balance and swerved around his opponent directing his fist in his side but was blocked. Jisung quickened his movements, becoming more precise as his leg rose up to the others abdomen. The guy hissed bringing his hand to the place of his future bruise. He shot his head up, fire in his eyes and advanced at Jisung, elbow targeting his throat.

As he was about to strike, Han swerved through his right ducking forwards. His opponent couldn't even register the dodge, however, another body shot, this one to his ribs, sent fresh ripples of pain through his torso. He didn’t fall—he made absolutely sure he did not fall—but it was a lot closer than he’d have liked. In other bars, where he was more well-known, his reputation would have already taken a beating whether he won the fight or not. 

A tingling feeling of freedom would sometimes spur inside Jisung every time he let himself get consumed in the fight. He didn't wan't to use the word liberating when referring to pain but it was precisely what it was. Each time he escaped his opponent's punches, concentration on how his bare feet collided with the cool floor of the fighting ring, tiny stones of dust sometimes stuck between his toes. His hands wrapped in bandages in order to somehow protect his knuckles, the feeling of rough hits delivered in between them. The fight took him away, it was always his own personal drug...but like every other it was lethal. Jisung has already left this place once. For good, started a 'new life' at a new college campus but after one night, that very June 2, all he wished for was having his broken system dulled again by punches. After that, he kept fleeing and returning, once or twice in a few months crawling back here to feel the liquid steel of blood invade the senses of his tongue, once again, before swearing that it was the last....and then returning.

With that he gained experience, panting from the drill-- became respected and known. With fame rose those thriving to defeat him, and there was always someone at the end of the day who would deliver the final blow, forcing his knees to weaken and crumple down under defeat and tiredness from gritting his teeth in the ring all day. This fight however, was only the beginning.  
He recalled the guy in front of him, Zanny was it? At least that's what they called him, nothing special except for stern muscles and being taller than some guys. He'd take him down, just wait and see. 

Zanny darted forward, lifting his elbow. Jisung stepped backwards, leaning left so his weight was balancing sternly as he swung his forearm in front of his face to counter the blow, meanwhile forming a fist in his right hand to curve a punch into the other's temple. The move was fast and tricky but it payed off as he felt his knuckles hit the side of Zanny's outstretched jaw, and splatters of crimson tainted his glove. The taller tapped back, loosing coordination for a milisecond, but that was enough for Han's foot to find the back of his knees, sending him falling down beneath him. The drop was fast, a shake to the floor from his opponents back crashing down and letting a pow of air out of him. 

3, 2, 1...and a win. He won, not surprising but crucially satisfying, knowing that all the cheers from the crowd were directed to him. All the praises, cries and lost or won bets were strongly tied to his success. They didn't think who he was, they cared only about his figure and his movements. Combined with the ache of pain in his muscles, that's what he called _liberating _.__

__The burn of desire ran up through Han's veins, this was good, but not good enough. Heck, he has only started! Slowly walking around the ring he lifted his arms as the volume of the room rose up with them.  
"Who's next?! C'mon, don't make me wait!" Cried out Jisung.  
Soon enough, another guy, climbed up onto the arena..._ _

__♡_ _

__Minho was nibbling on his lip, flinching at every punch exchanged between the two. Soon a taste of metal leaked into his mouth and his tongue passing over the bottom lip, licked over a droplet of blood. Lee Know knew he couldn't do shit, watching for now god knows how long. Suddenly, realisation hit him.  
He was standing in the middle of nowhere, squished in between sweaty bodies shouting for two guys to punch each other. And for what? for Jisung? Jisung who left him alone in bed and leaving for a week, no calls no messages and once he's back avoiding him all day? That's the guy for which he dragged his ass into a downtown fight club? _ _

__Everything else was a blur, it was all too loud, too bright, to stuffy. Minho needed some fresh air, not like his presence mattered anyway. He pushed through some people behind him and stepped up from the crowd, hurrying up the stairs. Some guys shot him drunken glares, and some girls passed their fingers on his chest, touching the fabric of his shirt.  
He still heard the fight echoing downstairs but he couldn't bare to watch. Pressed to one of the corridor halls was Jeongin, kissing furiously a seemingly high girl, funny, Minho didn't even notice how the younger slipped away. Once finally seeing the door to the outside streets, he stumbled towards it and knocked a few times. He didn't have to wait for long, soon enough, it darted open revealing Lisa, bending through the doorframe._ _

__"Oh it's you, whady'a need? Did the fights already finish?" Asked the brunette._ _

__Lee Know shook his head "I just need some distraction, Jisung's getting on my nerves"_ _

__Lisa curved an eyebrow with a half smirk "Jisung getting on someone's neves? Welcome to the club pal"_ _

__Stepping aside she let Jisung exit the building into the tiny space of the water stand. The sun was still visible, already heading towards the sunset but now with more clouds. Shit, how much time has passed?_ _

__Minho attempted to swerve past her into the streets but Lisa quickly stopped him turning him around "Wooaah where d'yuo think you're going?"_ _

__"I told you, I needed some air, let me go" He failed to free himself from Lisa's grasp as the girl ended up being way stronger than showed her looks._ _

__"Into the streets? Nah, Han will strangle me if I let you go. Wanna get your mind off of something, go pick a fight or get high"_ _

__"I don't do drugs"_ _

__"Yet" Smirked him Lisa._ _

__"Listen I just need a place to vent my head, and I'm _not _doing drugs."___ _

____"You got the wrong place to do it kid" Replied the girl, and she was right._ _ _ _

____Suddenly the sounds behind the door exploded in another loud cheer to which Minho flinched at the invasion of unpleasant thoughts. Did Jisung win? What if he lost? Lisa's eyes curiously studied Minho's expression._ _ _ _

____"Why do you care about him so much?"_ _ _ _

____To that Minho couldn't answer himself. To say that he was confused would be an understatement. Maybe it was his fucking saviour complex giving in but he desperately wanted to help Han even though the other keeps on pushing him away. In his mind, he blindly believed that the evening after the uno game meant something, so he gripped onto that last hope._ _ _ _

____Lisa sighed, passing her nails through the free strands of he fringe. "Right, follow me you broken soul"_ _ _ _

____The girl rolled her eyes and turned towards the door, slightly opening it and sticking he head through the slit- came her voice muffled by the other sounds._ _ _ _

____"EY JENNIE, Get your ass over here I'm taking a break!" Shouted Lisa, then stepping aside they both waited before a girl in a mini-skirt and a large hoodie with long blonde hai, messily arranged in a half undone pony tail tripped through the step. Her eyes darted between Minho and Lisa, slightly squinting after catching natural light._ _ _ _

____"Jeez can't you wait another hour?" Slurred the girl, Jennie. Her eyes were red and eye lids half closed, "Fuuuuck Pablo's so hot"_ _ _ _

____"Stop thinking about guys for at least a second" Groaned the brunette._ _ _ _

____Lisa walked up to the blonde and dragged her by her wrist to the stand, as she didn't resist. "Nope, but I promise it won't be too long" She took out a key and slid it onto Jennie's pocket, tapping on it twice and gave her a fake smile. Jennie groaned tilting her head and supporting herself with one hand as she covered her eyes with the other. She was probably drunk and having a headache, Lisa appeared to be the only sober one around here. After convincing Jennie to stay at the stand and stop whining, Lisa walked past Minho, turning behind the building and gesturing for him to follow.  
The other even narrower side of the street was the place with empty boxes and trash laying around, cats hissing at the intruders and the scent of decay roaming through it. It had rusty ladders attached to the brick walls with water leaking through some of the pipes. Lisa stopped before on the unsafe looking constructions and began climbing up, dirtying her hands in the process. As she turned around she noticed that Minho wasn't following. _ _ _ _

____"C'mom, hurry up" Said Lisa, and continues her climb._ _ _ _

____Minho stood hesitantly before putting his foot on the first step of the tarnished ladder, pressing his weight onto it a few times to make sure that it wouldn't collapse. After this motion, he finally started following Lisa in her mount. The steps beneath them wobbled, threatening to break with every movement they make but the girl remained indifferent as she has made this way multiple times before. The ladder lead up to a semi rooftop, not as tall as others with grander buildings towering over it. It had broken furniture left there to lay around, probably dragged there from other places.  
It was nice as they were alone, Lisa picked up a plastic chair as Minho finally reached the top. Wandering around the platform was Lisa, probably searching for something to sit on._ _ _ _

____"This good enough? to 'clear your head'?" asked the brunette._ _ _ _

____"Yeah, it's cool, thanks...why are you helping me?"_ _ _ _

____"hm?" Lisa turned her head towards Minho with an innocent smile._ _ _ _

____"I mean, I'm surely not the first one to ask you something like that and you barely even know me"_ _ _ _

____Lisa sighed running her hand through her fringe which appeared to be a habit of hers. "Same reason as for why you are even here, Lee Know was it? You're obviously not a gang type of person, this is foreign for you. Jisung on the other hand-" She didn't get to finish as Jisung interrupted her._ _ _ _

____"You also care about him right? Do, umm, do you like him?" Minho was unsure asking this, he intended to hear one answer and one answer only._ _ _ _

____Lisa shook her head with a sad smile, even a chuckle escaping her lips "naaaah, but you do"_ _ _ _

____Minho froze, not knowing what to say, but luckily she carried on._ _ _ _

____"What's up with you and Ji anyways? Never seen anyone to follow him to the skapes, who isn't a part of his fancy Seoul guys of course"_ _ _ _

____Lisa scooted closer on a plastic chair while Minho sat onto a broken fridge. He squinted his eyes at the sky before sighing deeply. "I'm not really sure, I think we had sort of a moment but he was drunk and emotional...and the next day he's gone for a week without a word, came back only yesterday and has been avoiding me all along"_ _ _ _

____The girl snorted into giggles before passing a hand over her face. "You think that's a big deal? Once Ji graduated High school, one night he just took off. No goodbye, no see you later, just whoosh and gone for 4 years. And then this summer, all of a sudden, he shows up here with some punk, beats up a bunch of guys at a tournament and earns himself a place. Just like that. Then he told me 'Lisa I wasn't planning on coming back, I'm not here to stay,' and vanishes again, in a few months, he's back again, but now with some dude named I.N. They pull the same shit and he says that 'This is the last time I'm here, but we could properly say goodbye' cool, we're on parting good terms and then, in a few months, there he is, but now with you"  
Scoffed the brunette, her tone sarcastic, obviously without holding a grudge. _ _ _ _

____"You mean he suddenly began showing up here, without a reason?"_ _ _ _

____Lisa shrugged and hummed in approval "Jisung is a mystery, although, I don't think he's doing good...he changed a lot, and grew up of course" She lifted her eyes to met Lee Know's and searched something in them. "You think you could help him?"_ _ _ _

____"I don't know, as I said, he's been avoiding me...I'm nothing but helpless romantic aren't I?"_ _ _ _

____"You really are." Confirmed Lisa._ _ _ _

____♡_ _ _ _

____Thunder came as a roared promise of rain. The sky coughing violently through the clouds, sending winds and shivers over their skin. By the way things seems to go, it was simple to assume that it was about to rain. Lisa looked up into the cloudy depths, descending into her thought. They've been sitting here for a while now, talking and laughing, enjoying each other's company. Minho already got use to the constantly crawling around and feasting on some banana peels or open cans of dried tomato soup cockroaches and buzzing flies. It wasn't a nice place, nothing here was, but a good little escape room where one can feel better._ _ _ _

____Minho took out his phone, patiently waiting for the screen to light up as minuscule droplets of rain splattered onto the screen creating a tearlike pattern._ _ _ _

_____Fuck. _The time said 6:45__ _ _ _ _

______It took him a moment to react, letting thoughts flood his head all over again. Coming back to reality, to why he came here in he first place, for who he is doing all of this. They came here around 13 in the morning, maybe earlier. One name just kept repeating itself all over again._ _ _ _ _ _

_______Jisung. ____ _ _ _ _ _

________Holly shit, Jisung was still down there. Minho shot up to his feet cold sweat of worry for the younger already appearing on his temple. Lisa looked up at him confused, her hands on her arms as it became very chilly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What's wrong?" asked Lisa._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"The, the fights, Jisung couldn't have been fighting all this time could he? What if he lost? what if he needs help...What if I.N. needs help?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lisa sighed, tilting her head "I won't go. I'm done with Ji being all that, he has you now anyways, and tell Jennie I'm here"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She was serious, Minho was alone in this. Lisa didn't own Jisung anything...she had all the right to bail on him, even if she cared. Lee Know felt as if time was running out on him, he thanked the brunette and hurried towards the rusty ladder, half jumping down the wall scapes. If anything, he would've probably injured himself but because the adrenaline pumping his heart, his movements gained the needed precision and he successfully made his way back into the narrow crack between the two buildings. Jumping down from a few steps of the ladder, he landed into a freshly forming puddle, the rain was beginning to gain strength, dripping down onto the town. He hurried towards the water stand where Jennie was struggling with the storm cover. As he tried to pass her and get to the door, Jennie grabbed his collar stopping him there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Where the FUCK is Lisa?"Spat the blonde, she seemed very pissed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Minho silently cursed at the delay, he had no time to deal with her right now. "Please Jennie, it's not the right time I have to go-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"You guys said that ya'll be back in a few minutes but it has been ages since I was standing here so where he FUCK is she?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"She stayed up at the, I don't really know, plato with a bunch of abandoned furniture?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"This bitch, she knows I'm afraid of heights!" Whined Jennie, She really had a bad attitude. "Why are you even in such a hurry?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I'm looking for Jisung" Firmly replied Minho_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jenni rolled her eyes, letting go of his collar "Why is everyone so obsessed with him? Anyways, you're not gonna find him there"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What? Where is he?" As they were talking, the sobs of the weather were increasing with a scary speed as soon the rain was loudly crashing down onto the ground._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Dunno, he stepped out of here looking for you like a half an hour ago, blood fucking streaming down his nose"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Minho's heart was beating out of rythm, _Jisung was looking for him _. He darted to Jennie holding her by her shoulders. "Please do you have an Idea where he might be?"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The girl frowned her eyebrow and scrunched her nose in thought "I...yeaah, go check where the bikes parking, he's always all over his bike"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Without thanking her, Lee Know ran out of the booth onto the alley. He ran down the streets, the rain pouring down onto him, the wind slapping his face, trying not to slip on the mud. The streets were getting emptier as people closed their doors and windows in order to stay dry, running through the narrow alleys with newspapers over their heads, some already shivering from the chilly air currents. He only realises the rain is cold because his skin carries the heat of his blood, because his inner fires burn strong. Dumping his white sneakers into the puddles and dragging them through the mud, he didn't care to notice their state. the tickling feeling in the corner of his eyes was growing each second with anticipation and desperation, fighting his way through the winds. His hair messy, disheveled, splattered onto his forehead and reaching his eyelashes, he ran.  
The place where they parked their bikes was really close, a minute of run time but by the time he reached the last turn it seemed that ages have already passed. Once he passed the corner he stood there panting, searching the younger with his eyes as his gaze fell onto a silhouette sitting on the ground besides the brick wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Thank god_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Jisung was leaning backwards, head tilted, eyes closed soaking wet from the rainfall, letting water race miles down his face mixing with the crimson spilling through his nose. Seeing him on the ground, not moving sent another pang of worry through Minho's mind. He hurried down towards him falling on his knees and shaking the boy awake. Han's eyelids were heavy, slowly lifting to reveal a pair of coffee bean brown eyes, tired and exhausted. Once he saw Minho, Han momentarily fidgeted on place pulling the older towards him in a tight embrace. Jisungs's skin was freezing cold, made Minho wonder for how long he was sitting there even though the rain started mearly 10 minutes ago. Snaking his fingers through Jisung's hair, Minho held the younger in his arms but felt that he was the weak one in the situation, guilt poisoning his mind. Besides the numbing feeling of frigid through their skin, their breaths remained warm, Han's echoing in the side of Lee Knows neck, staining his shirt with fresh blood._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Where the fuck were you" Was all Jisung could mutter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The boy was slightly trembling, as his grip became stronger, refusing to let go. Not that Minho wanted to himself. He was worried to death about he wellbeing of the other. The sun was covered in a thick laver of raging clouds, making the time seem later and the light darker pressing heavier down onto the streets. They remained this way for a long moment before the realisation of reality let itself know by the roughness of the ground beneath them. As Minho's eyes fluttered open and he began gaining consciousness of the situation, his ears caught a silent mumble from Jisung. The younger, maybe even without realising so was repeating the same sentence over and over again. 'I'm sorry'.  
Slowly, Minho pulled away holding Han by his shoulders. Jisung lifted his head to look at him before he frowned his eyebrows. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Hyung.., are you crying?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Lee Know didn't even notice when the fresh droplets of rain began mixing with his bitter tears. He blinked a few times lifting his hand up to his cheek, touching the wet skin. Yes, he definitely was crying. Jisung on the other hand was bleeding, his face rather intact except for the stream from his nose. Suddenly, the younger let his head drop as a chuckle escaped his lips, was he laughing?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"You were worried for me, weren't you? I'm such an idiot" silently said Han._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Jisung's eyes scanned Minho's awful state, not much better than himself, the smile fading, eyes turning to sorrow. Hissing with pain and gaining balance from the wall he stood up on his feet, looking down at the still phased Minho. He extended his hand, helping the older up. Their clothes were scrunched and dirty, rain still showering them down. The silence between them spoke louder than words, eyes saying more that could be expressed by a thousand word essay. Lee know was sill holding onto Jisung's hand, and something changed in the air something between them took a steep turn finally crossing hat line. Once that 'click' happened Jisung retracted his hand eyes darting away avoiding the other's gaze. he looked around, turning back to the bikes, well, actually just one bike at this point. Minho also noticed the missing vehicle, Jeongin popping up in his thoughts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Umm, where's Jeongin?" Asked the older._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"He returned back like an hour ago, he said Seungmin would kill him if he was late...after that I suddenly began searching for you but you were never to be found, I though something might've happened to you. If that was the case I don't know what I would do, I-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He stopped talking as Lee know touched his shoulder offering him a reassuring smile. "It's okay, it was my fault, I shouldn't have just took off like that, leaving you to the ring, heck, I shouldn't have followed you here in the first place."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Jisung's eyes dropped down to his feet in ignominy, mentally he kept on punching himself for acting in such an apathyc way. He knew he hurt Minho once, he knew he hurt him twice, he knew he shouldn't ave avoided him like a total coward. And now he was apologising? For something that wasn't his fault? he really didn't deserve him.  
Jisung walked back to his bike, carelessly unbuckling the heavy safety chain and freeing the auto. Minho stayed aback observing him, slightly trembling from the now well felt cold. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"C'mon, let's head home...we can discuss it all later" Said Jisung with a hoarse voice, maybe they'll end up catching a cold._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The ride back was long, passed in silence, rushing through the storming streets into the fading through the gale and rainfall sunset. Minho's arms wrapped around Han's waist, head resting on his back. If not for such conditions he would've surely fallen asleep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________♡_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Seungmin was walking down the hall of college cantine. He was already pissed at his brother for leaving with a simple text saying "Will be back before 6:30 :')"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He pushed through crowds of other students, heading one group in particular. Sana's words were well engraved in his mind. He's going to get some good evidence and it didn't matter if he'll have to break the law....although, he for sure couldn't do it alone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________For the past mont, he managed to become closer with his old friends, the past bleaching itself out but he won't let go. Next to one of the classrooms stood Chan and Changbin, casually talking about something. Seeing them, Seungmin hurried his pace towards them. Once the two seniors noticed him, they smiled his way and waved their hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Hey umm, I thought, maybe we could hang out some time. I also need to discuss something with you, I know you don't want to listen but please give me a chance"_ Said Seungmin. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The two looked at each other and nodded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Sure thing, I'm glad you're back Minnie" Smiled at him Chan._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhh these chapters were important to build character trust before I start diving into Kawn Jae's case ))) 
> 
> You might see the name Pablo popping up here and there, He's my annoying friend who wants to be in the story smh.
> 
> please please leave a comment ♡


	9. sparkles through the thunderstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluffy minsung because they deserve it <3
> 
> Seungmin decides to do smth
> 
> Hyunlix are so beautiful...
> 
> IMPORTANT: There is a trigger warning at the very end of this chapter, i will put a '×' sign before the trigger moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so proud of this chapter, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it """"
> 
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed this! I love reading your feedback and encourages me to post more often ))))

The crispy voice of the old radio positioned on the window shield, mixed in with perfect harmony of the bashing angry storm outside of the window.  
It was just the next morning and class was cancelled because of unexpected weather conditions. Everyone could just slack off and do whatever they pleased, staying in their dorms. This turn of events was very convenient for Lee Know and Jisung, both of them woke up with a cold and sore throats. 

Jisung was laying all tangled up in his blankets, half awake scrolling through his phone. The memories of yesterday still heavily suspended in his mind, refused to let him go. As a good reminder of them, was his freshly taped nose which didn't really hurt, but the feeling wasn't pleasant. More than anything though, Jisung felt guilty towards Minho. Truth is, his little trip to his parents, got to his head, he knew it would but not to that extend. This is why they are where they are now. They haven't had the talk, last night both of them were too exhausted, and all that happened was Lee Know treating Jisung's bruises, what a deja vu huh...

Right now, said boy walked through the doorframe with two hot tea cups in his hands. Despite the minor illness, he still was a morning bird. Lee Know was clothed in a very soft looking ashy sweater and grey shorts to his knees. Hair perfectly combed. He walked up to Jisung and sat next him on his bed, putting the tea cups onto the mini table nearby. He extended his hand to place it on the younger's shoulder, shaking him lightly. Han slowly turned around to look at him, eyes tired but something sparkling in them. Slowly he sat up in bed and put away his phone. He smiled back at Minho, as the other ruffled his messy locks. 

It was sweet and domestic, exactly what they both needed. No words exchanged, just gestures. Han didn't mind it anymore. He didn't mind Minho climbing onto the mattress besides him, he didn't mid him leaning his head onto his shoulder, he din't mind interlocking their fingers and didn't mind putting one hand around him, playing with the threads of his big sweater. 

The morning painted cold by the aggressive winds and showering rains smashed against their window was brushed away as all they felt was the warmth from each others bodies. Sometimes looking through the window, into the dark clouds wondering what's it like outside. 

"Sungie?" Mumbled Minho agains his shoulder. 

"Mmm" Replied Jisung, he got already used to the sweet little nickname. 

"Where were you? This week, where were you?" 

"I visited my family... but it's all good now. I won't be seeing them again" 

Minho hummed in response, not wishing to question his answer. What mattered was that Jisung was here right now. The older slightly shifted pressing his nose against Han's collar bone, inhaling his scent. Jisung smelled of lemon tea with sugar cookies, maybe a hint of caramel there, a very sweet flavour. He could get used this. He could definitely get used to this. The reason both of them were avoiding a conversation was that it all happened really quickly. Everything between them went down in a rush, days stumbling over each other with new feelings stirring up. And now what? Lying in the same bed on a stormy mid-morning, in each other's hold. That was way too rushed. They finally found shelter from the frightening monsters awaiting them on the other sides of these walls. 

"Wanna binge something?" Came Miho's voice, still sleepy and raspy.

"Yeah, sure, why not" Answered Jisung, his voice not so different from the older's.

Han yawned and bent down from the side, searching for something before taking out a Laptop, and sitting it on his lap. They had a little argument about what to watch before settling on a random romance series. They didn't even read the description, simply selected the 5th best best rated one, and began watching. Minho felt his body drifting away into the proximity of Jisung's touch, after a few episodes he already stopped paying attention to the movie, sometimes looking at Han's side profile and flying away on wings of his thought. He even caught himself slightly falling asleep but was awoken by Jisung clearing his throat. 

Minho looked up at him and noticed how suddenly he was very tensed, gaze avoiding the screen. Lee Know looked back at the laptop and oh...The main characters were kissing. The two main _male _characters were kissing. He felt his cheeks heat up, as he awkwardly bit on his bottom lip not really knowing what to do. Of course they had accidentally chosen a BL series and as if the tension wasn't enough, he was practically lying on top of the younger. As the scene carried on and was leading to something more heated, Han closed the laptop and excused himself out of the bed because 'It's time I should go shower' before disappearing into the bathroom. It's true though, he still was in his PJ's, not leaving the blanked ever since he woke up. Minho found it endearing, even though he was in the same awkward position.__

__Once Han locked the door behind him, he sighed heavily running his hand through his hair. He didn't really want to get out of bed but his mind was becoming really stuffy. He was stupid, stupid to think that his little interest in Lee Know would fade away after a trip to his family which he didn't see for 4 motherfucking years. It wasn't something to deny anymore but something to accept, with which the younger struggled nonetheless. Still a bit sleepy, he walked up to the sink and splashed some cold water onto his face in order to wake up._ _

__Being still a little ill and with a few bruises over his body, Jisung felt very weak that morning. As funny as it sounds, he was to lazy to brush his teeth in a standing position so gritting his tooth-brush between his teeth, Jisung sat down against the wall near the bath tub, lazily repeating the mundane movement with his hand and feeling the mint flavour spread in his mouth. Jisung's eyes wandered onto the glossy floor, inspecting the corners and the fluffy after shower carpet set before the bath tub. Suddenly his eyes caught something glimmering underneath it, a tube of some sort, maybe something either of them has dropped. He bent down, reaching for the object and stretching his fingers to push it lightly, so it rolls out from underneath the tub._ _

__The mystery object ended up being nothing he had expected._ _

__What Han now held in his hand was a shiny pink bar of lipgloss, of a very soft rosy colour which sparkled as the bathroom light reflected off of the tube. Did Lee Know bring a girl here while he was away...? Maybe, maybe he had a girlfriend? Shit. He didn't even think of that. What if Lee Know is just a fucking good person who took care of his mess of a roommate and was happily dating a girl on campus. This though bothered Jisung way more than it reasonably should. He quickly stood up, finishing his morning chores and pulling over an oversized t-shirt with a lot of stylishly ripped holes positioned all the way through it and a pair sweatpants. He looked at himself in the mirror once again before heading out and sliding the lipgloss in one of his pockets._ _

__Walking out of the door his eyes fell onto Lee Know who was sitting legs crossed, on his bed, sipping his tea which was probably cold by this time. He looked...cute. Stupid, stupid, stupid Han._ _

__The older looked up at him expectedly, fixating his dark eyes onto Jisung in a questioning manner. Oh...Jisung didn't realise how he froze and was staring at the older. He cleared his throat, moving forwards to plop himself next to the boy. Minho smirked a little shaking his head and put his tea cup down on the floor which yes, is risky, but he wasn't bothered enough to move and reach towards the table._ _

__"Hey hyung, can I ask you something?" Spoke up Han, a little uncertain if he even should poke his nose into Minho's business._ _

__"Yeah sure thing" Lightly replied the other._ _

__Hesitently, he reached into his pocket, taking out the lipgloss. "I found this under the bathtub and maybe you have a girl-"_ _

__"No!" Gasped Lee Know maybe a little too loudly as he snatched the makeup tool out of Jisung's hand. "I mean, No I don't have a girlfriend its..." he paused looking up at the younger "Its actually mine" He replied timidly, hiding the lipgloss in his hands._ _

__Oh._ _

__Well that's something new. Not that he minded though, it's just that he never thought of Lee Know as someone to use makeup. It already took Jisung a month to find out that the older even had a softer side...but him using lipgloss? He kind of wanted to see. The idea crossed his mind spontaneously and before he knew what he was doing his mouth already blurted the three words out._ _

__"May I see?" Well shit._ _

__"Huh?" Slipped the little noise from Lee Know's mouth._ _

__Jisung took Minho's hands in his, taking the lipgloss from them and holding it up. "May I see how you look with this on?" He asked, this time with more confidence._ _

__Minho blinked a few times, not knowing how to react. Did Jisung really want to see him wear it or was it just to make fun of him? He hesitated a few seconds before nodding.  
Jisung opened the tube and held up the brush before he understood his mistake, He was supposed to hand it over to Minho so he could peacefully put the gloss on, but now it looked like Han waned to do it himself. His eyes darted to Minho's lips which were parted, as the boy sat still, also not knowing what to do. Then, Minho leaned in forwards, tilting his head up while his hands were supporting him on the bed and what seemed like half closing his eyes. Jisung's heart began beating faster as his brain malfunctioned. He was going to put sparkling pink gloss onto Lee Know's lips. He held his breath while attempted not to shake, as his hand came closer to the older's mouth. once the cool brush made contact with the plump skin, Minho's breath silently hitched as he too stoped breathing. This felt new, this felt close, this felt intimate. The was the brushed softly coated Minho's lips in a layer of liquid colour, offering them a pale shine mesmerised Han and for a moment he forgot that this was even supposed to be sort of fiddly. He simply couldn't take his eyes off of the other's lips, watching with great attention at his movements. _ _

__Shortly after, Lee Know pulled away, pursing his lips a few more times to distribute the colour and looked up with his shiny black eyes back at Jisung. "How do I look?" He asked softly._ _

__Jisung also woke up from his daze and swallowed dry before closing the tube. He looked back at the older and at how much the lipgloss suited him. "Beautiful.." Was all he could say, but really without thinking. The whole interaction seemed like a fever dream. Although he really hoped it wasn't. Jisung really hoped that the timid and soft Lee Know with sparkling lipgloss, looking at him with his starry nigh eyes, under the sound of the bashing storm outside and the rambling of the radio was real. Real, and not a project of his feverish brain._ _

__♢_ _

__Chan was Running through the street with his hood held over his held by both of his hands, battling the brutal wind and rain. The walk was just a few minutes towards one of the cafe's which was open for no reason at all. Why he even agreed to meet Seungmin and Changbin in such conditions was a mystery, they were even spared from class and that's something that usually never happens._ _

__Finally, he managed to get through the staggering weather towards the glass door and sneak inside, absolutely dripping with water. It wasn't no fancy place, just your usual cafe with fake plants, french music and yellow lighting shining upon little cakes at the counter. There weren't many people which wasn't surprising, just a worker wiping a coffee cup and the two of his friends seated in the corner. They patiently waited as Chan undressed at the entrance, getting rid of his soaked coat and tidying his hair which looked as if it was freshly washed. Changbin had already ordered some food, mostly sweet stuff, as Seungmin was calmly sipping his coffee._ _

__"Good to see you guys, it's been a while since we hung out Seung," Greeted them Chan._ _

__"Yeah, I'm happy we got this opportunity but why was it so urgent anyways?" Added Changbin._ _

__Seungmin shrugged, not really making eye contact with his seniors "I just wanted to pass time with you...and also maybe get you to hear me out, "_ _

__Bang Chat sat in front of him, dressed in his big black hoodie, now studying the menu. "Alright then, I'm glad it's a good environment though, well not outside but.." He shook his head in a comical matter while eying the storm through the door, forcing out a few chuckles from his friends._ _

__They talked for a while, mostly empty questions, simple jokes, nothing serious. Sometimes startled by the uproar of the skies, sipping their drinks. After some time, Seungmin got visibly impatient looking down to his bag or whatever was inside and asking Chan to repeat what he said as he was slightly zoning out. Soon enough, Changbin caught onto something being off, eyeing Seungmin from the side._ _

__"Okay this isn't working, Seungmin- what's bothering you?" Spoke up Changbin as the conversation was going nowhere._ _

__The younger boy sighed covering his face with his hands. "Shit...I'm sorry my head is somewhere else. Just- Just promise you'll hear me out k?" His voice was rather distressed with a hint of seriousness. Chan and Changbin exchanged glances before agreeing that they'l give him an actual listen. Seungmin shot them a forced smile before ruffling his bag and and taking out his notebook, that very notebook, and sliding it towards the two._ _

__"Seung-"_ _

__"No- You promised to hear me out...I can't do this alone anymore. Please." His tone was desperate enough, so Chan nodded picking up the object._ _

__"Flip through it. It has all I have to say."_ _

__Hesitantly Chan opened it and followed the writings. The pages were filled, packed with notes, letters squished together on some pages, and wide written on others. Pictures sticking out from the sides, some glued in, some simply settled as a bookmark. Scrunched and chewed up police records, data sheets all folded neatly or stuffed randomly throughout the book. Some pages were barely sticking in, taped back to it in order to not fall out. Stains, coffee stains, ink stains, other stains, splattered across the sentences. And as graphically terrifying were some photocopied images, the terror lied between the lines, imprisoned inside the scribbles. As the two read on, the information became more precise and borderline illegal._ _

__Suspect 1, (Circled in red) Han Jisung  
Suspect 2, (circled in red) Hwang Hyunjin  
\--------------------  
Suspect 4 (crossed out)  
Suspect 5 (crossed out). _ _

__Changbin frowned as he flipped another page, passing his finger between Hyunjin's page and a page of a random person which Seungmin noted innocent. It seemed like the page was detached from excessive flipping and must've fallen out._ _

__"Hey Minnie...there's a page missing, after Suspect 2...did you rip it out on purpose or?"_ _

__Seungmin took the notebook from Changbin's hands, furrowing his eyebrows as he saw the missing page. "I knew something fucking fell out" uttered the younger._ _

__"Who was it? Who's the third suspect?" Silently asked Chan._ _

__"Felix, Yongbok Lee" Replied Seungmin, almost as a whisper._ _

__Hearing his reply Changbin suddenly felt alerted, darting his gaze towards the younger. "What did you just say?"_ _

__Seungmin pursed his lips lifting his eyes in serious manner "Yongbok....It's his real name."_ _

__"You mean Yongbok Lee, as in The Yongbok Lee?" Asked Changbin but now lowering his voice even more._ _

__Seungmin nodded, cracking his knuckles out of doubt. He trusted them but this info was highly important. Suddenly Chan rose up from his seat._ _

__"I'm sorry Seungmin but...I can't go that far. I trust all of them and what I said last summer I will say right now. They are our friends and I will not turn my back on them, I don't care who Felix is, all i know is that he is not a murderer." With that said Chan looked back at Changbin but the other stayed seated averting Chan's eyes. Not receiving a response he nodded and slid some money out of his pocket, leaving it as his part of payment before heading out into the midday storm, sky still dark and tragic._ _

__Changbin and Seungmin were left alone in silence. "So?" Hesitantly asked Sengmin._ _

__"I know this is crazy but...I think you might be onto something Seung-" Said Changbin, intensely looking at the pages._ _

__♢_ _

__The violent blows of wind pounded and scratched onto the thin windows, barely separating the warm inside from the stalking beasts of weather. Felix was cooking at the kitchen table while Hyunjin was sat on the sofa wrapped in a soft blanked and watching tv in the living room. Lix was wearing a little blue apron in order not to get any sauce on his clothes, swerving around the pan where kimchi and tomatoes were frying. He had already prepared two bowls of steamy rice and chopsticks to have a nice domestic lunch with the older. Soon enough, he was pacing around in search of salt and pepper, dancing to the radio static music before appearing in the main room with the food balancing on a plater._ _

__He smiled at the sight of Hyunjin sunken into the cushions and what it seemed like, The blonde was slowly drifting away to sleep. His golden hair was all tangled and let down, only wearing a long stripy sweater and legs covered by a blanket. Silently approaching the older, Felix set the tray with food onto the short legged table before sitting down next to him. He passed his hand by his cheek quietly whispering him awake. Hyunjin's eyelashes twitched before fluttering open, and at the sight of Felix crinckling his eyes in a sleepy delight. He lazily sat up complaining at how he just managed to begin dreaming but there was no real meaning to his words. Whatever movie was playing in the background neither of them seemed to pay attention, rolling their sleeves and moving towards the freshly prepared meal._ _

__"You truly are a gift from the gods Lix, I don't know what I would do without you" Said Hyunjin after taking another spicy bite, finishing his plate._ _

__Felix smiled at that, but it shone none of the usual warm sunlight but closer to a lonely moonlight glow. Hyunjin noticing a minor change in his behaviour, pulled the freckled boy closer to himself and looked into his coffee bean eyes. "Something's bothering you?"_ _

__Felix sighed and turned his head towards the window while playing with Hyunjins fingers. Compared to Felix's, Hyunjin's hands really appeared bigger, fingers longer and slimmer._ _

__"It hasn't rained that bad in a while, do you think it might really be a hurricane?" Softly asked the younger._ _

__The older also turned his head towards the crying glass. "I don't know...at least they said it was a hurricane." With these words thunder echoed through the room sending shivers down Felix's arms._ _

__"I think it was the same that night, wasn't it...." Silently stated Felix._ _

__Hyunjin's hands tightened around his little ones. "Why do you remember it? It was such along time ago Lix,"_ _

__"I know... the storm feels familiar. Just like the one that happened that day"_ _

__"Lixie...I thought you told me thunderstorms weren't a trigger?"_ _

__Felix shook his head with a sad smile, leaning further into Hyunjin's embrace. He took his hand and pressed their palms together, aligning their fingers. For a moment he simply observed their size difference, not replying. "It's not, I'm actually grateful for that day, its the day when you promised to never let me go"_ _

__"That was the day after"_ _

__"Doesn't matter...by the way, your hair was short back then"_ _

__"And you were even smaller"_ _

__"I used to hide my freckles with concealer" Felix broke into giggles "I was so young and silly"_ _

__Hyunjin slightly pushed the younger away from himself in order to face him. He put one of his hands on Felix's cheeks watching how the boy leaned into the touch. Felix's silver hair was just as ruffled as his, even though they were home, he still had a little bit of makeup on, sparkling under his eyes and freckles. Felix was Very pretty....and his freckles were the most beautiful. They looked like constellations of stars, like cinnamon sprinkled onto his cheeks, kisses of the sun. Most of all, Hyunjin loved when Felix put glitter onto his freckles. He loved to see the sparkle even more under the light and the thought that Felix used cover them up with concealer made him mad._ _

__He passed his thumb over Felix's soft skin and brought his face closer, leaning in for a slow kiss. Felix faintly whimpered into his mouth eagerly responding and letting their lips move in sync. The kiss wasn't long but meaningful, with Hyunjin being the first to pull away, leaving Felix longing for more, eyes still closed and lips parted. Once he realised the contact wasn't coming back, Lix pouted, looking up at the blonde who had a fond smile on his face._ _

__The howling of the wind was fading into the background, leaving only the two of them, in their own little world. But that wasn't long as the thunder striked once again, louder this time, with Felix startled at the sudden sound shutting his eyes and tightening his grip on Hyunjin so that his nails could leave tiny marks. The blonde sighed, bringing Felix into his embrace and wrapping his hands around his smaller shoulders. Felix is precious, the most precious thing Hyunjin has._ _

__"I think you might be scared of thunder" Whispered Hyunjin into Felix's ear."_ _

__To that Felix left out a breathy chuckle, face still buried in the crook of his neck. "Maybe" Was the short reply._ _

__Swiftly an idea appeared in Hyunjin's mind "You need a distraction, don't you?"_ _

__With that, Hyunjin let go of him to the younger's displeasure, quickly tucking the blanket around him._ _

__"Wait a sec I'll be back in no time" Said the older as he hurried towards the staircase and up to their room._ _

__Their apartment was rather spacious, with two floors a big kitchen, a main hall and a room they both shared. It was quite expensive but money wasn't a bother. He searched their room, eyes looking for a certain object before finding it charging and leaping down the stair steps towards Felix. The freckled boy was still sitting all fuzzy in the blanket, the sight made Hyunjin smile once again. The object in his hand straight away caught the younger's attention, his eyes momentarily sparkling. Hyunjin seemed pleased with Felix's reaction and put the loudspeaker down on the carpet before connecting it to his phone. He pulled Felix up by his hand, sparing him from the cushion's embrace into his own._ _

__The music he chose was slow and glided through the air, enveloping both of them in a fairy like flutter. It was classic and simple, but Felix didn't mind, let alone he didn't care. All that mattered was a warm hand pressed to his back and their feet feet moving forwards and backwards, swaying to the beat. Alike to snowflakes twirling in the wind, delicate movements offered only to each other. Hyunjin's lips were parted as he stared down in mesmeration at how lyrical Felix looked. His eyes were charming him in like a galaxy of their own, his face possessing every star of the night sky, his silver hair as pearl as the moonlight falling over to his charcoal eyelashes. To think that such a perfect human- no, Felix was otherworldly. To think that such an otherworldly boy would exist and be in his hands, was all Hyunjin needed to desire nothing more than do anything in order to never see bitter tears sliding like gems down his cheeks. The younger leaned towards Hyunjin, pressing the side of his head onto the blonde's chest._ _

__The storm far forgotten, the past's embroidered scars replaced with swirls of paint drawn by memories of the present._ _

__♢ ×_ _

__It was loud. Loud enough to burst into tears simply from the proximity of the sound exploding through the boy's head. He sat crumpled up shaking, his hands covering his ears, eyes tightly shut and tears running down his reddened cheeks. His brain had shut down, completely numb to acknowledge the pain in his lower abdomen and lower, blood streaming out from his feet, pursed with tiny pieces of glass. he was clammy and there was the glisten of a cold sweat dripping down his body which he barely covered with the ripped blouse he still had on. His nose was clogged with the disgusting aroma of wine, still refusing to spare him a non intoxicating breath._ _

__As a matter of fact it was silent outside of the kid's mind, only a faint echo of the godforsaken song still playing on repeat. But what the boy was hearing were the violent squirms of violin cutting through his earlobe and the magnificent voice of the singer turning into a constant chant._ _

__The place was narrow, a previously inhabited by spiderwebs corner right behind the big shelf of ceramic dolls and fancy wine glasses which remains were now scattered across the floor. Satisfaction of security was nothing but a distant memory, and an invisible force crushed him from every possible direction. Each second submerged in fear made a permanent mark on his brain, and a vivid imagination made him wander whether it was just his mind playing dirty tricks or through the ear splitting music he could hear footsteps._ _

__It was impossible that he was still alive. There was absolutely no way, and even so, he wouldn't be able to move, let alone walk at a steady pace. As the footsteps neared, the boy felt his heart tearing apart, he applied all his strength to force himself further into the wall behind him, bashing the heels of his feet into the wooden floor in an attempt to push himself further away. He didn't know if he created any sounds, all he knew is that he had to escape._ _

__In the dim slit of light appeared a silhouette of a man, bending and reaching down towards him._ _

__The scream was primal. It had a raw intensity to it that told of urgency, of desperation and terror controlling the twitching in agony body of the boy._ _

__Shortly after, everything went dark._ _

__\- ×_ _

__The next time the boy regained sense war from a breeze of fresh air and the feeling of being held in someone's arms. Slightly opening his eyes, everything was blurry, barely making out the shots of the camera and red and blue flashlights on tops of cars. Different voices echoing through his mind, painfully tackling through the corridors of his consciousness along side with the screech of the police siren and mumbles of other people._ _

__"Is it him? Is it the son? Yongbok? Is he still alive?" Asked the voice of what sounded like a woman._ _

__"Yes, he passed out once he saw me, the poor boy, one can only imagine what he went through" Replied a voice of the man who was apparently holding him in his arms._ _

__"Dear god, when will the doctors be here?"_ _

__"any time now, any time"_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ur comments motivate me to update faster and i love reading them so... <3
> 
> Please leave a comment ♛༒))))


	10. tell tales of old newspapers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaaaay guys we hit the 10nth chapter Milestone!!!!  
> I'm really happy this fic got some sort of attention and i'm very grateful for whatever you give me, be it some kudos, a bookmark or leaving a comment which I appreciate and love reading so much)))
> 
> Though i would give you a little info about this fic and my inspiration :0
> 
> The main song that inspired the story is "Devil town" by "Cavetown"
> 
> You can chat with me on Twitter @Tae_sungie3 
> 
> I just started the acc a few days ago ( T_T)＼(^-^ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time skip of a few weeks bc lets say the thunderstorm carried on for some time and I need outside content smh <3

This time it was Hyunjin who woke up second, from a weight on his chest. As he opened his eyes still blurry from sleep he was met with glistening chocolate ones and cinnamon freckles , highlighted by a sweet, sweet smile. Felix.  
To Hyunjin Felix's smile shone brighter than the morning sun..it was the best way he could wake up. 

"Gmornin Sunshine" slurred Hyunjin with a hoarse and sleepy voice. 

The smaller boy let out a little giggle and sat up on his bed. "I'm sorry I woke you up this early, I just happened to not feel to sleepy, we have another half an hour before your alarm goes off"

"Mmmmm that's fine. I like it when you wake me up" Yawned Hyunjin as he heavily sat up on the mattress. He lazily reached out to his phone to check the time and notifications. Suddenly his peaceful expression changed as he frowned at the screen. Felix was quick to notice the slight change in his boyfriend's aura. He traced his hands on the others back and planted a soft kiss on his shoulder. "What's wrong Jinnie?"

The blonde didn't reply, only passed his fingers through Lix's hair silently whispering that it's fine. Even it wasn't fine. 

It's not so often that Hyunjin would receive these messages. Close to never, but apparently it's one of these days...fuck why now? Felix still wasn't fully recovered.... Thoughts rushed through Hyunjin's mind flipping through options. He knew he had to go, there wasn't an alternative way, he must go...and leave Felix alone, it's just for a day but still, Hyunjin hated leaving the freckled boy all by himself. 

"Lixie...today, you'll have to stay at home okay? I need to visit them, you know." 

The older felt Felix's cheek leaning into his shoulder and how his arms wrapped around his waist. "I wish you could stay...could I maybe go with you this time?"

Hyunjin shook his head with a sad smile and turned his phone off. "You know it's not such a great idea right?"

"But I'm all good Jinnie, and..."

"No. I can't risk it, just stay here and text me if anything bothers you"  
Felix nodded, grazing his nails on the soft sheets but there was nothing he could do.

It didn't take him long to dress up, he wore his fanciest deep blue blouse, a long black tie with black velvet swirls and a matching black suit with dolphin grey beads. He took time combing his hair, took time spraying a little perfume and adjusting sweets before coming out of the dressing room. He looked tall. He looked royal and authentic. The heavy look in his eyes eased as his gaze fell upon Felix, still clothed in his baby blue sweatpants and a soft white T-shirt. He bent down towards the younger and pulled him into drawn out kiss. Hearing the slightest moan Lix let out as he bit his bottom lip, Hyunjin wanted to pick the smaller up in his arms and kiss him breathless but the time was cutting short so he let go. 

"You know how these things go, I will be back before sunrise" Softly added the older, and the next minute he was out of the door, with Felix throwing himself back onto the bed, inhaling the scent he left behind him. 

♧

When Minho and Jisung entered the club room, Changbin and Jeongin were already there, the younger tuning his guitar with a concentrated look on his face. His fingers sliding along the strings, inspecting their ring as he carefully tugged on them.  
Jeongin tended to be a very joyful person but his personality changed like weather, as one minute you would see him smiling like a kid and the next he took off on a bike in a gang of 7 or so guys in leather jackets. Usually Jisung would be with them but after the storm ended, he and Minho would pass time together, slowly growing closer. Lee Know was used to seeing Jeongin on a daily basis whenever he would hang around Han, but now that Jisung was slowly distancing himself from the delinquents his interactions with the younger severed to the club time they had before class. Jeongin Himself didn't mind Minho, he only saddened a little when he and Han began drifting away but he liked the elder and respected him. 

Right now though, times were rougher with Jeongin, tracing lines on his face. Him and Seungmin weren't your perfect siblings but they cared for each other even though Jeongin didn't openly show it. He knew Seungmin was worried about him, he knew perfectly well about the reason but thrusted deep into his mind that he won't help him. All he could do is hope that Seungmin would end up strong enough to get out of the shell in which he hid. Music however was the pleasing distraction he needed. It was even an inside joke the club member shared, saying that Jeongin was dating his guitar, which he probably would if that was a thing. 

He greeted Minho with his usual smile, showing off his braces and concentrated back on his Guitar. 

Today, When Chan took the register Hyunlix weren't there. This doesn't happen often, none of the boys enjoy skipping club time but if they do they would have a better excuse than "Sorry, we got a cold ;)". There was nothing to be done so they did the rehearsal without them. It was a Thursday, and ever since last week, Seungmin adopted the habit of running off after club time and even changed his college time table classes to have an excuse for a few hours in the morning. He told Jeongin he got a job but never specified where or who he worked as which brought the younger to get suspicious but as he saw his elder brighten up, he didn't find it in himself to doubt him there. Jeongin kept an eye on his brother. Even though he noticed perfectly how sketchy Seungmin could get, he was reasonably happy that once the hurricane ended he began hanging out more with Changbin and smiled rather often. This also left him with more free time as the older finally got off his back and stopped poking his nose into his personal business. After all, Jeongin was now of legal age and could decide on his own. 

Today was no exception. As on Thursdays, the first period is that of carrying on club time for an extra hour, as the time hit 8, Seungmin signed goodbye and made his way out the door. What was different though, was that Changbin followed him saying that he's terribly sorry but promised to help Seungmin with something and quickly escaped the room, leaving an unhappy chan with just the three of them, Jeongin, Lee Know and Jisung. 

Bang Chan stood in the middle of the room, lips pursed, flipping through the rehearsal sheet. They were planning to do an instrumental mixed vocals try, now that two months in they finally had a few songs to perform and learn but with the lack of instrumentals he was debating on what to do next. Jisung and Minho were all on the vocals part with him and Jisung also knowing how to play the guitar and Jeongin with an electric. It was an inconvenient mix so he frowned his brows and flipped through another file of papers before finally announcing something. 

"Due to today's major absence of people we could do just a guitar rehearsal so...Minho, you can go if you want?" 

Minho Shot up his head from leaning on Han's shoulder and peeking into the younger's phone. "huh? oh, yeah sure, okay" Stumbled over his words Minho.  
He took into consideration of staying and hearing the boys perform but the temptation of freedom for the next hour won over his corrupted mind and he was already packing his bags and saying his goodbyes. 

It was good day. Fresh and sunny morning with few clouds floating over the city and the wind lazily toying with his brow hair. Fortunately enough, once the hurricane ended, the city felt almost scrubbed clean and shiny, ready to be dirtied and polluted all over again. What was there to say, it was Seoul. Sure, it was the very edges of Seoul but the city remained big and respectable, with many people and cars leaving footprints of gas on the environment. Minho settled on taking a walk in a not so far away park, a peaceful pretty place where trees still wore golden autumn leaves and carpets of them layered above the ground giving off a pleasant aroma of the natural cycle. The walk there wasn't long as the boy soon found himself admiring the curvy branches and music flowing through his earphones. The park was more like a long forest like alley with some shops and buildings through one side to be seen, so that people can buy street food or stop at a restaurant admiring the view. Minho decided that it was a nice idea to walk through the tiny kiosks and by the other shops there present. 

He also stopped before a police station.

The reason to that was a familiar face running out of a near by coffee stand into the police building, holding two trays of mugs and a pass card hanging off his neck...Seungmin? 

Yes it was definitely him rushing past a few security workers and disappearing inside one of the doors. Naturally so, out of curiosity, Minho attempted to follow him but was stopped by a taller man standing next to the entrance.  
"And where do you think you're going sir? The report center is the next door, this one is workers only"  
Said the man who was apparently one of the guards. 

Lee know stuttered a little not really know what to say. 'I'm sorry I saw my friend and wanted to talk to him?' no this was very stupid. After a few seconds of nonsensical mumbles, Minho apologised and quickly carried on his way. Take that as an awkward encounter. Even though he knew perfectly well that it wasn't just a sweet little coincidence that the lather worked at the police station, he took it fair and well to remember one simple rule: Not. To. Get. Involved. 

On his way back to class, Lee Know passed a little flower shop. A cute stall wit roses and petunias, tiny cards decorated with forget-me-nots. He stopped before the safety glass admiring their natural beauty as he heard a car pull over behind him. It was an expensive one, black and shiny with tained windows. A man walked out from the front seat, opening the door for whoever sat in the back. It didn't surprise him, rich people things, personal guards, buying gifts. It's not such a rare thing to see someone pull over one of these stands to buy a bouquet full of red roses for their loved one. But contrary to what he expected to see, exiting the car and accompanied by the guard was a familiar blonde, none other than Hwang Hyunjn. 

Minho knew Hyunjin was rich, he knew his father owned a company of some sort but Lee Know never peeked interest in such things. But...personal guards and drivers? With the corner of his eyes he saw a bulge under the guards coat, no way though, it couldn't be...a gun? The man guided Hyunjin in the shop as he picked up a single white rose and silently paid before returning to the vehicle, luckily they didn't notice Minho's presence. 

So much for being sick huh...

A bright memory flashed before his eyes. It was that morning when he met Seungmin at the campus cafe. 

-"Holly shit Minho, Do you even know who Hwang Hyunjin is?"- 

No..He didn't.

>

"Shit, Shit, shit , shit, shit, shit!" Cursed Seungmin as he hurried up the police station stairs and into one of the offices. 

"I'm so fucking sorry the line was really long and then I spaced out for a second here is your coffee" Spat out the younger in one breath while distributing cups of the chocolate coloured drink to the stressed out employees. 

Once that minor task was done, he dumped the carton platter into the bin and as discretely as possible sneaked into another office. Once in, Seungmin turned around with a deep sigh only to find Changbin and Sana already facing him. The woman had her wavy brown har tied up in a loose pony tail, dressed in a simple office wear and was leaning over the small table before which sat Changbin looking into some files. 

"Took you long enough" Commented Sana piercing the boy with her stern gaze. 

Changbin didn't bother to greet him, he seemed fully concentrated at the papers in his hands. Seungmin only shook his head and walked up to the two, taking a seat besides his friend. 

"To be honest I don't really know why we even are here" Finally spoke up Changbin, looking up at Sana. 

Sana only shrugged and pointed back at Seungmin who shifted in his seat, nervously biting his lip. 

"So, as you guys know, the evidence that I dug up is really limited and the files that we do need are held in the police storage, what I mean is that the registered suspects should be all filed and classified in the official case study"

Both Sana and Changbin nodded, the older still wearing a confused look on his face. Seungmin took a moment to consider his next words;  
"If only we could-" 

"No" The boy was interrupted by Sana's sharp tone "Are you even thinking straight Seung? braking into the files department?" 

"You didn't let me finish, just hear me out." Responded Seungmin. He sighed passing a hand through his hair and moved his chair closer to the table. 

"I know that you have the key for the files, and I just happened to be assigned to clean that department today evening, if you could only give me they key, just imagine how much proof it would be. And we could finally know the reason for the sudden end of investigation. "

The woman opened her mouth to say something but bit her lip and crossed her arms on her chest. "And the cameras, do you think that would just go unnoticed?"

"That's where Changbin steps in" Seungmin pointed with the tip of his pen that he held between his fingers at his friend across the table "Last week he applied to be a part if the it department as a part time, and they took him in, we just happened to be lucky enough that his shift falls exactly over mine today, all it takes is a glitch in the cameras and boom. We good"

Sana lifted her eyebrow at the dark haired boy who slid further down in his seat. "And you think you could?"

Changbin squinted his eyes and let out a drawn out 'yeaaa' before pointing at the little card on his blouse indicating that he did indeed become a part of the computer team. The brunette pursed her lips and lifted her hand to play with the pearl earring that she had had on. "This is a risky game you're playing. If we get caught, the one behind the bars won't be the culprit but you Seungmin." 

The younger boy looked her straight in his eyes, the desperation written clearly over his face. There was no doubt that he could go to this extend and further only to strip naked the ugly truth. Whatever these files kept must have the answers they need. "please Sana...I beg you. I will bring the files back next week at the same time, just give us this chance" His voice possessed a weak tremble, transparently showing the vulnerability and last grip of hope which finally shone anew. She could't take that away from him. She didn't have it in her to see his zombie like look once again. And was it a wise decision or her downfall mistake, Sana let her feelings decide for her. 

"Okay" This simple word but changed so many things. 

As the spark of fire was lit in Seungmin's eyes he shot up from his seat and tightly hugged the woman repeating 'thank you' again and again. She wobbled at the sudden contact but a smile found its way on her lips and she gently patted the other's back. Changbin only got the opportunity to observe their interaction before Seungmin's phone began going off in his pocket and he quickly ran out of the tiny office as he was still during work hours. 

Once Seungmin was out of the door, Sana cleared her throat and straightened her neck tie, she then turned around and was about to walk out of the door as she heard Changbin's voice.

"What's up between you two? What's the relationship?" 

She stopped and turned around to face the boy before she realised what he meant. "Oh, no it's not what you think" Replied Sana. 

Changbin raised an eyebrow. "It isn't ? I don't often see him hugging people." 

Sana sighed and sat down on the chair previously occupied by Seungmin. "Just don't go around telling this." 

"Seungmin and Jeongin...they're orphans. Their parents died in a car crash leaving these two out alone. It was my first days working here when an eight year old boy and his little brother were brought here as lost kids. By the official rules they had to stay at the police station at night but I took them in before after week they were assigned at a foster home here in Seoul. What was insane luck for the two was being adopted together only after a month after...but they came around to visit me sometime. So when that murder happened I recognised the name of the boy who came here every day after university hours to ask about case studies...thus being one of the reasons for me helping him, and of course the whole sketchy scenario surrounding the murder." 

Changbin hummed in responce, he never really talked to either of the boys about their past but now that he knew it all made a little more sense, of how attached Seungmin was to Kwan Jae ad how loosing another dear to him person twisted his mind in such a brutal way. He then brought his gaze back to Sana, she didn't look a day over 20... "Umm how-"

"I'm 31" Replied the woman not even letting Changbin finish his question. 

"wow.." was all hw could mutter under his breath...she really looked insanely young for her age. 

"Anyways, don't make me regret this" Said Sana as she fished out a key out of her skirt pocket and tossed it for Changbin to catch before going out of the door. 

Changbin whistled to himself before hiding the key in his back pack, making a mental note to hand it over to Seungmin "Fuck, I hope I don't regret this either..." slurred the boy under his breath

♧

It was already darker outside, the town slowly calming itself down as the sunset descended its colours on the city, covering taller buildings with a soft, raspberry coloured clouds blanket. The office side of the police station was already getting emptier with late night workers finishing their reports and security systems swapping their shifts with those who are just yet to begin staying up for the night. 

Seungmin was dressed in his not so usual cleaner's clothes grey jumpsuit. He didn't like the late night shifts, but today it was not so much about the dirty floors and dusty shelves as about the locked up files stacked in towers through the paper storage room. The metal of Sana's key clearly felt in his pocket, he advanced through the corridors, tugging behind him his bucket and mop nervously glancing down at is watch. 

It was 9 o'clock in the evening and the boy had 29 minutes to find the right drawer before Changbin would do a minor short circuit through the cameras and light, he would have precicelly 5 minutes to snuggle the files into his cleaners bag and act as if nothing happened. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. This time what he was doing would be committing a frankly very much punishable by the law crime and putting Sana into the pit of it too. If he fails, she'll get fired, Changbin and him will go to jail and Kwan Jae's case will never be solved. Right- he was doing this for Kwan Jae, he had to do this for Kwan Jae.

The wheels of the cart squeaking on the floor, he pushed his cleaning supplies through the halls, slowly advancing towards that very door. Cool, now he just has to wash the floor as if he isn't absolutely stressed out. 

While Seungmin was listening to the hammering of his heart and ever so not suspiciously mopping the doormats, Changbin was seated in the tiny camera man office, alone as a matter of fact and had his eyes kept on the younger. Time flew faster than they both imagined and by the time they looked dow at their watches it was already 9:24 so the little plan they were going to pull off had to be brought into reality.  
Counting down seconds Changbin started searching up the right buttons to push so that it will do the tiniest blackout for a few minutes, the rest was on Seungmin's shoulders. The younger's eyes traveled down the letters and numbers displayed on the metal boxes before finding the one he needed and pretended to wipe some dust off of it. Any second now and...Poof. The light quivered for a few seconds and the storage room shut down into darkness, even the flickering red dot of the camera stopped peeking through the corners. Damn, Changbin was good at his job.  
Once that was done, Seungmin rapidly slid off the lid and with the help of his flashlight tiptoed his fingers through the papers. 

"Kwan Jae, Kwan Jae, Kwan J- Ah there you are" Whispered the younger to himself as he found the case file. He was about to slide the box back onto the shelf as his attention was caught by something else. This one was much thicker, much bigger with more bookmarks sticking out from it and a familiar name written on the side 'Hwang'.  
He shouldn't....

He really shouldn't. 

But the curiosity took the best of Seungmin as he grabbed the thicker file and pushed the drawer back, quickly hiding both booklets into his bag. He barely had time to stand back onto his feet as a soft buzzing sound was heard and his eyes could see clearly once again as the room lit up with bright light.

'Just in time' Thought Seungmin to himself as he took a deep breath and continued his cleaning duty, all that was left is for him to exit the building where on the bench in the park sat Sana, patiently waiting for him to return. Success, they pulled it off. 

Once Seungmin was back in his usual clothes and trying not to run out of the building keeping his steady pace, he was a little too aware from the extra weight in his bag. Even though his shift was over, Changbin would have to stay up in the I.T. room for the whole night, and the next month or so, his dedication to keep up the act was beautifully admirable. He paced his walk through the late autumn alleys and slightly shivering at the evening breeze. A silhouette of a woman was seen seated under one if the pretty arcs, there she was, waiting a she promised. He speeded up a little and jogged up to Sana. 

"I- I got it, I have it" Were all the words Seungmin had to say. 

Sana let out a sigh of relief, pressing the palm of her hand to her forehead. "Ah thank god" She opened her backpack and signed for Seungmin to hand over the files. "I hope you understand why I can't let you keep them Minnie, I trust you but...I can't be sure that you might take some stuff out or anything else, I promise I will show you it's continents in a few days" 

Seungmin nodded, passing the papers to the woman. A voice inside him sent a pang of guilt, that he still had the other one in his bag but...fuck it. 

Sana smiled at him, fitting the paper into her backpack and waved him a goodbye before walking away. Seungmin was now alone, only the desire to read through the papers burning inside him. 

A click of the door, a rumble of bags, a hurried way of slipping out of his outdoor clothes and Seungmin was at his desk with the file lying in front of him. 

"Let's see how deep it goes, Hwang Hyunjin" Mumbled Seungmin as he flipped open the first page. 

♧

'The incident of the Lee Family' 

'Who is Lee Sewoo ? His death reveals domestic abuse ?'

'The truth about the Lee Family' 

'Lee Ahnjong is infertile? Yongbok is adopted ?'

'Hwang Heejin tells truth about her sister' 

Stacks and stacks and stacks of newspapers. Article after article after article. 

The news spread quickly, like the plague invading the city of Seoul. It would be weird if people wouldn't talk about it, after all the police did carry out the only child of the Lee family out of the grand mansion. They did find the dead body of Lee Sewoo in the main living room, lying in a puddle of blood. It's a big thing you know? One the most powerful family's in Korea to collapse just like that. 

"They say that the wife is alright, at least that's what the papers wrote...I think they took off the accusations, she's also the victim of the husbands abuse right?"  
Came the voice of one of the nurses. 

"Yes, yes, That Lee Sewoo, he married Ahnjong only because she's one of the Hwang sisters, just to get the money. It was a scary alliance while it lasted."  
Replied the other nurse,.

"The boy is adopted isn't he ? I checked the sample, DNA doesn't match" 

"Ahh must be so, The rumours of her being infertile must be true." 

"I heard the Hwangs are going to take the boy under their wing, good for him huh,"

"Yongbok? Yes, he still didn't wake up after I put him in the emergency room... he didn't even open his eyes." 

"It's scary...They are still trying to cover things up mmhm" 

"And it's working, no? I saw Miss Heejin Hwang visiting the boy last week, she filled up the papers." 

"What about Ahnjong, how is she doing?" 

"I heard she will take back the Hwang surname. It's disgusting to still be a Lee."

"But if she does, the boy will stop being under her custody..."

"Eeeeh right, I heard that's what she wants. She didn't even want to see him."

"That's awful, to revoke her own son-"

"He isn't even her son. Once she was let out of the hospital, she left Yongbok here and no one herd from her ever since then." 

"Haaa, let's hope the Hwangs will take good care of him. Heejin also has a son, doesn't she?"

"Yes yes, that boy, Hwang Hyunjin right?" 

-

Felix slowly opened his eyes to see two woman standing in the corner of the white room. He could only hear bits and pieces of the conversation but it didn't matter, he wanted to drink. 

"Water" Came out his voice barely audible. The chitter chatter of the nurses stopped as they turned around to face him. They panicked a little, one of them rushing towards Felix and checking his monitors, while the other one called out for more doctors to come. 

"He's awake! He's awake!" 

More people came running into the room, checking his pulse and very carefully helped him to sit up in the hospital bed. A man crouched down besides him, shining a little torch in his eyes and asking him questions about who he was and what he remembers. 

"My name...is Lee Yongbok, I am 11 years old and....I need water "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need some motivation and to know what u guys think ! So...
> 
> pleaase please leave a comment <3


	11. ephemeral rays of 'us'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so finally closing up the hyunlix thing
> 
> Hyunjin visits his family house and has flashbacks from when him and Felix were still kids. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: there will be 2 TW in this chapter i will put ∆ at the beginning and ∆ at the end of it  
> the first trigger warding is graphic description of a wound  
> the second one is description of domestic abuse, implication of r*pe 
> 
> Also at the beginning and end of each flashback there will be a ±
> 
> also, sorry for the delay()()()(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i'm sorry for the late update but here you go, probably my longest chapter so far!<3
> 
> also me lowkey saying //Hyunjin has money and we're all broke//  
> personally i love this chapter and hope you will enjoy reading it just as much as i enjoyed writing it!!!  
> anyways we reached 2000 hits!!!! thanks so much for whoever keeps up with the story)

As the doors slowly opened, they let the rich light fall upon the tender lines of the deep blue suit. The tips of his fingers carefully pinching the thin spine of the rose, avoiding the sharp thorns.  
Petals white, tired and thirsty once taken out of the vase, the flower dimmed and saddened thriving for sunshine. He stood tall, shoulders spread as if wings were just about to sprout out of his back. He did look like an angel, golden locks combed with delicacy, skin appalled by nothing but a faint whisper of a tan for he had a light complexion.  
Hyunjin knew these doors, he knew the clear windows, knew the long halls and the expensive carpets. Knew the grey and white interior by heart, memorising every single turn of the corridors and all the black staircases leading into the upper floors. It's been a long time since he has been here, refusing to take visits after last summer, but now he simply had no choice. 

the ring of high heels on the shiny clean marble floor echoed loudly enough as the silence was rather suffocating. Hyunjin took it as spare moment to discretely roll his eyes before a dark haired woman appeared before him.

She was beautiful. No doubt she was, a short black dress wrapped around her petite body, gloves and tights of a black lace and a bright red lipstick being the only dash of colour through her outfit. What a witch, ever since Hyunjin was merely a kid this woman gave up on ageing, claiming it was a worthless way to pass her time and decided to remain young forever, only the heavy wiser look in her eyes giving out her older years. As her gaze met the boy's shiny eyes a gummy heart shaped smile tugged on her lips, as wide and bright as ever. 

"Hyunjin! how good it is to see you here...for months you've been avoiding us."  
The woman planted a little kiss on the taller's cheek, helping herself up by putting her hands on his shoulders. The height difference between the two seemed to grow bigger and bigger. 

Hyunjin offered her a silent greeting with an awkward smile, waiting for hers to fade from the absence of the second guest invited. As he had predicted, It didn't take long for the brunette to peek behind his back in search of someone else. 

"Hmmmm Felix didn't come? I made it quite clear that I wanted to see you both at our family dinner."

"Please mom, You know pretty well why I won't let him join us." 

The woman frowned, clearly unhappy at such response. It looked like she was eager to continue the argument but bit her lip in frustration, holding herself back from complaining. She brought up her fingers carefully fixing up his tie and straightening his collar. 

"The rest are waiting for us in the dining room already. Please Jin, you know it won't take too long, you always sneak away halfway though anyways."

This oozed a little chuckled from the blonde as he returned her eyes a reassuring glance before following his mother through the house. 

The table was already full, fancy styled people exchanging rumours and giggles. A man sat in the head of the table, his head slicked back with way too much fixating gell, dressed in the most casual black suit which probably costed an insane amount of money. As a center piece, there stood a vase with twelve white roses, each flower in a different state. As the man noticed Hyunjin entering the room, he stood up from his seat and swerved towards him and his mother, shooting a blinding smile their way. 

"Ah, look at that, nice to see my own son finally show up...Isn't it so Heejin darling?" 

"So, so is...although sunshine Felix stayed at home, what, another thousandth time?" Whispered Heejin, eyeing her son from the side. 

Hyunjin sighed, licking his lips "Well he would've come if aunt Ahnjong weren't here, sitting at the same table" 

His father pursed his nose bridge with a fed up expression.  
"Please, he's talked to her before and it was fine."

"No he wasn't, especially not now," Argued Hyunjin.

Heejin raised her voice and crossed her arms on her chest.  
"Now? what is different now...?"

Hyunjin stayed silent for a couple seconds, looking back from both of his parents. It took them a minute almost, to realise... as they began rambling. 

"Oh please don't bring up that drug addict."

"A stupid overdosed prick harmed him so much huh?" 

"Hyunjin you're a Hwang, such people as him shouldn't worry you, whether they are dead or alive." 

"A fucking begger, drug addict!" 

"It wasn't an issue then, what, a 20 thousand isn't even real money." 

"stop!" Raised his voice the blonde.

He pushed through the two of them and approached the vase, putting his rose inside and catching everyone else's attention. The greeting was formal, nothing new to the Hwang household 'Place your rose in the vase and bow' all done as instructed. The dinner is just a tradition, as a big family they must all get together, share smiles and chuckles even if some of them were nothing but fake masks pressed so tight against their true faces that the facade began to slowly blend in with the character. 

Halfway through, as the musicians showed up, Hyunjin managed to slip away from his not so beloved family members and wandered around the house. He knew they would notice sooner or later but he was eager to make the most out of his little visit by taking a walk down memory lane. Not to get him wrong, Hyunjin loved his parents, the usual son to mother-father love was still present. He was beyond grateful of what they did for him but the approach they took was pathetically niglectful as the lives of those of the lower class didn't concern them the slightest bit. 

His footsteps ghostly on the floor he expected another few rooms before stopping near a prolongued hall with a small legged table and a sofa zone in it. His lips parted as vivid memories flashed before his eyes. 

±

It was sombre outside, cold tiptoeing on the windows and fidgeting inside from the slaps of wind. His mother, clothed in a silk home robe was seated on the sofa with Hyunjin sitting besides her.  
A boy with dark brown hair and cinnamon freckles was playing around with a soft little teddy bear in his hands. It was a peaceful evening, only a couple weeks after the younger began officially staying at the Hwang household. The Tv was playing some sort of drama which Heejin passed all her weekends watching. She was munching on some nuts and other sweet little snacks that they had. She lazily reached for the bowl standing on the table besides her, but only scraped her nails at its emptiness. 

"Ah look at that, we finished all the nuts. Bbokie, be a good kid, get some from the kitchen" Softly said the woman. 

The boy nodded, letting go of the toy, he picked up the bowl and hurriedly ran off to the kitchen. It's been a few minutes now that he went, and Heejin was getting a little impatient at the kid, what was there so difficult in refilling a bowl with peanuts? Not bothering to tare her eyes off of the TV, she raised her voice to call for the younger. 

"Whats taking you so long? Yongbok!!" 

Suddenly there was dull sound on the floor and the rolling of the bowl mixed with the spilling of its continents onto the marble. Heejin turned around to see the Freckle boy frozen at place with a slight tremble. He was apologizing under his breath but failed to move a mere inch. As she saw the state in which the boy was in, Heejin rushed towards him, crouching down and taking his hands in hers. Hyunjin remained on the sofa, not really knowing what to do, he at the time was only twelve and the boy's reactions were odd and seemed extremely unnatural. What he did notice though, was when these things happen. He silently watched as his mother comforted the younger, feeling pity for him. 

"I think he doesn't like it when you call him that" Spoke up Hyunjin. 

"Call him what?" responded Heejin, her arms still around the smaller. 

"I know we call him Bbokie but whenever you pronounce his whole name, he does this weird thing and freaks out." 

Heejin looked back into the large coffee bean eyes slightly glistening with tears. The boy really did look distressed, even though they knew most of his triggers, the obvious ones being shattering glass and the smell of wine, there was still a lot engraved into his memory...maybe even his sown name resonated as a trigger. 

"Bbokie, be honest with me now, you don't like it when I say your full name?" 

The kid hesitantly shook his head. At the shy response Heejin only sighed pulling him into a tight hug, letting the small body of the boy relax against her own...he was just a child after all. 

Felix was 11 when he first felt warmth.  
Hyujin was 12 when he first saw someone with scars. 

±

Hyunjin blinked a few times, looking back at the now empty room. Of course he still remembers Felix when they were 11-12 years old, it would be stupid if he didn't. The blonde cleared his throat before moving forwards, tracing lines on the walls with his slender fingers. He takes in the thin fragrance of the house itself, always a rich, expensive flavour delivered by a spray of flower perfume. He hums to himself, distancing more and more from the fading sounds of the dining hall. Soon enough, his eyes catch the sight of a dark smaller door. with a little golden panel screwed to it, indicating of a 'study room'. 

He opened the door with a low familiar creak only to quickly slide through the gap int the dimmer smaller room, stacked with bookshelves and houseplants. It was actually rather spacious but definitely petite compared to the other rooms in the house, just enough to make a comfortable study. Hyunjin quickly recognised the table lamp and expected the two chairs still standing close to each other. He sat down in the grey one with gamer wheels, pushing himself back and turning in circles, something he did way too often instead of homework as a kid. 

±

It was a Friday afternoon as Hyunjin raced through the halls, still in his school uniform, eager to find Bbokie in the study. Yes, they still called him that as the boy hasn't decided on his new name yet. Hyunjin grew to like the younger, as the boy was rather lonely he wasn't allowed to hang out with anyone, Bbokie was the one he always ended up playing with. Because of his still active triggers, Heejin decided that it was better for the kid to stay homeschooled for a while, or at least before they settled on something other than 'Yongbok'. 

Silently opening the door, Hyunjin creeped behind the younger before attacking his shoulders with a 'boo'. The freckled boy jolted in his seat with a surprised squirm before turning around to face Hyunjin who was wearing a smug grin on his lips. They both exploded into innocent little giggles as the older took his place next to the boy, messily patting his hair. 

"So how is home school going?" 

"It's fine but for some reason I have to do Latin, why do you even need Latin in life?"

Hyunjin shrugged, taking out his own books out of his bag and placing them on the table. It was true though, for some reason Latin was an actual language they had to learn.

"Dunno, want me to help you with revision Bbokie?" 

The younger nodded, sitting up in his chair and passing his textbook to Hyunjin. He knew most of his words and phrases well before he got stuck at a rather easy one and just couldn't get it right. 

"Cmon it's easyyyy" Kept repeating Hyunjin "Si Felix esse, vis este" Read the older for the tenth time. 

The freckled boy bit his lip with a concentrated face. He stared firmly into Hyunjin's expecting brown eyes, filtering options in his mind. 

"Ugh, I don't know Jinnie, you tell me, what does it mean?" 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and passed the book back to Bbokie. "Si Felix esse, vis este' means 'if you want to be happy, be!' You know that word 'Felix' means 'happy".'

"felix, Felix, Felix, Felix, Felix..Okay got it, now I won't forget it for sure hehe" Grinned the freckled boy with the prettiest smile the taller has ever seen. 

"Felix" Repeated Hyunjin one more time and the boy looked up at him almost imediatly. "Felix is a pretty name." 

"It's a pretty name." Responded Bbokie. 

Hyunjin couldn't hold back from ruffling his hair again, a soft laughter escaping his lips. "So then Felix it is."

"Huh?"

"Your name, I thought Felix sounds nice and it has a good meaning". 

"oh" Bbokie blinked a few times seemingly confused before pointing back at himself. "You mean...I'm Felix now?" 

"Yep! It suits you just right" Said Hyunjin and pulled the smaller into a tight hug. Bbokie, or now Felix instantly responded, he was a very touchy person and adored any sort of contact the others gave him. Hyunjin passed his hand through Felix's brown locks and pressed a tiny peck on his forehead, not noticing how a pale shade of pink tinted the other's cheeks. 

Felix was 11 years old when he knew he really liked Hyunjin.  
Hyunjin was 12 when he first felt attached to Felix. 

± 

Hyunjin smiled at the dear to him memory, exiting the study room. He's had enough from the stuffy place so the Blonde decided to take a walk outside, in the garden. 

It was just about midday so the flowers were in full bloom with some bugs and bees crawling and buzzing through their leaves. The garden itself was a large space, seeded and beeded with rare trees and cultivating roses through the side walk. They even possessed a smaller lake, snaking in between ankle sized hills, covered with hairy chunks of moss.  
The lake-side air was pungent with the fragrance of jasmine. This was no natural basin filled with melt water, but the luxury addition to a formal garden by an earl with both copious leisure time and money. Hyunjin stepped closer to the edge and crouched down. From six feet up the surface was an opaque green, but from just two inches away it was clear enough to see the plants and life below the surface. He had expected the highly coloured Japanese Koi Carp and he wasn't disappointed, if anything he was impressed. They were huge and numerous, each about as long as his arm. He gazed across the wind-ruffed surface to the lily pads in bloom, their white or magenta petals catching the breeze. He inhaled slowly. Peace. His little piece of heaven in the urban jungle. It was worth the visit many times over.

Hyunjin extended his hand to reach for pretty little purple flower, bent over the mirror of water by a bush, the plant seemingly dominated by others. But as his fingers grazed the side of it's stem, The blonde quickly retracted it with a hiss. He failed to notice the minuscule thorns the flower hid in the shadows, they easily poked through his soft skin, forcing a stinging feeling through his nerves as a droplet of blood fell into the river, forming branches in the water. 

Ah...this looked familiar. 

±

Felix was sitting on the border of the river, ass to grass, his thumb in his mouth. The shadow from the upper above tree leaves formed pretty patterns on his T-shirt and pants. Hyunjin only noticed the boy when he was just a few meters away from him and raised an eyebrow at the weird position he was in. 

"Lixie? What are you doing?" 

Felix Turned around retracting his hand and hiding it behind his back. That would all go unnoticed if his lips and chin weren't stained in smudged traces of blood and his gaze wasn't absolutely disoriented, shifting is eyes from Hyunjin to other corners of the garden. It took only a single glance at Felix's face that the older darted towards him, his hand's on Lix's cheeks, turning his head from side to side in search of a wound. Felix shook the older's hands off, rapidly wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his other hand. 

"Umm, I- I'm fine don't worry" Mumbled the boy. 

Hyunjin brought his arms back up, fixating Felix in the way that the freckled boy could't avoid his eyes. He patiently waited until the younger calmed down, caressing the side of his cheek with his thumb. Now that a few years have passed, the two of them became really comfortable with each other, exchanging such touches wasn't uncommon between them. 

"Felix, what happened? Why do you have blood on you?"

The younger Bit his lip as he slowly took his other hand from behind his back. Hyunjin carefully held his thin wrist and scrunched up his sleeve to reveal a rather intense sight. ∆

The soft nitty fabric of his shirt was partially ripped, baby threads sticking out of the tares and glued to his skin by deeper crimson strings of blood, extending from many many scratches up his arm. He was especially careful, peeling away the tissue so that the the stinging essence pf pain wouldn't escalate at his action. Felix hissed, squinting his eyes and gritting his teeth from the itch. By the look of it, the wounds were still fresh, some of them with open bleeding, dark red tears leaking down his elbow and staining the grass. Hyunjin's pupils widened as he saw the full view, he could only imagine of how much these would hurt. A few leaves were glued to the rim of the cuts, even a minuscule bug digging its way through the boy's skin. ∆

"I...I reached my hand through the bush..I didn't notice the thorns and it scratched my arm..." muttered Felix through slight hiccups. 

Hyunjin had to react quickly, before the wounds would get infected. He pressed Felix closer to him by his shoulders and guided him back to the house as quickly as he could. He rushed both of them into the bathroom, turning on the tap and forcing the younger's arm under the stream of cool water, ignoring his whimpers. Once he wrinced off the blood and leaves he seated the younger on his lap while tightly bandaging over the cuts. Felix already had warm tears dried on his cheeks, not realising when he began or stopped crying. 

"Tch, please be careful next time, what if it got infected?" Scolded him Hyunjin. "And what if I wasn't there to find you? Would've you taken care of yourself?" 

"I'm sorry.. I won't do that again." Whispered Felix, lowering his head. 

"Do what?" 

"Be a bother. I'm sorry," 

Hyunjin didn't really know how to reply to that. Did Felix really think he was causing him trouble? He raised his hand to pass his fingers through Felix's messy brown locks, doing so with tenderness in order to comfort the younger. "Lixie...Look at me" Shyly, Felix met Hyunjin's gaze uncertain of what he should do next. 

"You aren't a bother, Okay? I care about you and I don't want to get hurt. Don't say these things about yourself." 

Felix bit his lip and nodded. Even though time has passed and he got familiar with the care and warmness, he still feared that it was all a facade. The same fake behaviour his dad or mother put up in front of guests or cameras. But Hyunjin was different. Hyunjin was real. 

Felix was 13 years old when he realised that Hyunjin was the most special person in his life.  
Hyunjin was 14 when he understood how deep Felix's scars go. 

±

The blond took another twenty minutes standing still at the border of the lake before breaking his statuesque pose and continuing his walk. The melancholic atmosphere started to slowly get to him, covering his thoughts in a thick mist of memories. This would happen every time he looked upon the empty swing dangling from the big old oak tree, the narrow stony paths where he would run around dirtying his shoes, the by the river benches on which him and Felix would sit and read their books on a school day afternoon. He didn't know why it hurt, but it did. 

He made his way through the deeper parts of the garden and stopping before the backyard wall. It was the garage building where cars stood, pre built to the main house with a few fire ladders leading upwards to some sort of terrace. Heejin would always prohibit Hyunjin and Felix to climb there but he did it anyways, the platform being his little hideout. The image of it stirred something within him, and before he knew, hyunjin was climbing up the ladder, all forgotten about the expensive clothes he had on. Once Hyunjin has reached the top he leaned against the exterior wall, admiring the view....funnily enough, this evoked another little flashback. 

Memories are often invoked by a fragrance, a colour or music. This time, it was enough for Hyunjin to be simply standing there, in the same exact way as when he was 16. 

±

When Hyunjin was 16, he barely entered his fully aware teenage years as people at school stopped being nice to him. There were those who were friends with him just because of his family....and those who hated him just because of his family. The boy himself never realised how much his title would affect the way others looked at him, he dressed how he wanted, looked how he wanted and talked how he wanted. Hyunjin was a soft kid, a nice kid...maybe with some leaking violent anger issues that were yet to be discovered but he never hurt anyone unless being provoked. His style though, was something he liked to experiment with a lot, growing out his hair and wearing sometimes glittery or 'feminine' clothing. To be fair though, the clothes weren't even from the female collection, they were only looking fancier and softer than those of other kids. This little preference of his, sooner or later began to rub off on him in the worst way possible.

Hyunjin was walking down the school hallway, with a stripy white and blue fluffy sweater pulled over his uniform, long black hair let down from his usual ponytail. He quickly entered the bathroom only to wash his hands when the door behind him was violently slammed closed as a group of older boys staggered in. He tried to ignore their presence at first - their business, wasn't his business but when he attempted to walk out, he was stopped by a hand grabbing his shoulder. 

"Eeeh, where's the little Hwang going? looking all dressed up like that, maybe he finally got himself a boyfriend" Snickered one of the bullies. 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes before turning around to face the upper-classmate's crooked faces. Two of them he knew, these were the jerks that would sometimes come up to him at lunch. Fucking idiots were 18, they really had nothing to with their life. The other 3 guys were who he assumed were their stupid friends, only entertainment to harass the younger. Hyunjin knew why was hated, he knew he had money, he knew that they didn't. It's a dumb mutual hatred, for all Hyunjin knew he didn't do anything wrong except for being born. Calling him a faggot wasn't anything inovative either, words didn't affect him and he already had a steady friend group, the golden place of the 'popular kids' verses the assholes from the 'feared kids'. The younger really didn't want to get into a messy fight with them, especially for the reason that Felix would notice and he didn't want for the boy to worry about him. To be fair though, he never had a girlfriend or really liked anyone before so the possibility of him being queer even made the boy himself question. Although, after thinking about it for a while, Hyunjin settled on that he didn't really give a shit about who he liked, he didn't even care about anyone. 

....Well, he cared about Felix. 

"The fuck do you want?" Looked up at them Hyunjin with a tired gaze. 

"To beat the shit out of your gay ass." 

Oh. So it was that forwarded huh? 

One of the boys, the one with dark brown hair, approached Hyunjin which made him back a few steps, his back really close to the wall behind him. Even if he didn't want to admit it, his heartbeat quickened as fright slowly creeped up his arms, sending shivers through his skin. Just don't show that you're scared Hwang, don't give them that. The brunette then suddenly swung his hand towards Hyunjin's face and he shrunk in fear awaiting for the blow to come but instead of punching him, the taller grabbed a handfull of his hair and pulled him forwards. Hyunjin let out a surprised shreak and scrunched his face at the pain. The pull was violent and harsh, making his stumble forwards. 

"These are pretty, they are really beautiful huh? Shapes your perfect little face just in the right way." Cooed the brunette. 

"Mmmhm, I wonder how he would look with a shorter haircut no?" Added one of the other guys. 

The one holding Hyunjin by his hair gestured towards a smaller boy who began quickly going through his bag before taking out a pair of scissors. Thats when Hyunjin understood what they wanted to do. 

Fuck. 

Hyunjin stilled for a moment before attempting to push backwards but the grip was strong and firm. The boys began laughing at his failed attempts as the taller brought the scissors to his hair, snapping his ink black locks off. The younger screamed for them to stop but they just continued to laugh and laugh and laugh...before something inside him clicked. 

How fucking dare they. How FUCKING dare they?! 

It was now rage boiling up his veins and before Hyunjin knew, the. sliver weapon was in his hand, adrenaline rushing before his eyes. All it took was a half a second before the pointy edges were buried deep inside the brunette's knee, forcing a scream out of the other. Blood. There was a lot of blood. While the boys were distracted by their wounded friend Hyunjin rushed out of the bathroom and kept running before he was out of the school building. 

"Holly shit...what did I just do?" Whispered the boy to himself. 

He needed to clear his head. Once arrived home, he did everything possible to avoid Felix, his mother, or anyone else who would usually be home at that time. His hands were slightly trembling as he climbed up the forbidden ladder onto the garage roof-platform. There was nothing but a breeze ruffling his hair, now unevenly cut on the right side. he slid down the outside wall, wrapping his arms around himself, he didn't want to be violent. Suddenly all of the things that were ever said to him, shouted at him, whispered behind his back, became awfully loud in his mind:

"Jinnie?" Came a little voice distracting him from his thoughts. A freckled head was sticking out from the ladder side of the rooftop. 

Felix. 

shit, Felix shouldn't see him like this. 

"Go away Lix"  
Attempted to say Hyunjin with a confident tone but instead his voice let out a slight tremble. Felix tilted his head to the side and struggled up the last step, fidgeting his body up on the platform. He then ran up to Hyunjin and crouched down besides him. Felix's innocent eyes were now perked with concern as he looked at the other's face. 

"Hyunjinnie, what happened?" 

Hyunjin didn't answer, only kept staring at the ground beneath his legs. Awesome, now Felix saw him be weak. 

"Hyunnie?" 

"It's nothing, just...people don't like my hair" Blurted out Hyunjin, turning his head towards the freckled boy. 

"How could people not like your hair? You're very pretty. I wish I was as pretty as you." 

Even though Felix was already 15, his manner of talking remained childish. This was a part of his charm, the older only found it endearing.

"No Lixie, you're way prettier than me, especially now, look at my hair" 

His tone was joking, but it was easy to understand that the boy was upset about the cut locks. Felix sighed passing his fingers through Hyunjin's black strands. 

"I don't care about your hair. I already really really like you the way you are." 

"Umm, you, you shouldn't say that" Stuttered the older. 

"Why not?"

"Because you would say these things to a girl or something...to someone you love"

"But I love you, Hyunjin. Don't you love me too?"

Hyunjin would't get flustered, This was surely unlike him. But now, with Felix cupping the side of his face and peeking into his eyes with his sweet chocolate ones, something stirred within him.

"No..you're right. I love you too."

Hyunjin was 16 years old when he realised he might 'love' Felix. 

Felix was 15 years old when he first heard the words 'I love you'.

±

The blonde stood on the platform for a few extra minutes before climbing back down into the garden. It would've been awkward of any of the guests went out for a smoke and saw the heir of the Hwang family standing on top of the garage and admiring the view. Speaking of the guests, it was about time for him to return to the reunion, if he wasn't back before the speeches his father would quite literally murder him, after all, it wouldn't even be that difficult to cover up. He made his way through the flower tombs, especially carefully and gracefully not to stain his custom suit, or avoid getting any sticky dirt onto his shoes. Once entering back into the house, he decided to make his way through the grand hall, where sometimes, his parents would dance under the classical music. It was also one of the unspoken traditions of the Hwang family which Hyunjin himself enjoyed the most, even to be doing so with Felix. He could already hear laughter and piano echoing through the walls and was about to join his 'dear' siblings as he stopped before a white carved door, from the left side of the hall. 

No, he shouldn't really. You could overdose with nostalgia too, right? Aren't memories the most powerful drug on the market? So addicting and so bitter with their ghostly aftertaste. 

But alas, Hyunjin was only human. With a sight of defeat he approached it, turning the crystal knuckle and entering the room. It was dark, of course, the blinds were down letting only the tiniest rays of sunshine penetrate the sombre place. He passed his fingers on the wall, finding the light switch and flipping it gently, to admire the flicker of the lights as they cleared the mist of the shadows. Erything really was just as he remembered,.

The pink bed with way too much pillows on it, the little desk, not really meant for studying as the boys had a study room, the tiny wooden staircase leading to a half cut upper floor where him and Felix would look at the stars through gigantic windows. The vast fluffy white carpet was still there to sink you feet in, it's softness reminding of a cloud. But most importantly, there still hung the little sign from the other side of the door, written with sloppy, childish handwriting: "Felix's room! Please don't come in unless you're Jinnie or Mrs and Ms Hwang" With a crooked picture of the sun drawn beneath it. 

He could've remembered many happy moments passed in this room, when him and Felix were younger, but for some strange reason the memory that his mind chose to play only gave off the essence of bitter tears and a sweet aftertaste...how ironic isn't it?

±

A hurricane. A very violent strong hurricane is roaming in circles outside the window, like wild beast gone raging in the open skies of Seoul. Rain has been pouring down for days now, bashing raindrops against windows and winds as strong as it could get. the weather conditions were absolutely terrible but apparently that wasn't enough for Hwang Heejin to cancel the long awaited and masterly planned dinner at their mansion. So many guests were invited, arriving in their expensive cars and barely making it to the door through the thunderstorm. There will be music, alcohol, entertainment. Times like these the addicting drink is spilled into countless wine glasses spreading the aroma through the whole house.

Felix isn't a kid anymore, he's 17. He can handle the smell of wine, he can even handle drunk people. Sure he would maybe get a little anxious but he's doing fine, he's doing great, he's proud of himself. His triggers have finally faded into the background and he can behave himself like a normal person, no need to hide in his room anymore, things are going just right. And besides, Hyunjin was there with him, every time such event would be hosted at the Hwang household, Hyunjin would be there, standing by his side, even though Felix assured him he didn't need his help. 

Today was no different, both of them in their dressing gowns, Felix's is while and stripy and Hyunjin's grey and brown. The event started off well and calm, guests talking to each other in a highly trained manner, discussing business ideas or telling about their travels around the world. Both Felix and Hyunjin would sometimes join a conversation, but not for too long, before finding each other again through the crowd.

At some point, an old woman pulled Hyunjin to the side, introducing him to her daughter, a young girl around their age, pretty but nothing special. In the recent time, a lot of people would peek interest in Hyunjin only to introduce him to their daughters and compliment his looks. This never happened to Felix himself, probably because of his family name, Felix was still a Lee after all. He knew that even Mrs Heejin was trying to find Hyunjin a girlfriend and the thought of that really, really bothered the freckled boy. He wasn't stupid, he grew to realise it that his love for the older wasn't 'brotherly' as Mr Hwang liked to put it but Felix was very much in love with Hyunjin. Surely it was hard for him to pretend that Hyunjin's touches didn't affect him in any way and he nearly managed to convince himself that the hugs they shared were enough for him, but after one night when Felix woke up sweating from a vivd wet dream did he understand the gravity of his attraction. 

And now, when Hyunjin was softly smiling at the girl in front of him, all Felix could do was bite his lip and look away, griping tightly to any distraction he could make up to himself. 

Soon enough, an older man, probably drunk, walked up to the younger and tapped him on the shoulder. Felix turned around to face him, trying really hard not to cringe at his unpleasant breath. He preferred to avoid these people, they didn't trigger him to a PTSD attack but they sure as hell made him feel highly uncomfortable and nervous, his heartbeat upping a few beats. 

"I-I'm sorry, young man...would you happen to know where the toilets are?" Slurred the male. 

Well shit, now he will have to guide this guy all by himself and attempt not to freak out only by his presence. Felix nodded silently, gesturing for the other to follow him. He walked rapidly, only wanting to get back to the main hall, trying to pay the least attention to the man as possible who attempted to keep up with his wobbly walk. Fucking hell, he wasn't drunk...he was wasted. Once they have reached the small beige doors, he opened one for the man, smiled and was about to walk away when he felt a hand on his waist. Felix stiffened unable to move, unable to speak.

No please no. 

∆

The man's hand began lowering down to his ass, slightly squeezing his side and pulling his closer with his other arm. "Look,,look at you, all so pretty and small huh? You- You're just like a girl, so p-petite" The man's voice was hoarse and disgusting, but his grip was loose, as if he was simply caressing the boy, no force applied. 

Felix's thoughts began screaming through his mind attempting to awaken his body. 'C'mon Lix, you just have to run, don't just stand there, run, RUN!'

So he did. 

He freed himself from the man's touch, speeding through the hallways, panicked, his legs moving as fast as he could. He din't care if anyone's seen him rushing through the corridors and into his room, slamming his door closed. 

"Please, please, please, please no!" Cried out Felix to himself as a certain part of his brain began to activate again. One second he was in his room...and the next one he wasn't. 

One glass of wine. Two glass of wine. Three Glass of wine.

The atrocious music playing on repeat. 

The hoarse voice of his father. 

"WHERE ARE YOU YONGBOK? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT?" 

He was under the table. His feet were bleeding. His lower abdomen was hurting. His tears were streaming.

There he was, all dirty and useless again. Used. Helpless. Like a doll, a toy, you play with it until it's broken. Toys cant say no, they can't feel pain or pleasure, or both. 

He prayed he wouldn't be found, he wouldn't survive that again, he just wished for his mother to save him but he knew she was no stronger than him. Then he saw his shoes. 

Step, step, step, step, step....closer and closer to the table, just a little bit and he will lift the cover, and find find him, and hurt him, and fu-

Felix. ∆

"felix"

"FELIX!"

He opened his eyes blurry from tears, his body trembling and heart about to explode. He was being held in a tight hug as someone was screaming his name...Hyunjin. When Felix's sobs quieted down the older took his face in his hands, pressing their foreheads together. 

"I'm so sorry Felix, I should've been there, I didn't know how to help you."

Hyunjin was crying. Felix hated to see Hyunjin cry, is he crying because of him? Did Felix make Hyunjin cry? As Felix made sense of the time, the music was still coming from the other side of the door...the event was still continuing. Good. At least he didn't ruin it for the others. 

"Lixie what happened? Who did this to you? I saw you run into your room and then you-" 

Felix was still not fully conscious but he could make out Hyunjin's voice, his words, his question. As he tried to reply, all that could come out were helpless sobs. 

"No,no sunshine, concentrate only on me, there is no one here except for us" Hyunjin rambled, his lips pressed to Felix's ear but the boy failed calm down. Hyunjin had to think fast, to get the other's thoughts away from that scary place so he did the first think that came to mind. 

He kissed him. 

He pressed their mouths together in a long drawn out kiss, swallowing all of Felix's gasps. He could taste the bitter taste of tears on the boy's soft lips but it didn't matter. What mattered was that it was working. The younger slowly began melting into the kiss, his hands snaking around hyunjin's hair. They wanted to stay like this for ever. to drag out this moment as long as they could but both of them needed to breathe. When Hyunjin broke the kiss, Felix was fully relaxed in his arms, panting heavily, his hot breath against his lips. 

"Hyunnie-"

"No, It's fine. I know." Cut him off Hyunjin.

Felix fell out of exhaustion onto the older's chest, only the sound of the hurricane outside rearing through the window. Hyunjin Pressed the freckled boy closer, kissing his shoulder, his head and his neck in a comforting manner. 

"I will never let you go" Whispered Hyunjin to the little boy in his embrace. 

Hyunjin was 18 years old when he devoted himself to Felix.  
Felix was 17 years old when felt safe. 

±

The blonde sat down on Felix's old bed, processing the vivid flashback. "I will never let you go" He muttered under hid breath...He knew exactly what he wanted to do. 

♧

It was exactly 3 am and Felix still wasn't asleep. He tried, but miserably failed sitting up in the empty bed. Hyunjin promised to be back before dawn, what the fuck is taking his so long? The boy was so used to fall asleep in the older's embrace, the the bed without him felt cold and lonely, pulling him into a state a of loneliness. He checked his phone nearly every minute, maybe Hyunjin will text him that he is a little bit late? Maybe there is too much car jam? Finally the ring of the bell tingled through the air and Felix hopped off the bed, rushing down the stairs as fast as he could to open the front door. 

As he swung it open he straight up jumps onto Hyunjin, hugging him tightly with a content smile. "You're late" said the freckled boy with a sleepy tone.

Once he detached himself from the older, he didn't have time to admire his face as he was pulled into a kiss. This one was different from their usual ones, it was more desperate and firm than ever, as if they haven't seen each other in the morning. Once he broke the kiss, Felix couldn't help but feel worried as if something was different. 

"Jinnie? What's wrong?" mumbled the smaller against his lips. 

Hyunjin didn't reply only entering the apartment and closing the door behind them. He looked slightly lost, blinking and swallowing dry before looking back up at Felix.

"...I wanted to do it tomorrow morning....but I don't think I can wait a second longer." 

It was silent from then on...

Hyunjin got down on one knee, the moonlight falling onto his face. Felix let out a little gasp, looking down at the blonde with wide eyes, still in his night clothes. The older slowly reached into the inner pocket of his Jacket, taking out a small velvet box and bringing it up to his face. He slowly opened it, lips parted, revealing a breathtaking silver ring with a beautiful diamond resembling a tear glimmering in the night's starry light. Felix's mind went blank, staring down at Hyunjin, his heart was going off crazy in his chest, loud enough for the whole world to hear it in anticipation of the other's words. And through the silence, like a sharp feather cutting through the tension, the words sounded like the most beautiful thing ever. 

"Lee Felix, will you marry me?"

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading another chapter!!
> 
> <3 PLEASE-PLEASE leave a comment <3 Let me know your thoughts))))


	12. blame it on the bleeding sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minsung being sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the long update, i really needed a break and im also working on a hyunlix oneshot _)))
> 
> It’s a re-upload !!!! I edited and betaed the chapter so there are a lot of insignificant fixes and touches, like clothing or other things might have been slightly changed ~~~

It was already beaming evening with the shallow fragrances of empty halls stalking the college campus. It had a few buildings, one of them with spacious rooms and studios devoted for those who do different activities such as dance practice.

It was just about 6 in the evening as Jisung was returning from a crappy meeting with his now falling apart friend group. To be fair, he stopped visiting these prior a month but Jeongin dragged him to this one, arguing that the gang missed and shit, but of course it didn't go as planned and they ended up arguing again. It's stupid, not like these guys really meant anything to him in the first place, the gang itself served as a good distraction but now was overused and severed to be needed. The Music was bashing loud in his earphones, head down, frustration still throbbing in his veins, replaying the argument in his head. He didn't pay attention to where he was walking and forgot that he was in the left side building, thus when the song ended he realised he was completely lost in the corridors. 

Well fuck. He pulled down the device from his head. letting the earphones rest on his neck as he looked around, biting his lip. Jisung decided that roaming a foreign to him college building wasn't really the best idea so the first thought that came to mind was asking someone to lead him towards the exit. He made his way down the corridor, checking the blinds and peeking into open doors but his attempts were fruitless as for some odd reason, he failed to find at least one person. After another minute or so, his ears caught a a far away sound, some sort of music playing from afar. Jisung rejoiced, hurrying towards the source. He skipped down a few staircases, stopping before a door leading into a dance practice room. There was a silhouette of a person dancing, but he couldn't really make out much from the shadows falling onto the glass. He knocked a few times, but it was obvious that because of the song, the person couldn’t hear him so Jisung let himself inside, awkwardly standing in the doorway and waiting for the other to notice him.

It was a man, clearly a man, but his beautiful movements were accentuated by a strapped around his waist flowy skirt, tightened with a belt around his waist. His movements were sharp and clean, but not stiff, conveying words and feelings into the flexibility of his body. The arts of translating turmoil and heartbreak, joy and happiness into movements of dance require stunning sensibility and connection to the music. He danced with passion, his mind clearly not present in the room but absent somewhere else as the outstretched muscles and arching of limbs take on the task of turning him into something more than a simple dancer. The fabric followed his movements, obedience tangled with the freedom of improvisation, his body appearing almost weightless from the way his steps and twirls compare to feathers twisting in the wind but tugged down from the evidence of heavy sweat and struggle of keeping up the highness of beauty on his shoulders.

Jisung looked in aw at the skilled movements of the boy before his eyes shifted to the mirror and they made eye contact. Suddenly, Jisung's brain shut down as he stared at a pair of familiar black eyes, peeking from under black strands of hair. The boy froze mid movements, hastly turning around and facing the younger. 

"Jisung?! Wh- The fuck are doing here?" Spoke up Minho. He looked startled, gripping the edges of his skirt and squeezing it in his hands. 

"I- I got lost and went on, um, the music was playing so..." Replied the younger slightly stuttering and fidgeting with a chain on his pants. 

Lee Know looked...really uncomfortable. Almost embraced and visibly shrinking from Han's gaze on him. He sighed heavily bringing the palms of his hands up to his face and pressing the against his eyes. "Umm, listen just wait for me outside, I'll be back in a second" With that said, he ran out of the door, slipping into the changing room. As he passed Jisung, he could've swore that he saw the tips of his ears blow bright red. To be fair Han himself felt a sprinkle of pink appear on his cheeks but there was no way he would admit that. 

He didn't have to wait long until Lee Know reappeared from the changing room, now clothed in his usual simple T-shir that was slightly baggy on him, the older drowning in the fabric. It was...cute. Nothing like he looked in the dance room, in a beige tank top sticking to his torso and a black loose skirt but still very him. He gave Han an awkward smile and crossing his arms on his chest. 

"So..what are you doing here?" Asked Minho with an interrogating tone, he appeared to be pissed for whatever reason. 

Jisung raised an eyebrow at him, giving more of his usual cocky behaviour "Why should I be telling you about my business?" 

"ji-" 

"Okay okay, a few of my friends take dance major and Jeongin dragged me here because they 'missed' me but guess what it was another lecture about how I 'abandoned' them for you." 

Lee Know's expression softened as he blinked a few times "You...abandoned them for me?" 

"Uhm, no it's not what I meant, I wasn't super friends with them in the first place y'know. They're like a to go ticket to any places with free booze and motorcicle races." 

"And You don't need that now because you have me?" Confirmed Minho.

"I- Yes, I guess, don't think about i-it too much. Oh, speaking of which...you- umm your dancing, was really cool." He trips slightly over his words, avoiding Lee Now's gaze. 

"Thanks...please don't tell anyone about this though." 

"What why? you're awesome." 

Minho sighs dropping his eyes down to his feet. "Its...reasons." 

Jisung squinted his eyes in suspicion but still nodded. "Wanna hang out today?"

"Sure, where dyu wanna go?" 

"There's a fair nearby, as Christmas is coming up in a month they have pretty much opened up a lot of these little outside snack market places and i thought we could like...go together?'

For some reason Minho's thoughts can't help but circle around a single idea, maybe it was just the poor wording but it sure did seem like Han was asking him out on a date and it shouldn't have excited him as much as it has. There's no way he'd actually decline the younger if Jisung was actually asking him out but he knew it simply wasn't the case. Muttering a simple 'Yes' he taps on Han's shoulder as a sign to follow him along, guiding him out of the building. His trail of thoughts is still a little bit blown apart, anxiety picking at his system. It sure as hell wasn't his plan for Jisung to see him dancing, he was wearing a skirt for god's sake, what does he think of him now? Will things get weird between them, will he tell others? 

He twitches as he feels a hand on his shoulder, cutting off his thinking track. "Hey, are you okay?" Came Jisung's voice. Lee Know turned around blinking rapidly and shaking off some unpleasant memories that took the chance to crawl back before his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?" Han shrugged looking back into his eyes "I was calling your name like three times in a row" 

Still it's all a little blurry. Minho doesn't know why the after affects of a jump scare come pouring in with the aftermath and not distrupt him at place, but it it's how works, apparently. He would call himself stupid for walking back into these days, to look back into the windows of his memory storage but the fear pushes buttons and there's nothing you can do about it, He trusts Han, right, he's his friend...but you never really know a person in-throughout, letting doubt roam the busy streets of his mind. Shit. He's staring now. Inspecting Jisung's face while his inner issues battle in a lazy duel for keeping his words and actions intact. 

Now that he's looking though, his eyes trail along the younger's face inspecting his features. Eyebrows are knitted together in a funny way, slightly pointed upwards as his eyes are glossy and brown, giving him this cute squirrel like look. He has a straight nose, complimented with high cheekbones and lips slightly cracked from the sudden cold that descended on Seoul. Han's lips are pretty, they're small but pouty with his bottom one slightly parted as if he's about to say something. Then his eyes stay on Han's lips on a second too long and when he realises it might be too late.  
"Sorry I spaced out" He fumbles with the stupid apology and turns back around, ignoring Han's confused state., his nails digging into the straps of his bag that he carried on his shoulder. 

As Lee Know walks off, Han stands there for a few seconds, his hand unconsciously rising up to touch his lips and chills run down his spine...he didn't like the idea of Lee Know looking at him like that. Or maybe he did. He couldn't pinpoint that feeling, the somewhat similar to the one when Minho put on some lipgloss but now he was more concerned about the older to be figuring himself out. 

When both of them were out of the building, Minho let out a sigh, glad at the feeling of fresh chilly air hitting his face. It helped him distract himself and quickly regain the right attitude to have a good attitude to pass a good day with Jisung. He wasn't planning on going anywhere today so all he had on was a thin T-shirt and his dance stuff stuffed in his bag while Han was in a hoodie and a leather jacket, even a scarf wrapped loosely around his neck. Once Han caught up to him, running out of the doors, Lee Know was already shivering, his wands wrapped around himself. 

"oh fuck Minho, you're not dressed properly, cmon I'll drive you to the dorms" 

"No. no i'm fine it's not that cold" Stuttered the older.

"Please, I'm not letting you go like this! You're gonna freeze to death." Jisung took Lee Know's hand in his and tugged him towards the bike but he just wiggled out of Han's hold and stood awkwardly at his place. 

"I'll just buy myself something from the fair" Tried to explain Lee Know. 

Han looked at him curving an eyebrow, slightly surprised at his protest. "Jeez, why don't you want to go back to the dorms this badly?"

"Okay..just promise you won't laugh" Hesitated Minho. 

"Promise" Said Jisung rolling his eyes. 

"Well...I can't be bothered enough" 

"Huh?"

"I mean, It'l take to much time I cant be bothered.." 

"So you prefer to stay in a T-shirt." Confirmed Han not really believing the minority of the issue compared to the coldness of the weather. 

Minho offered him an awkward smile but his body failed to suppress the shiver. Jisung shook his head with a slight chuckle and began taking off his leather jacket, letting it fall on the ground. The older raised his eyebrow at Han's actions as the boy was pulling off his hoodie and was now also in his T shirt. Han walked up to Minho and before he had time ton react the piece of clothing was pushed into his arms. 

"Put it on, It will suit you better anyways" Said Jisung with a smug smile while picking up his jacket from the pavement and adjusting it back on himself. Sure Minho wanted, really wanted to argue that there was no need but he knew fair well that his skin will turn to ice without it and quickly hid himself in the fabric of the hoodie, letting the warmth envelop him. He was rather surprised that Jisung must have broader shoulders than him as the hoodie appeared bigger on him than it did on the younger. He silently smiled at Han, it being instead of a thank you and Jisung rolling his eyes, gesturing for the older to climb onto the bike.

Maybe Jisung didn't say it out loud but Lee Know in his mustard yellow hoodie with ruffled hair reminded him again of that weird tingle in his gut. He...didn't want to feel that tingle, but it felt nice. It felt warm. It felt the same warm when Minho wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on his shoulder as they drove off onto the streets and didn't leave him even while the bullets of the wind shot at his face, racing down the road. The ride wasn't too long, around twenty minutes. Minho's mind absent, looking at the glowing advertisements smudging in his vision and midday sky covered in a pressing mist of milk clouds, not dark not bright. The city itself is grey, it's colours were long for bleached by the blankness of his daily life but right now, he wasn't even trying to spot a fickle of happiness in between the cars or the buildings, he had one of his own- blossoming in his ribcage. 

Finally they drove up before a park entrance and hoping off the vehicle. The trees were half naked, grass of laurel flattened by many shoes sauntering past the crooked, forbidding to do so, signs. As depressing as the nature seemed, many colourful ribbons were tied around the thin wrists of branches, a row of miniature houses built through the hickory wide path with chiming lights and kiosks, their doors wide open and cheerful vendors welcoming in customers. Han patted Lee Know on the shoulder, diving into the not too big crowd that had gathered at the fair. Seeing the back of his camel hair swerve in between a few wandering couples, Minho felt just right following him through it, his hand easily finding Han's and interlocking their fingers. Maybe, and just maybe, this was how it's supposed to be from now on...at least he hoped so. 

There were some tables placed throughout the fair, stripy red blankets thrown over them with wooden carved chairs before them, people disposing their paper plates with steamy buns and pancakes, cracking smiles at each other. They found themselves a place before a small tree at the sidewalk, with Jisung stealing a blanket from the nearby table and wrapping it around Minho’s shoulders. He shouldn't have his eyes so dark and fond when he looked at the younger, too raw and loud with their emotions that he feared their boldness would scare him away but Jisung seemed to be oblivious with the brightness of the stars in Minho's gaze. 

He walked off to a nearby stand, digging through his wallet to find little coins of change to pay for the two cups of tea and swerving back to Lee know, giving him the steaming drink. 

"Stop looking at me like that Hyung, I'm just making sure you don't catch a cold.” Said Han while Lee know is still staring at his with his heart on his sleeve.

"Sorry, you're just really pretty." Replied the older blinking away. "Seriously..I Think you look beautiful Jisung." 

Jisung chuckled, stuffing his hands back into his pockets. "Heh, yeah it's not like.., If I was drunk I'd be all over you." the words are flirty but soaking with sarcasm, not letting Minho savour them even for a little. 

"Wow," he said, "That was so dumb it was music," he paused, softly doubling over with a gentle pat to his right leg, "Last time you were drunk, you actually were all over me."

“It was kinda hot” says Lee Know and Han almost spits the take-out tea he’s drinking. "Please Minho, don't joke like that, when was I even drunk anyways?"

"Our first meeting? You were drunk as fuck." 

Jisung covers his face with hands humming at his trail thoughts "Please, it was ages ago and don't remind me of that night." 

"Why? Just because you behaved like an asshole doesn't mean we can't laugh about it now." 

"I- It brings unpleasant, umm, m- memories y'know I just don't wanna." He has his cute little stutter appearing in some of his words, something that Lee Know notices too, he got used to paying attention to Jisung's habits or things he does unconsciously. 

"Sure, sure." replied Lee Know, sipping the hot drink. 

It's not even that cold, as cold as it can get in Korea but the feeling of heat was still wanted, each of them ready to spend their money on a cup of tea or a steamy bun, but the heat each of them really needed was priceless. You can't really buy someone's company, you can't pay for a sincere smile, you can't thrift the warmth which is given from a feeling. 

They have some win-win game machines installed too, which should seem like a reach but it's cool that they have it. Jisung dragged Minho towards them, insisting that they at least attempt to win one of the plushies and the older not finding it in himself to deny him. The outside tents with the games smelled of cheap hotel shampoo, a mixture of a flower flavoured cleaning spray and the fresh wind. There were mostly kids, inserting their last money through the metal slits and getting frustrated after the first few tries which resulted in defeat. Han glued the palms of his hands to the glass of one machine, a claw one, distributing angry white rabbit plushies. he had a cheeky grin, eyeing Lee Know from the side and the other rolled his eyes, digging his pockets in search of a coin. 

It's funny how the dust and dirt and meaningless of an old gamer machine still triggers smiles by the rusty spring of the coin turner. And there, the lights were twinkling through the scraped glass as the mechanic claw reached its cold robot fingers down towards the white bunnies. Both of them knew it was a scam but even the knowledge of that didn't shake off the feeling of hope as it barely touched upon the toy's fluff. Han shook his head apologetically once Minho's pockets were empty and the rabbit was still in the plastic cage. 

"So close huh, talk about fake hope right Hyung?"

"Yeah. Fake hope" Repeated after him the older. 

They didn't mess around there too much, returning to their original spot and laughing at each other's jokes for another hour or so. 

It wasn't long before Han ran off to another stand, they got hungry pretty quickly and the younger insisted that he would be the one to pay. Lee Know stayed warapped in his blanket, a soft smile on his lips and a dreamy expression. The days they pass together always leave him like a feverish teenager meandering the shaky path of a college crush before he reaches the sun of cynosure. It all is but a dream as he sinks deeper into the embrace of the wooly cerise cloth, the peach of his cheeks may be just the kiss of the cold or he is slowly stripping more and more from his disguise. 

When Jisung runs back to him, he has a big paper plate in hand with a heart shaped waffle weighting onto it, topped with maple syrup. A little ripped yellow leaf is stuck into its side, probably brought by the wind. The boy is grinning widely, his heart shaped smile having his teeth on display, eyes crinkled into half moons as he proudly plopped the plate in front of Minho. Han's eyes...are very pretty. They have a deep chocolate colour haunting him a little too much, the trap of them is deeper than Minho expected as he braces for battle in the night. Before he could get sucked into the sweet void he managed to blink away and concentrate on the dish. 

"So...You bought me a waffle?" Asked Minho. 

"Well, technically I bought us a waffle because these are expensive and rather big so I figured you wouldn't mind to share." 

Lee Know looked down at the waffle then back at Jisung. "I mean...sure." 

Jisung grinned at him again, taking his place besides the older and handing him over a small wooden fork before digging into the pastry. Minho followed his example, placing the soft waffle into his mouth and chewing happily. He couldn't help but smirk to himself as he saw Han's cheeks puff while he eats, making him resemble to a squirrel. As the boy looks up at him with his bamby eyes, Minho's subtle chuckle turns into him attempting to not laugh out loud from how cute Jisung's appearence is, a little drop of syrup escaping his lips and staining his chin. He doesn’t notice how Han's eyes follow the droplet but only realises when he is leaning forward, his hand reaching up to purse his chin. 

Minho froze up, his smile dropping and eyes widening as Jisung's thumb wiped over his bottom lip and cleared it from the syrup before bringing it back into his own mouth. Han is still beaming, blissfully unaware of what an affect he has on the older. Minho swallowed, hiding his eyes behind his sharp eyelashes. 

"Y'know, you shouldn't really do that...people might think we're a couple or something." 

Jisung didn't reply just let out a silent laugh, not taking him seriously. "Hani, Just don't give me any wrong signals..please"

Han's smile faded quickly. "I- But..I'm a guy and you're a guy too so- It’s not like we’re like, you know...them?" 

That's it isn't it? That's the right moment to tell him no? Minho suddenly feels numb. The reality that he took care of so desperately felt like it was slipping away, the hopes he had built up experiencing a tremble. He doesn't know how Jisung will react, he doesn't know how any of this might end...I swear to god, If you leave, Han, I might-. 

"I-" Minho's breath hitched, words clogging his throat as a feeling of ghostly pressure tightens on his neck. This feels familiar. 

"Hyung?" Jisung sounded worried.

"I, you know, I'm actually, I'm gay." 

There it is, the petty silence, is that the part where Han will feel disgusted and offer him a frightened look? How many times is history supposed to repeat itself?

"Oh" Jisung's lips trembled a little bit but he only looked lost, more like a hollow reach into the void. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." His hand reaches over to Lee Know's and he carefully laces their fingers together offering him a semi reassuring look. "Thanks for trusting me enough." 

This was different. This was odd. The boulder pressing down onto Minho's chest was suddenly lifted as his breath escaped his lips in a weak sigh. Jisung wasn't mad at him. Not like he thought that Han could be homophobic but the fear was too deeply rooted that the words stung more than they should. But even so...

How should he react now...? 

The warmth of Han's hand against his was somehow reassuring, the void began to slowly fill up with confidence and a sweet taste of joy blending into his colours. Maybe this day was good after all. That thought was fragile and precious, something he will put into a box and tie with a pearl ribbon storing in a dear to him place. 

♡

Lee Know likes boys. 

It's not like Jisung never saw it coming but hearing it out loud made a whole different affect on him. 

He shouldn't care, he shouldn't give a shit who Lee Know likes and what gender they are. He shouldn't be afraid of nor should he be relieved by it. It has s nothing to do with him and their relationship will stay the same, it's not like he ever looked at the elder in a different way. 

It's not like he ever tormented himself for that. It's not like the stigma was a whole dark body of text surrounding his diaries, it's not like they ever shared any intimate moments....It's not like Minho can ever be something more than a friend to him. It's not like Jisung can ever be something more to Minho. 

It's not like Jisung wants to be something more to Minho. 

Jisung was sitting on the balcony of their shared room, looking down into the blue tinted streets of the night. He felt that he wanted to jump. 

Soon enough he heard the door behind him open, indicating that Lee Know probably returned from his part time, he recently got a job as a store cashier. He heard his foot steps and heard him approaching the balcony. He even heard him say 'hey' and was totally aware when the other climbed out to join him.

Minho has hugged him before, their skinship levels have really increased and it was something sweet and precious between them as no one else was there to offer them an embrace. Jisung always welcomed Lee Know's touches and felt disgusted to the core when one day he realised he might've wanted more. But...even though all of this was weakly taped together by the term of best friends something cracked today. 

As Minho's hands came in contact with Han's shoulder, he flinched away from him, taking a slight step back. This was something he did consciously and as easy as it would be to brush it off, blaming it on the beauty of sunset and how he wondered at the colours of the late evening sky, he knew how the stain of the action was poisonously toxic. He didn't mean it to hurt, he didn't want to hurt Lee Know...but the fright in his eyes was visible enough for Jisung to realise what his flinch meant and said to the other. 

Please someone Fucking kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE Please leave a comment (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)


	13. Was it a quarrel between blackbirds?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minsung and their big fat issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter took way longer than i expected\\\\\  
> im so sorry for the delay thougj 
> 
> lmao comments pls im dying over here

"Truth or dare "

Jeongin had a smug smile on his face as his eyes had an evil glimmer in them. 

"Uhhhh Truth?" Drew out an equally amused Minho. The boy grinned cheeky at his trail of thoughts, tapping his chin with one finger. "Who do you think is the most likely to be into some kinky shit?"

A round of snorts went through the circle of boys and Minho rolled his eyes at a yet another sexual question from the younger. They all decided to stay in the Music room after class because..well because Chan said they needed some bonding and he wasn't wrong. But judging by the hour wasted on truth or dare all they know about each other is some nsfw shit and Felix's search history which consisted mostly of some K-pop bands because of course he was a fanboy. 

"You're gonna hate me for this but I have to say Jisung." Answered Lee Know averting the younger's surprised gaze. Soon enough a pillow flew into his head accompanied by a cry of complain from Han, he was laughing though, so were all of them. 

"Truth or dare Changbin?" Asked Lee Know returning to the game.

"Truuuuurth..." Drew out the older boy, rocking back and forth while hugging his knees. 

From the other side of the circle came Felix's voice "Oh c'mon guys it's the 5th truth in a row." 

"Yeah well I did dare last time." Whined Changbin. 

"Anyways, who's that one person you trust no matter what." asked Minho after a while of thinking. Changbin on the other hand replied almost instantly."Bang Christopher Chan." 

"Christopher?" Curved an eyebrow Minho. At this point Chan snatched the pillow thrown by Jisung from Lee Know's hands and covered his face with it. "Binnie why the fuck did you bring this up?" 

Changbin bent down towards Minho whispering something into his ear; "He used to live in Australia and it's his like, 'white name'." Suddenly chan did a complete 180 and began hitting Changbin with the pillow agains his head. 

"Ouch! Why the fuck did you do that?" Complained Changbin as he turned back to face his friend.

"White name my ass, I told you to forget it!" Continued Chan as the pillow was directed at the other's face.

"But it suits you so well..." Whimpered Changbin protecting himself with his hands. 

Lee KNow's smile was growing wider as he giggled at the sight before him, covering his mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie. For him, everything has been going perfectly well, he finally had friends, a future and even maybe someone he felt he can trust. Minho was...attracted to Jisung. Or if it's that what you call having butterflies in your stomach at any moment of skinship they shared. He somehow hoped things would turn out between them, even though he firmly believed the younger was straight at first, now, he was almost certain that the attraction was mutual. Even if he had a lot of doubts and signs of the opposite, the boy just blindly brushed them off in hope of them being a seed of his own insecurities. 

Sure, he noticed the shift in Han's behaviour since he came out but it was going good. It was going just fine and maybe this hurt him at first bur ignoring it ended up being way easier. It's not denial, right? Wrong? 

"Hey, kinky boy!" Called out Changbin and almost received another pillow hit from Jisung as he was talking to him.

"Truth ore dare?"

"Dammit, let's go dare." Replied Jisung with a competitive flicker in his eyes. 

Changbin smirked, sitting up and scanning Han's face, whatever he has thought of, Jisung wasn't ready for. "Take Lee Know out on date. Right now." 

Under the dim pressing light of the music room and fucked over laughter of the other members of the club, the words didn't sound that bad. It sounded more like a dare than anything else, and his whole life revolving around Minho like a 9 to 5 , another evening wouldn't be an issue, they'd only call it a date and flick it as an excuse to slip away of the hang out. He'd rather pass it with Minho than here, especially when Seungmin would still sometimes give him these fucking psycho glances, god did the boy piss him to the core. He felt chills crawl down his skin like millions of ants draping around him and picking at his senses. What if Lee Know would take it as something more....? You know what, why not. 

"Sure." 

And the next second he was pulling up the older to his feet and dragging him outside by his wrist with a stupid shit eating grin. He thought he was so clever when he wasn't even smart enough to understand his own fat crush. To Han's surprise Lee Know didn't even protest, letting himself to be tugged along the corridors towards the main entrance of the University, laughing like high schoolers.

Han didn't really think much of how he didn't let go of the other's hand when they were both skipping down the stairs. He had one idea in particular about where he wanted to take the elder, your most stereotypical place to hang out for couples. Yeah, they were going to watch a horror film. Like, why not? Isn't it just so romantic to be pulsed by fear into the hard uncomfortable cushions of the cinema seats while digging your nails into your date's hand? Or having the flakes of popcorn thrown into the air from another jump scare, spooking you enough to let out a scream and disturbing everyone else enjoying the film...perfect. Jisung didn't even ask if Lee Know liked horror films but it didn't matter, they're just going to hang out and rub it into Changbin's face. It's weird how Minho made everything seem so peaceful for Jisung, almost like it was a year ago. 

The ride to the movie theatre wasn't long, they probably could've walked there but Jisung would't admit that he took the bike only to feel Lee Know wrap his hands around his waist again. He almost wished that the older would've had forgotten his coat so that he could repeat his gentleman move and hand him over his hoodie. He was falling now for a little too long to stay oblivious, fear serving a stronger shield that it should. 

The Neon lighting of marketing stands, red and blue flashlights shone in the outsider alley leading up towards the building of the movie theatre. They parked up safely, getting off Han's bike. Their shoes scraping the dirty pavement they stood in front of the shining through the dark building. Because of the general emptiness of the street, the entrance almost appeared to glow, looking as inviting as ever. A few still burning sick-buts were thrown around the cement stairs leading up to the glass doors, some guys fuming before it. The two boys glanced at each other fixing their clothes and their hair, suddenly nervous to enter such a slump of a movie theatre and exchanging smiles. 

"So you brought me here for our first date? I'll remember that." Said Lee Know in a soft tone, eying Jisung from the side. 

"It's not like we're on an actual date." Laughed him off Han as he jokingly patted his shoulder and walked up to the building. He didn't notice the bitterness in the other's laughter, decided to ignore the slight shift in the air that occurred a few days ago. They hurried up the stairs towards the main entrance, the cool air of the wind being replaced by the warm entrance hall. Jisung smirked ta the familiar red carpets layered on the floor and at the amount of crumbs and trash layered onto it. Apparently the cleaning services still sucked here. He dragged Lee Know by is elbow up to a stand and called up a tired looking cashier, the poor guy apparently wasn't so ready for his night shift, curtains of hair covering his temples. He glanced swiftly at his name tag feeling a certain need to address him by his name. 

"Uhm, Pablo? Right, Pablo. May we please have two seats for..." He searched on the table board for the closest movie on the roll, luckily there was horror one. "For The Dread of blackbirds" Stupid name, so on the nose. 

Pablo, the cashier, eyed both of them for a split second before nodding and typing something down on the register computer. The music ,cheesy music of the adds behind him only giving more to the vibe of the whole place. It was a cheap cinema, somewhere Jisung would sneak in after or instead of class alone, with Jeongin or the gang dudes. They stopped coming her though, after a rival gang showed their faces and the fights weren't as fun as you'd see on Netflix. 

The air was filled with cheap sweet smells, jumping from the candy stands and chasing the petty children of nostalgia, running bare foot to their poor neighbourhoods. Crowds of people were sprinkled throughout the hall, families and kids were absent, only teenagers and older laughing around their friend-groups. The whole place was lighted by the hanging by spray painted black wires ceiling lamps, shedding a warm yellowish colour down on the visitors and even more neon lightbulbs. If Jisung didn't know better he would've laced their fingers together and pull the older even closer, letting him lean on his shoulder. But...as much as Han would love to throw his stupid throbbing memories away, something about lee Know being homosexual bothered him more than it should. 

Not like Jisung was straight. Not like Jisung would admit that.

Minho was tracing messy lines on the carpet with the heels of his shoes, a little smile tugging on the corners of his lips. His simple wishes were more than fulfilled and warmth growing rosebuds in his chest, he hoped and fantasied about how this could possibly change his relationship with Jisung. Lee Know himself wasn't much of a patient person, he had made a little pact with himself that if Han doesn't make any suggestive moves he'll take matters in his own hands. The boy haven't even wished for it to be such perfect opportunity, a movie night. If He knew that he was going on a date, well, a "date" with Han Jisung he would've probably worn something different or whipped up some make up, worn that glittery pink lipgloss that now became one of his most treasured objects. Although it didn't really matter, what mattered to Minho was that this evening could possibly be his shooting star. 

Boy was he wrong. 

When him and Han took their places in the third row, the movie was just yet to begin and the people were only gathering around them, making the air filled with more scents of crisps and candies. Han was seated with his head tilted backwards, eyes roaming on the ceiling and Lee Know drowning in the pool of social media through his phone. Jisung's eyes roamed around the upper levels of the seating plan, in the dark lightning he couldn't really make out any faces so he observed other people's clothes, hair colour, or whatever was interesting enough. At some point his gaze fell upon a tall girl, purple short hair, obviously oversized clothes and covered in Belts and Chains. Her style choice didn't bother him, what did catch his attention was the fact that she seemed to be the age of Nari, and Jisung's younger sister was only 14. The girl was standing up in attempt to fix her jacket around her waist as some older guys and girls were around her. Much much older people. 

Han frowned at the sight, it's not too rare that kids would get themselves into sketchy friend groups and he had more to worry about...but the people around the purple head seamed oddly familiar. he squinted his eyes to identify their facial features. Then it suddenly hit him. 

In heartbeat he straightened in his chair, pulling his hood over his head as his eyes darted around around in subtle panic. No wonder these guys seemed familiar, they were the motherfuckers from his former rival gang. Technically it shouldn't be an issue as he wasn't a part of the whole deal anymore but he doubted that they knew and if he wasn't careful, being cornered against a dark alley wall would be his near future. Han swallowed dry, cracking his knuckles when suddenly the hall was drowned in complete darkness indicating the beginning of the movie. 

"What, the film hasn't even started and you're already petrified?" Came Lee Know's amused voice as he nudged Jisung's side with his elbow. 

The younger let out a chuckle, pushing Minho's hand away and shushing him as the screen shone with a weak light, depicting the logo of the introduction. 

♤

"Fuck ..." 

Swore Jisung under his breath as Lee Know's nails dug into his bicep after another jump scare, the older pressing himself into his side. The movie wasn't even that scary, but apparently the other's fear tolerance was lower than Han could imagine. At some point through the film, Minho yelped so loudly that the girl sitting besides them asked them if he was okay and Jisung had to answer for him as he had his eyes tightly shut and even trembled slightly. As many times as Han asked him if it was better that they quit the idea and just went home to watch another cheesy drama, Minho only assured him that it's fine, hiding his face in the crook of his neck and to that- Han would fail to focus on the plot, his skin burning once again under the breath of his friend. 

Jisung himself loved horror films, he watch them for fun with empty plastic boxes of empty ramen trashing his room so his mind was so used to the graphic images that fear had quit his list of issues. But today, he has managed to somehow convince himself that his heavy heartbeat running off charts was obviously the affect that he had from watching some dead people chase a screaming couple. Right, it surely scared him to the core, why else would his heart beat so quickly?

Once the movie ended Han had to delicately tare Lee Know off of him, patting his back in a form of praise for at least surviving that hour and a half. They decided that they wanted to share some drinks at the cinema cafe and also to let Minho calm down and process his new experience. Jeez, it was as if Jisung brought a thirteen year old to a movie clearly for adults. The took a place at the bar stands, the cafe looking comforting with vintage posters and even a comic book stand, the perfect place for a movie nerd. They took some time inspecting the funky menu, designed to charm teenagers with their ghost shaped fries and blue popcorn, cherry milkshakes topped with rainbow sprinkles and sour candy buckets which would surely give you diabetes judging from their size.  
Minho ordered a banana split with extra cherry candy and Jisung took something called a 'kitty burger' which was as matter of fact a part of the kids card but who cares. 

"Ok ok, I bet you will get this one wrong." Said Jisung between giggles as they were exchanging stupid shit jokes. 

"C'mon try me." Replied The other, a competitive hint to to his voice. 

"If, If and old man and a kid come near you car, what will you hit?" 

"Jisuuuung." Drew out Minho with a chuckle, "What even is that question?" 

"Please hyung. It's very important." Han's tone suddenly turned serious as he stares intensely into the older's eyes before they bursted out laughing another thousandth time.

Lee Know scrunched his nose in thought as he rolled his eyes with an exaggerate manner, "MMmmm. The old man." 

Jisung offered him a shit eating grin before dropping his head behind his clasped arms, his back shaking in silent laughter, "Idiot" he whispered through a suppressed snigger. "You should hit the fucking BRAKE!" Minho blinks at him a few times, until the realisation dawns to him and his face lit up once again, shoving his fist into Han's shoulder. 

Under the pretty lights sending shadows down on Lee Know's lips, adding beautiful glimmers onto his deep brown locks and the stars in his eyes shining brighter than ever under this neon pink and purple, deep blue and green, almost as if it's his personal galaxy. Han feels himself getting carried away with the sound of a crappy 90's soundtrack fading from his ear and then it's only Lee Know's smile. How come he never noticed how beautiful Minho was? And now looking at his eyes crinkling into half moons as the softest butterflies of laughter escapes his parted lips in a contagious smile, Jisung feels himself letting go of something. He doesn't know what but it felt like this scary, scary shadow that peered over him ever since his teenage years...took a step back. That shadow probably feared the bright sincere light that Minho was effortlessly shedding upon everything he touched. It's almost like...he was glowing. 

They payed off their meal and walked out of the cafe, still giggling at each other. Jisung leaned back onto the brick wall, toying with the older's sleeve. That's the moment when their eyes met and suddenly, Lee Know's smile was fading away. Their gazes were locked on each other but for some reason it didn't feel like...it didn't feel like their usual glances at each other. Jisung looked so dreamy, so tempting, an unreadable expression on his face. Minho felt Han's hand trail up his arm, softly fiddling the fabric and maybe unconsciously pulling him closer. 

Lee know wasn't oblivious to his feeling and let them bloom. He took care of his tender flowers and watered them with hope and leisure of time passed in expectations and wishes. And now, with his heart beat breaking the monitor of his sanity he ripped the cables off, letting his body comply to his wants, leaning in towards the younger. Minho's hand rose up to Jisung's cheek, softly cupping it as he cautiously tilted his head to the side. Jisung only shifted his palm to the taller's collarbone, weakly gripping at the fabric as he felt the hot breath ghost over his mouth. Jisung didn't resist when the plush of Lee Know's lips pressed against his, letting out a surprised little gasp that got shut down with the kiss. Minho's lips were sweet and soft, gently moving against his rough and cracked from the cold ones. His touch was written with doubt and bravery, eyes closed in the overwhelming moment, only praying that the other will respond. 

Please Jisung, please respond. 

Han's eyes were still widely open, body frozen from shock but lacking the strength to move. His heart was fluttering with words it wanted to scream, with emotions he wanted to spill, with actions he wanted to make...but was it all too much? His dilated pupils caught the sight of a group of people. Backs turned, standing rather far away with cans of beer in their hands. The alarms went off as loud as ever. They were surely none other than the motherfucking rival gang, it shouldn't even be the main focus of the moment but only their sight triggered back an overweight wave of memories, insults, the chilling realisation of touch and the swift change of temperature in his body. Suddenly the reason for his throbbing heartbeat wasn't the tenderness of Lee Know's touch but the panic tugging roughly on his neck, tightening the ever present dog collar, restraining him to breathe. 

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. 

His hands acted on impulse, pushing the warmth away and forcing Minho to stumble backwards. The push was hard and clogged with desperation. Minho's eyes filled with fear as he pressed his hands to his chest, shrinking and melding into himself. He didn't dare to move, only looking back in fright at Jisung who panted heavily. 

"Hani I-" Began the older, his voice possessed with a tremble, as weak as it could get. 

"No." Cut him off Jisung. 

"Please, I'm sorry I thought.." 

"You thought what!?" Raised his voice Han, gaze terrified. What was that he felt? Disgust? Disgust at who? ...Himself? His eyes slowly began watering with tears and that's when he completely lost sense of his words. "I'm not a Fag-" No...stop. Stop Hani, don't say that. 

too late? 

Minho felt this before. Minho heard this before. The old bandages being brutally torn off, refreshing the wound, reminding hims that it's still there. Why do people that he chooses hurt him? Why do people hurt him? He doesn't resist the take anymore, letting his heart being cut open with a scalpel on this never ending surgery, no painkillers - too expensive. 

His feet grow roots into the ground as he averts Han's gaze, the silence louder than the chatter of people. 

Jisung starts saying something but it's all muffled by the ring in his ears as he walks away, blurting out something about taking a taxi. 

♤

Days and days of hours and hours of minutes and minutes as plain as paper, flavoured only with the bitter taste of morning coffee barely strong enough to clear the fog of plagued thoughts. It's been at least a week since Minho last went out with Han. Smiles photoshopped onto their faces poorly keeping up with their own doubt. It was unspoken, as neither of them dared to face the starved tension between them, only lurking its monstrous shadow behind them, feeding off of blame and anxiety. It wasn't all black and white. As a properly behaved beast it only bared its claws in the lonely light of the moon, awake and vigorous at night, scraping their backs and leaving its traces as clear as ever only to be ignored with the welcome of sunrise. 

The morning itself usually feels nice, when both of them are still sleepy, sitting at the semi trashed kitchen table and mindlessly discussing dreams that they still remembered. These kind of mornings, neither of them would be awake enough to fully acknowledge their closeness so the neediness of their touches would double, not like they were complaining. It has a sting when people change, not the kind change that happens inevitably over time, but the kind of change which infect the air, changing its usual home treasured aura. 

Jisung was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, lazily brushing his teeth with the foam of the mint toothpaste. His looks gouging out his eyes from the heavy layers of sleep. It was the first morning in a while when he wasn't woken up by Minho falling on top of him and ruffling his hair until he was awake. He made Minho so burned out, he pays the price. The cold tiles under his feet never seemed as unpleasant as this single winter morning. So sweetly, add a little flavour by spitting out the liquid from his mouth and watch the pink swirls get sucked into the spiral of the sink. This whole gloomy scenario had only one author, being Han Jisung himself, writing his own character as a pathetic boy. He blamed himself a lot, probably just as much as his crocodile tears topped the iceberg of the messed up issues he hid in the sleeves of his hoodie. He was alone at home so the clock hitting nine since he's been in the shower wouldn't end in a scolding from the older. He didn't know where Lee Know went, but it made sense that the boy didn't want to see him, fucking hell he fucked up big time - fucked up his feelings and his chances. 

Han wiped off the stain of saliva off of his chin and pulling on an old T-shirt walked out towards the kitchen, in search of something to chew on and fill the hole in his stomach. The strong scent of deja vu already revolving around his nostrils. He dug around the drawers, tearing open a box of cereal which just as well might have been expired and drowned the flakes with milk. What dish huh? Something for the papers.

While chewing on his food, he instinctively reached for his phone, checking any updates on any of his social media. He had a few unread text messages which wasn't surprising, Jisung wasn't exactly in the mood of Chatting. He opened the app and scrolled through the blank texts, some bluntly asking the homework and a few from the gang complaining about him missing the bike race a few days ago but couldn't care less. One of the messages was from Chan...he rarely ever contacted him directly so this peaked his interest enough to read it. 

\- Christiano Bangnaldo - 

Hey Jisung, I've noticed you've been down lately, and music  
practice went to shit so me and Changbin thought you'd  
wanna hang out today? It's been a while and you've finally  
slipped out of the gang business, I hope you'l agree haha 

He probably shouldn't agree. It's not like he misses them....Fuck he missed them so much it hurt. Before, Jisung would stay away because of fear, next because of shame and lastly because he couldn't bare the fake look in his eyes without alcohol through his veins. It was pretty much the same with Lee Know, he felt so fucking guilty for letting himself get attached to the other, it will only harm them both. In the long run, Han Jisung was a very bad person, wasn't he? 

He won't reply. 

\- Sungie -

okay, I'll come. Sorry about music, im a little out of it but dw ill be fine soon

\- Christiano Bangnlado -

Really?!!? Woah tbh i didn't think you'd agree))  
Happy to join us a t 13 in the j street cafe, Y'know the old hangout. 

\- Sungie -

ok. Although i might be late and don't expect me to pay for all of u  
\- Christiano Bangnlado - 

Jeez, I wasn't going to, K then can't wait to have you back 030 030

Jisung sighed passing a hand over his face. Why did he do that, he's gotten so soft and gullible. His heart really ached with envy at those who were smart enough to keep their emotions in a metal cage. He missed his friends so fucking much. 

±

Chan's wavy hair was pressed under a bright red beanie. He wore the most beautiful smile on his face, laughing at Changbin sitting across from him at the table. both of them were clothed in matching hoodies, Changbin's Deep blue with " UCK U" written in a bright yellow font and Chan's Black with a single letter "F". They were exactly the type of people to wear that type of stuff, being stupid and confident, enjoying their life- as you should. 

Bang Chan was simpler than you'd think. He had big islands of dreams that he built up himself and was ready to accomplish. He was what you would call the soul of each company or hang out, the one who's always there for you when you needed help. Some people called him a dreamer, the guy who's a little too out of it, a kid in an adult's body. Ever since Chan was 15, he made up himself a perfect world, the world that would treat him and his loved ones right, a world where he and his friends rose to the best days of their lives together. 

He'd lose his mind at least another thousand times, pealing off the struggles in which his friends got themselves into. Maybe this was a saviour complex, or he was just such a fucking good person that he wouldn't forgive it to himself for ignore someone's suffering. A lot of times he'd end up suffocating in some broken souls sucking all of his life out of him and only taking a deep breath after someone pulled him out of that pool of dread by his collar - that person being Changbin. 

"Some people don't want to be fixed Channie, they just want to be pitied."

Was something that he heard way too often. After a while, he found himself a second family, at the college he always wanted to go to, with people who shared the same interests as him. It was like luck has finally arrived his way, throwing past the sour lemon days he struggled through, his hope for future smiles serving as a shield and a floating device. 

Felix - a little piece of pure sunshine with way to much love to be covering it up with his fake cold persona.  
Hyunjin - The most dramatic and person he's ever met, but if he ever gets serious or angry, you better save your guts.  
Seungmin - A really talented boy with monstrous determination, a little shy around others but has tons of undiscovered potential  
Jeongin - No one really knows what's going on in his head but one thing is for sure, he knows where he's going and knows what he's doing.  
Jisung - The most unstoppable motherfucker to exist, but also a little weak at heart. Chan supposed he had some unresolved issues which he masterfully hid with jokes.  
Kwan Jae - ..... Seungmin cared about him. 

He secretly hoped they'd someday start a real band together, that was his ultimate dream. Changbin was down, and he hoped others wouldn't mind the idea but suddenly his perfect world was tearing at the seams, blood leaking down the persecuted threads. 

He didn't know how to deal with it, none of them did, and in a blink of an eye they were strangers. Hyunjin and Felix barely came to Uni, Jisung Joined some kind of gang and Jeongin followed him for some reason. He wasn't surprised about Jisung though, he knew the boy had some history with these types of people but it seemed like all of a sudden they were back to square one. Seungmin...well he visited the police office more than he came to class and it got to his head. Chan really wanted to help him but there was just one thing he couldn't do. Bang Chan would never even let himself think that one of his friends could've committed anything even close to murder. So in the end, there were two - him and Changbin, still walking forwards. 

Summer came and went, the wounds healed up and no one could stay sad forever. First it was Felix, reaching out to them and Hyunjin followed along. Jeongin was way too attached to music that he simply couldn't keep himself away from the club room and soon enough he was there with them, making music and sharing smiles. With Jeongin came Han and seeing the two together Seungmin pulled himself through, joining back. But it wasn't the same. They talked. They sang, they laughed, they lived on. But there was a big fat smudge in the word ‘trust’. 

"Jisung is late...you sure he'll come?" Asked Changbin passing a hand through his messed up hair. 

"I mean he said he would, but I'm starting to doubt that too." Frowned Chan as he looked at the time. "I'm a little worried for him, just a week ago we were all good and him and Min had something going,...do you think something happened?"

"You mean between them?" 

"Yeah, I'm starting to think I messed up." Sighed the other as he sunk a little deeper into his hoodie. Chan leaned over to comfort Changbin with a pat on the shoulder. "Don't blame yourself, you gave them the push, the rest is for these two dumb asses to figure out." 

Soon enough the door to the cafe was swung open and a worn out looking Jisung jogged up to their table. The boy wasn't looking any good, the security better check his eye-bags as he could successfully snuggle drugs in these blueberry pockets. He whipped off his jacket, swinging it over the free chair and greeted Chan and Changbin with a pathetic excuse of a smile. Changbin only raised an eyebrow at his shitty state, letting Jisung melt into his seat, glancing at his elders from under his hood. They stayed silent for a few seconds and just when Chan was about to open his mouth, one of the waitresses approached Han and he muttered something about a cheese cake with extra syrup in response. 

"Dude, what's wrong with you." asked Changbin as he eyed Han from the side. 

Jisung lifting his eyes to meet Changbin's concerned gaze. Both him and Chan were well aware that Cheesecake was Han's comfort food and whenever he ordered it probably meant that some shit went down or he was beaming with joy. Jisung, obviously didn't look like a ray of sunshine so it was fair to assume he got himself into another crappy situation or lost his temper. 

"Uh, Nothing much, I- I kinda screwed up big time." 

Chan buried his face in his hands. "Han Jisung, you're a cause of sighs...I didn't want to turn this into a therapy session but just looking at you makes me feel bitter, what did you do this time?"

"Ayyy, I don't want to be a burden for you guys, maybe I could just eat my cheesecake and listen to your amusing conversation?"

Both Chan and Changbin shot him death stares powerful enough to burn a hole in Jisung's face to which the younger whined, fiddling with the laces of his hoodie before bulling on them and hiding his face completely. This didn't work out well as he felt hands gripping onto the fabric and forcing it open so Jisung ended up inches away from Chan's fed up face and next strong arms pulled him up from the back making the boy yelp in surprise. Damn you Changbin. Now that Han knew he lost the fight of silence and cheesecake, his tongue untangled itself as he was ready to spill his heart out to his friends which would surely soak them with the depresso of his issues. 

"I Hurt him." Says Jisung, averting anyone's eyes. 

"How bad is it?"

"Very bad. I fucking suck." 

"Jisung, look at me no?" Chan's voice is sweet, a little too sweet and calming instead of what Han deserved, he doesn't deserve anything. The younger lifts his sleep deprived eyes to lock with Chan's loving hazel ones and hey...they're also tired. 

"Y'know me and Changbinnie are used to passing time together, just us two."

"Yea?" 

"Please go. Go and apologise, I know you haven't done it yet." 

"But I just got here and-" Attempts to resist Han. 

"Nah, I rather pass time with both you and Minho smiling by my side than you killing yourself with guilt." Adds Changbin. 

Jisung bites his lip, the dead weight of guilt only doubled though, now he'll be ditching his friends. When..when was the last time you ever said ‘sorry’ Han? 

The door of the cafe opens and closes, decisions are made, mistakes are forgiven. Chan sighs again, looking back at the door through which the boy just ran out. The waitress was soon back with the cheesecake, placing the plate in front of the now empty chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE TO SOLVE IT ALL NEXT CHAPTER 
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading! I really appreciate it <3
> 
> I think ill have a little thing as 1 comment guaranties next chapter bc im a little worn out without motiv Thank you v

**Author's Note:**

> sorry guys the first chapter is a little short but there we are  
> i promise to make it longer next time though 
> 
> this fic is planning to be rather looong and i'm still debating if i want to do smut or not 
> 
> there wont be a schedule of updates for now but i just happen to have tons of free time on my hands so here we go


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